Rachel & Brian's Family Blog

Chloe is 18 months old - that's 1.5 years!!!

2011-09-09T14:52:00.000-07:00

This.... little... (big) .... girl!

has changed my life. I can't believe it all. I look at her now and she is like my little buddy, my darling, my sweetie, my pumpkin, my beautiful daughter. This girl is the best of the best in every way. She is growing up so quickly. She says so many words, understand so much. Chloe, mommy & daddy and your whole family & friends absolutely adore you. I don't know what I would do without you. Thank you Jesus, for this precious angel.

In this busy season, I don't get to blog much personally or to post many pictures of my own child as I'm busy photographing everyone else's! this morning I told brian, get her bag, lets dress her cute and we're going to the park to take pictures for her 1.5 year birthday. I want some beautiful pictures of my own girl! Here's a favorite. There's a bunch more here :)

Some of her favorite words are

mama

dada

kitty

tycho

cheese

uh oh

no no no

tree

meow meow

moo moo

gaga

pretty

hiiiii

bye byegagaga

wawa (water)

mmmmiiiillllk (milk)

we have her appt in 2 weeks so i'll see how big she is, but i anticipate it's at least 30 lbs and 34 inches tall!

remember

2011-06-24T04:53:00.000-07:00

remember that time i used to blog? that was fun. no time for it anymore, can barely keep up with the professional blog! Between work, crazyness and trying to get our house up for sale, life has ramped up to an insane pace. Luckily Chloe seems to be handling it even better then I am!

Here's some pics of Chloe at the zoo a couple weeks ago!

This pony/donkey was so cute, just kept looking at chloe and nuzzling her. They were buds.

Chloe is still a mama's girl!

Discovering the red slide in the toddler area. She climbed up and down this for like 20 minutes!

Chloe and her best bud, Jackson :)

Chloe is awesome right now - her absolute FAVORITE activity is mommy & daddy reading books to her. We probably read 10-20 books, multiple times to her, daily. During playtime, before bed, anytime! She also loves to build with her blocks. And she loves Dora the explorer. ... it's bad. She squeals a lot in excitement (and frustration) She is trying to repeat so many things we say. She has many tricks and cute things she does!

Her favorite words right now are:

dada (#1 by far) means actual dada and then she uses it when she can't repeat what we are trying to get her to :)

diaper (diapah)

tycho (techo)

zelda (zerdo)

mama (but only on command)

kitty (titty)

banana (pronounced nana)

uh oh!

all done! (aahdahn)

Dora (dura - she actually says it with a spanish "r" roll, no joke)

no, no, no (nononon, while pointing and wagging her finger)

eh (yes, or more)

At the doctor last week she was almost 28 lbs, 32 inches tall, in the 95-100% for height & weight. I'm just glad those two caught up with each other! She is our big healthy and happy girl. We ADORE her. I kiss her constantly, and she has taken to walking up to us, turning around and planting herself in our laps.

Here is a quick video of her we took the other day on the web cam :)

Easter 2011

2011-04-26T10:03:00.001-07:00

We had a really nice Easter with Chloe and family. I never dress Chloe up cuz I always think she looks uncomfortable, haha, but in this case I had all these sweet dresses to choose from for her, and she got to wear the dress her Aunt Kristin got her. I took a lot of pics, they are here on facebook. Here are a few of my favorites :)

SOOOO not been good at blogging lately

2011-04-25T06:40:00.000-07:00

I have so much to catch you all up on and get recorded here, but I just can't seem to find the time to get blogging. Luckily I took some adorable pictures of chloe in her Easter dress and they are begging to be shared, so I hope to get those up today. Stay tuned!!

In other news, at 13.5 months, chloe is hilarious. We are adoring this stage. She is zooming around and walking like a champ. Oh yes, she tumbles a lot, but she gets right back up and keeps going. She makes funny faces at me and giggles a lot. She kNOWS what she wants.

And this girl... this girl LOVES music. I often catch her saying "no, no, doh, doh" in a sing-song voice to herself. If we sing to her, she doesn't want it to stop. She does her little back & forth sway with her shoulders/hand to let us know "KEEP THE MUSIC GOING PLEASE!" She even figured out how to turn up the volume of the music at my parents house and she started dancing with pride! Brian and I do sing to her a lot, but being as musical as we are, I actually thought we'd play more, do more songs with her, etc. She still has gotten the music bug though. I love it!

So far... this is my favorite stage she's been in... i think. I mean, I love them all... but I dunno. I just LOVE HER!!!!

the baby weight

2011-03-15T17:58:00.000-07:00

I've been trying various things over the last few months to lose about 20 lbs of weight. A few of the pounds are baby-related, but most was from before the baby - my philosophy then was "well i'm going to get fat anyway, so might as well just let myself go." Boy this was a mistake... I really think that my unhealthy/overweight body was not as well equipped for pregnancy as it would have been if I would have been stronger and leaner. I could be wrong, but that is my hunch.

I was talking to a friend of mine that I sing with at church about how she lost weight after she had her baby. She brought in her book on Eating Clean, and I've been reading/dabbling in it for the last two days. Generally the principles of Eating Clean are 6 meals a day with components like lots of lean protein, paired with complex carbohydrates in vegetables and fruit. Nuts, lean meats, lots of eggs, etc. And TONS of water (like 3+ liters) She really talks about eating "real" clean foods, cutting out a lot of the processed stuff. Obviously, this is hard for me. However, the thing I like about it is that it doesn't make me cut carbs completely, in fact the breakfast is my favorite meal by far, a large cup of hearty and healthy organic oats, with wheat germ, flaxseed mixed in, and mixed berries or various fruit to top it. Then one whole egg and 4 egg whites (prepared however) for the protein. I can't eat that many eggs so I've just been doing 1 egg and mixing 2 whites. Anyway - you can still eat healthy dairy in moderation, and I'm learning about things like almond butter and soybeans. The other decent thing is that most of these foods are good for chloe to eat too, so we're both eating healthier at once and she's experiencing some new foods. It's truly exhausting though as I'm moving away from baby jar foods and giving her more healthy table foods. Sigh. Anyway... enough of that.

The first day was exciting, energizing and motivating. Overall I felt great and really pumped. I drank all my water (peeing like a racehorse, which is actually very hard for me since the bathroom is upstairs and every time i leave chloe alone for a moment in the living room she has a crying fit) I went to the store and stocked up on spinach, lean chicken, almond butter, wheat germ, flaxseed, tuna (which I hate), frozen mixed veggies (it's almost impossible for me to keep fresh veggies in the house without most of them going bad since brian doesn't eat them, plus this is much more convenient for me as a busy mom of a 1 year old!), frozen/fresh fruit, greek yogurt, soybeans, sweet potatoes, etc.

I'm at the end of day two and it's already getting harder. Brian had a bagel for a snack and I wanted it so badly. I am missing my sweets/white carbs, pop tarts, etc. a lot. I'm sick of water already. I'm also feeling the effects digestively too from eating so much more fiber, protein and veggies. That's all I will say. But I believe that will pass. The food I'm eating is good, and I'm not going to the letter, or else I'd have to cook 2 separate meals on the nights Brian's home, and that's just not happening. But I just miss the convenience of the things I was eating before. But I know I was letting myself get so dehydrated, and so hungry, so I know that this schedule of eating, and these foods are really really so good for me in every way.

I did get a short work-out in today too, but I know I need to increase that as much as I can, especially lifting weights, resistance training.

So... anyway.... that's all. Going to keep it up. Hopefully I'll start seeing some changes and can stay motivated to keep going. Thanks for reading!

dear chloe, at one year.

2011-03-09T11:18:00.000-08:00

Dear Chloe,

I am in awe of you and your beauty and sweetness. I can't believe that God blessed me with such a an incredible child. I can remember the day we found out you we were going to have you, and being in disbelief. After a hard pregnancy, I went to the doctor to be checked and they told me that you were going to be coming that night! We couldn't believe it. We went to the hospital and felt scared, jumpy, but mostly overjoyed. I remember how hard it was to get you out of me, and the precious moment when I saw you for the first time and got to kiss your sweet little face. Then they took you and cleaned you up, and brought you back to me after the doctor's checked you and I over to make sure we were going to be ok. You were so quiet, sweet, and alert. I remember when your eyes looked at me, and taking pictures of you and having the family around just in awe of you.

Chloe only a few hours old, March 9, 2010 born at 11:18am

Chloe at 1 year old, March 9, 2011 with her present from mommy & daddy

Chloe at her birthday party last Saturday, March 5

It's been one year since that day, and you have changed so much. It goes so rapidly, I feel like I blink and you are a new child, with some new talent or babble to show us that day! I look at your pictures from one year ago and I can't believe how much you've grown. You are almost walking now, you took two steps on Friday (March 4) You say dada all the time, and have a word that sounds like "duck" for yes. You've started to hum a little tune and love to laugh and imitate mommy. You love your kitties, and the lids of containers to chew on. You have eight teeth, and are eating more and more real people foods. You still like baby food though :) Generally you like most of the foods mommy & daddy give you except you are starting to push green veggies away at times. You know how to sign "more" and "eat", and will come up to us, and point to our mouths to tell us you are hungry! You love your sippy cup of water! I will soon have to stop giving you bottles/formula and binky and I'm not looking forward to it. You LOVE your binky still and whenever you suck on it, you look like a tiny baby again and become cuddly and sleepy. It is our magic sleeping charm ;)

When friends and family come to visit, you just light up when people enter the room! At church though you are sometimes a little shy, preferring to cling to mommy. You cry when I leave you in the nursery, but usually within a minute or two you are very happy and loving to play with all the kids! You are super active, loving to climb the stairs, crawl quickly across the living room and hall. We are so excited when you respond to us, point, and tell us what you like and want and prefer. Your beautiful hair is getting so long, and to me you are perfect in every way.

Chloe, your birth and life has completely changed me and your daddy. We are absolutely smitten with you, and our love for you is so deep, it is hard to describe. We will always always love you, and always be there for you, and be proud of you. I pray to God that you will know Him, and have a relationship with Him, and that the Father will protect your little life from harm. I lift you up into His hands right now, my precious, beautiful daughter.

thinking of some changes

2011-02-12T08:19:00.000-08:00

Ok cloth diapering mommas, comment here and tell me what brand you use, why you chose it, and what your system is for cloth diapering :) I'm not promising I'm going to change, but I'm definitely putting some research into it. I've been looking at fuzzibunz the most, they seem like they would fit our lifestyle the best. The gDiapers seem awesome too and the most convenient, but they are very expensive and don't save a whole lot of money over disposable which is one of the whole reasons I am looking into this (not to mention the environmental reasons, of course :))

My other main hangup is that brian is really not into the idea due to the increased messiness, hassle, etc., (he thinks and I'm not sure). So I don't want to get into something that will relegate me to do most of the diaper cleanups for the rest of our "baby" years. LOL.

10 months old

2011-01-10T16:58:00.000-08:00

My little newborn is now a mobile, chunky, gorgeous, babbling 10 month old-soon-to-be-toddler. I thinks he is very close to standing on her own and then walking. It's hard to believe that now it's my daughter who is almost 1! I am in shock.

Chloe is doing so many fun and cute things these days. She babbles all the time, often saying real words like dadda and momma (when she's mad). She tries to say 'light' and 'cat' and we've heard her say bye bye (randomly). She can climb the ENTIRE staircase of our house, she waves "hi" and "bye" like a champ, and she can give you things and play roll the ball. She loves peek'a'boo and loves to be tickled and kissed on her neck and belly.

She's also starting to do some of the not-so-fun things, like getting pickier about veggies and preferring fruits to veggies. I think I did a great job at providing her with tons of variety, but as babies get older, they, just like us, know what tastes better on their tongue! She is eating lots of new foods and trying new things all the time. She is also pushing things away, throwing herself on the floor when she's really upset, and screeching when I leave the room or hand her off.

She has EIGHT TEETH! She's still a pretty great sleeper, she's tending to need to be left alone more (even though she screams when we do leave) but she is too distracted when we're in the room. So we get a few minutes of crying around 7:15pm and USUALLY she's out for the whole night until around 7amish. We know we are so blessed!!!

Here's a few more pics from Christmas time since I never got to post any!

also - hello cuteness:

making chloe's food

2010-12-29T16:18:00.000-08:00

I've finally found a book that is allowing me to make more of Chloe's foods. I don't claim that everything is organic, and I don't claim that I will freshly cook EVERYTHING she eats. I still love the foods Gerber (and other baby manufacturers provide) but this has helped stretch me and see that things are DO-ABLE and easy if I have the free moments. Right now in my slow work period I'm able to do more things for Chloe like this and I really like it.

Anyway it's called The Best Homemade Baby Food On the Planet, and it tells me simple combos that I never would have thought of to spice up and vary the foods chloe is getting. Like pumpkin and banana mashed up together, dreamy green beans (frozen to cooked green beans pureed with cream cheese & plain yogurt), etc. So far Chloe is really enjoying this stuff and she is becoming a very good little eater! I even gave her cheerios today which for some reason I've been holding back on (even though she's a pro with the Gerber puffs) just because Cheerios were a bit harder and I was convinced she'd choke on them! yikes.

This book also goes up to toddler-ness with more mature combos and I'm excited for it to help me be creative instead of just giving her applesauce all the time :) I also like it because it tells you the importance of certain things like organic, but it doesn't push or preach it and it says, it's still so good for your baby if you are feeding them healthy foods with a variety and creative combos, and that you are doing it yourself. It is super encouraging and not overwhelming or intimidating!

Merry Christmas & Boxing Day :)

2010-12-26T15:08:00.000-08:00

We love when Chloe laughs like this - she doesn't do it every day, but that Paul-pa with his silliness can bring it out!

merry christmas from us!

2010-12-21T05:36:00.001-08:00

In lieu of paper cards this year, mainly because we don't have the $$ to send a christmas card to everyone of you in the mail since we love you all so much, I designed a little digital one for the world.

We love you all, and have had an incredible year, with the birth of our daughter Chloe our lives have been totally changed for the better. She is our light and laughter, and the joy of both of our families! My sister got married this year to an awesome young man, Josh, and we are so happy to have him in our family. We were blessed enough to take a trip to Myrtle Beach with Brian's family in september, and then to Maryland for Thanksgiving with Chloe where she ate her first thanksgiving treats :) Chloe is growing and learning and we are just trying to hang on for the ride! 2010 saw a great year of business for Rachel's business, Puremotif, as well, and is set for some big changes in 2011 and I can't wait to annouce them and show you our new look! Brian saw a lot of changes at Grace this year as well, and has begun preaching more and accepting new responsibilities as a Pastor.

We couldn't have asked for more and are so thankful for all the ways that our friends and family have been near us, reached out to us, and helped us during our first year as parents!

hair loss

2010-12-20T08:15:00.000-08:00

Did you know that when you have a baby, the hormone changes screw even with your hair? My hair was thick and lush while pregnant, and about 3-4 months post-partum, it started falling out, like CRAZY!! It was a bit scary at first, but I am blessed with thick hair naturally, so it wasn't so bad until I realized I actually had bald spots around my temples!

Well, it's been coming back in now for the last month or two, and it's finally pretty obvious exactly where the majority of the loss was. I'm just happy it's coming back, even though I practically have shag bangs around my whole face. LOL! I knew it was bad when my good friend Kristin goes "what's up with all these little hairs here?" while looking at me. aaah...

Observe the photographic evidence :) (highlights just done by Ellen)

Happier Post - Thanksgiving!

2010-12-10T12:35:00.000-08:00

We had so much fun in Maryland for Thanksgiving. She just loved being there, and loved having grandma & grandpa lusky around all the time. She also loved Daisy!! I have a ton of pictures and posted a bunch on Facebook so you can check them out there. Here are a few favorites.

tummy upsets

2010-12-10T11:59:00.000-08:00

This post is about gross tummy stuff, so you don't have to read it if you don't want to.

So, I'm pretty sure Chloe doesn't like pasta. I tried to give her a few cooked pieces. I put it in her mouth and her face turned sour, she started gagging, and proceeded to vomit and wretch all over the high chair.

The last few days have been rough around our house. Chloe caught some sort of stomach virus on Tuesday and has been throwing up and had diarrhea (not too severe, but definitely not herself). Then I caught it yesterday (mild form) and was not feeling great Thursday. Luckily I had a lot of help because I was sooo weak.

Did I ever tell you I have a fear of throwing up? Because I do. But I'm handling my daughter's puking surprisingly well (so far). It's amazing how you just spring into action. Maybe we've started to be trained because of all the spit up?

(unrelated picture)

thanksgiving for chloe

2010-11-26T10:59:00.000-08:00

I will have more pictures later, but Chloe is doing awesome in MD for Thanksgiving. She is just a doll and the star of the show! I will have more pics later of her enjoying mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, and some cranberries :) I brought a point&shoot camera... its not great though so i'm not really happy with my pictures of her with family members but that's the price i pay for not wanting to cart around the big one!

8 MONTHS!!!

2010-11-14T17:36:00.000-08:00

I have no pictures tonight, but wanted to just quickly put out there chloe's stats.

She has been sick with a cold/sinus/thing and it's been very hard. But when she is awake and not miserable, she's been soooo happy and mobile, developing leaps and bounds! We took her to the doctor last week and she was 21 lbs and 4 oz.

Some new talents:

- eating gerber puffs, some finger foods, and starting to be able to feed herself a little bit

- usually can hold her own bottle and sippy cup pretty well!

- starting to cruise along the furniture when standing with support, she is pulling herself up on everything, which is making for lots more tumbles these days.

- crawling, fast, and like a pro!

- she has FINALLY started babbling like all "the books" say she should, especially in the last 3 days. She used to only say "aaaaaaah... pbttttt" (that's ahhh, with a raspberry blown at the end) but now we're hearing:

"aaaaahbabab baa mamaga, wau wuh wuh duhduh"

(etc., you get it, consanent sounds).

- we bought a bigger car seat (halfway thanks to my Aunt Mary, she is the best) because she is quickly growing out of her infant carrier!

- Oh and also - she is getting 3 more teeth up top!! They are looking pretty in charge up there. haha.

It is SOOOO cute! I have a feeling that pretty soon we aren't going to be able to shut her up!

7 monthish update

2010-10-21T07:04:00.000-07:00

Chloe is feeling much better now. We believe it was some sort of 7-10 virus, because that is the exact length of time the tummy disturbance seemed to last. Her little bum got so bad we took her back to the doctor a second time. We were doing a strict regimen of clean off, let dry (some major air time for her tushy) then what I called her "butt frosting" - a layer of antibiotic, then lotrimin, then desitin max. I am happy to say her skin is almost completely healed now... just sort of a light pink tint where all the damage was. She is feeling so much better and seems to be back to normal.

In other news I tried peach baby yogurt for her today and she almost threw up. She was WRETCHING. It was funny and also I felt bad. So we stuck to her harvest vegetable blend with cereal. She seems to love veggies more then fruits at this point... I hope it lasts but I'm sure it won't!

I have so many new pics of her I posted on FB... too many to put all here, so I will just put up a few of my favorites.

More here if you can see this link: facebook

We did dress her up for Halloween - it was an Old Navy costume of a butterfly. We took her to zoo boo...which is semi pointless for kids under 1 year of age, but it was cute to see her dressed up. She seemed mainly bored, but she was very good.

chloe typed this:

mm innivy fcggff

upset tummy

2010-10-05T19:24:00.000-07:00

This is a pic of Chloe from a few weeks ago sporting her leg warmers from Danielle & her mac onesie from Christa. Thanks everyone :)

This post will be talking about baby poop. I totally understand if you don't want to read about that, and feel free to "mark as read" or "X out" or disregard, however you choose. But if you do, just say a little prayer for my chloe if you don't mind.

For the last 4-5 days, Chloe has been pooping ... a lot. like 6 times a day. This is very abnormal for her, she usually goes max 2 times, sometimes not at all, but most consistently about 2 times every day. The poop is all different colors & consistencies, I'll spare you the details, but you can tell that something weird is going on in her tummy. I am trying to isolate what could be causing her digestive upset. She doesn't seem to be too uncomfortable or in pain tummy wise except for her poor little raw bum, with her worst diaper rash to date. I took her to the docter because she was crying when we were wiping her... and I felt terrible for her and wanted to figure out the cause. They gave me a perscription, Nizoral cream, for her bum but you have to be careful how much you use it and honestly I'm nervous about using it on her based on the side effects and how delicate her skin is already :( But I'm gonna try for a few more days and see if it helps. So that is 2x a day and the rest of the time I'm trying to be very gentle, wipe with warm wipes, give her a little air and use desitin.

I feel so bad for her..... she just keeps going and going (poo). I cut a lot of her solid food intake back. I wondered if maybe it could be the little baby jar meats (I tried a one of chicken/sweet potatoes & just chicken last week for the first time). Brian is convinced it is. Me after hearing Similac is convinced that there is beetle larvae in the Target Up&Up formula that is her main source of nutrition. I still am breastfeeding in the morning, and this makes me wish I was breastfeeding even more, so I'm trying to maybe build my supply back up a bit so I can get one more nursing in a day and take out one of her formula bottles because usually breastmilk is easier on their systems.

anyway, not a huge thing, I don't think, but still I'm trying to figure it out.

--this mommy wishes she knew the answers--

bumps & bruises

2010-09-29T19:41:00.000-07:00

Over the last few weeks, Chloe has begun taking the first of what everyone tells me, many, tumbles. Before we left for Myrtle Beach, I was packing the suitcase on the bed, and Chloe was up there with me. She is now a rolling pro, but I still didn't think she could roll THAT fast. I did what every book tells you not to do, and the thing I rarely EVER do, I walked out of the room while she was on the bed, in the middle surrounded by quilts. Just outside the room after about 10 seconds, I heard the most sickening thud. Then the worst crying and screaming I'd heard from Chloe yet. My heart went from my chest to my toes and I was awash with adrenaline. I ran in to swoop her up, calmly looked her over for injuries and felt her head, then held and comforted her. I quietly took her downstairs while saying "it's ok, I love you, I'm so sorry" and put her in her carseat, almost forgetting her binky, and put her in the car with shaking arms and drove her to the ER. She ended up being completely and totally fine - not even a bump on her! But it was very scary and I felt completely responsible and like a TERRIBLE mother and horribly irresponsible. I now know that this little baby is so fast, and doesn't know her own strength and speed.

On Sunday, when I was walking into church with Chloe on one hip and two bags on the other shoulder, I somehow (still don't really get it) tripped over the curp and fell down on the cement. I honestly don't know how I landed, I just know my body tried to protect Chloe from the fall somehow but she still did bump her head and got a small bruise above her eye. There were many people around which was good and bad. I thrust her into some amazing and helpful man's arms so I could get up (I stil don't know who it was but I want to thank him) and then a variety of people swarmed around me to see if she was ok. I was humiliated and felt horrible and was so scared about how bad that could have been. I believe I definitely took the brunt of that fall, I have a really bad scab and bruise on my elbow and knee and some brushburn on my hand. It really could have been so much worse.

The thought of Chloe getting hurt and me being responsible or not able to protect her is a tough one to deal with, but things will happen despite my best intentions. I have never known love like the love I have for my daughter. Everyone says it, but it is different, it is powerful. Marital and romantic love is beautiful and amazing, but different. I can't explain the need and urge to protect Chloe. It started while she was inside me and I was terrified of doing anything to harm her then.

My little Chlo-bear... she is my angel.

Win an Ergo Carrier!

2010-09-25T13:54:00.001-07:00

I've always wanted an ERGO carrier for Chloe but never had the funds to get one. Here is a sweet contest for one! To qualify you have to post the link around everywhere so that's what I'm gonna do :)

http://www.heavenlyhold.com/pages/contest.htm

ERGO............. you should pick me! :)

TARGET Fall 2010 Advertisement featuring BLOGSPOT by Paul and The Patients

2010-09-23T17:24:00.000-07:00

The song in this ad is by my cousin Paul. It fits so perfectly! I am trying to get this out there so it gets around :) Enjoy and share! can't wait to see it on tv.

"healthy attachment"

2010-09-18T19:20:00.001-07:00

As Brian says. Chloe is DEFINITELY developing some attachment/separation issues with me. It's at the point now where she's playing, I leave the room and she whines. Sometimes she'll stop after a minute or two cuz she forgets about me, but sometimes it erupts into full-blown crying fits. She is still such a great baby though... she did quite well on our vacation (hope to post pictures of that at some point but we'll see)

She now clings to us when we pick her up... she wraps her little arms around our necks. It is darling and heart-melting.

I think this separation issues are going to be both a blessing and a curse!

I shot a wedding today and I missed her so much. It makes me scared if something were to ever happen to her... how awful it would be to never hold her again. She is so precious to me, the love I have for her is unbelievably big. It's just soooo different then anything else.

girly post

2010-09-15T20:15:00.000-07:00

This might be TMI for some of you, but for me it was sort of momentous. I just got my first menstrual period since my pregnancy/birth of Chloe in the middle of the night last night (well if you don't count the HUGE period you have right after you give birth, which I do... cuz it's like the worst one ever) but anyway. It was so weird. and of course I got it ON vacation... what the what!! So annoying. But anyway I was shocked. I guess the fact that she's mostly weaned now (I still nurse in the mornings and occasionally at night too) has finally caught up to me. Some women get it sooner.. but it took 6 months. Yeah... my baby is 6 months (but that is a whole other post).

I think it was the moon or the tides here in Myrtle Beach since we're staying right next to the ocean. Who knows. Ugh. I forgot how much periods SUUUCCCKKKK. I did NOT miss these.

k bye.

day-to-day

2010-09-06T14:30:00.000-07:00

This is just gonna be a random mind dump about chloe's day-to-day. I just wanted to get it all out and it was easier to type here then write all out in her baby book. i kind of wish I had a baby site instead of physical baby book but I guess you can't pass that on as much.

Chloe generally sleeps now from anywhere between 10-12 hours a night. It's truly incredible that I have such a great sleeper! She will get tired and cranky around 7:00 pm ...sometimes later. Most of the time at night she gets a bottle or nursing and it puts her right to sleep where we place her in her crib and she stays down! Occasionally she'll wake up around 4ish in the morning which is a bit tough, but I can handle it. I nurse a bit until she falls back asleep, but sometimes she wants to stay awake. we try to be firm that night time is sleep time! Sometimes at this point if she won't go down, Brian will help with his magic touch to get her to go back to sleep :)

When she wakes up in the morning she is usually so cute and happy - smiling and laughing and talking to herself in her crib. One of my favorite things is walking into her room in the morning and seeing her little smiling face. She gets so excited to see us first thing!! We change her diaper and then I usually nurse her for her "breakfast". Sometimes we bring her to bed with us - we are so lucky that we have a little time in the a.m. to spend together some mornings. She is just such a doll in the a.m.!

The rest of the day is spent in various periods of eating, playing, practicing rolling around, smiling, crying and yelling and talking loud. I am still really enjoying breast-feeding chloe - although she has bit me a few times. I really wasn't sure if I'd make it to 6 months, but because I also supplement with a little formula, the demand on me isn't so great and it is truly just a beautiful experience now. It is always available in the wee morning hours, when she is too sad or upset, etc. and can't be comforted by anything else and also sometimes to get her to sleep. I just love it so much - I look at her and just adore her all the time but nursing can be a special time for us! Even bottle feeding is awesome too. She has also tried various fruits & veggies - carrots, squash, sweet potatoes, pears, applesauce, and oatmeal cereal. I've also tried fresh bananas and avacado and she's done great with them. She is an EATER!!

She is rolling and rolling and rolling. She creeps and almost crawls at certain times, but generally she just pushes herself backwards a lot and mainly rolls from place to place. Yesterday she pushed up on her hands & knees and got her chest/stomach off the floor. It was awesome! We are so proud of her.

She doesn't 'giggle' that much... however she does vocalize all the time. But when we can get her to giggle it's the best sound ever!! When she cries she often makes consanent sounds like "mamamaoammmaaaaamaaaaaa" or "baaababaaaaabaaa" and also sometimes when she's awake and happy too, but we're waiting on a litlte more of that. Her cries often go from whines to yells in an instant. it's quite interesting. I think she might be a bit of a whiner...we'll see.

She's super sweet and gives big wet sloppy kisses on my face. I adore it!

She's almost SIX MONTHS OLD!!

sooo cute

2010-08-30T12:28:00.000-07:00

I couldn't not post pictures of Chloe today. She has on this new long sleeve onesie and just looks so adorable with her little pink pants. She was making such cute and hilarious faces too! I think the flash was confusing her but she played along quite well :)

Here's a few of my favies:

hehee:

almost completely sitting up by herself now - she can do it for about 15-20 seconds sometimes longer!

this one is a bit out of focus but i love it like this:

this cracks me up:

she's been really into tags lately!

also I finally got a picture where you can kind of see her two front bottom teeth. yay!

and she's learning to kiss. it's hilarious and melts my heart, and also my face gets drenched with drool

See more here on flickr.

chloe is 5 months

2010-08-10T04:51:00.000-07:00

It is seriously so hard for me to keep up with this blog anymore. I honestly don'tk now how regular bloggers do it. I think because I am a photographer and deal with hundreds of photos everyday, I get sooo overwhelmed by my own personal ones that I just don't have to pick the best, fix them, get them up on the blog, etc. Well... here's a shot. We'll see if this will take me like all day to get finished. Excuse that half of these photos are iphone pics, but it is my main-day-to-day-capture-the-moment camera. I love my iPhone. (despite the fact that since the OS4 update it runs like crap)

At 5 months, Chloe is:

Wearing her lightening hair in cute new ways

Trying on cute dresses that she got as gifts before she grows out of them

Riding on a boat! (just once, but it was fun!)

Rolling over all the time from back to tummy, but still can't quite get the other way (even though that was the first way she rolled over weeks ago)

She's spending lots more time outside with her friends & family

Still sleeping very well through the night, waking up sometimes... and taking pretty regular (short) naps about every 2-3 hours. Usually you are tired and cranky by 7:00pm!

Trying to sit up oh so hard! But occasionally toppling down...

Sitting on the front porch steps with mommy & daddy

Eating new foods, oatmeal, sweet potatoes, and pears
(also looking just like her daddy - what the heck)

Talking and babbling and yelling. You go to the nursery at church now because you are too loud :) But we love it at home!

Becoming friends with Tycho... :)

Laughing, smiling, and seemingly in love with everyone!

Also... TEETHING! I don't have a picture though, but your first bottom tooth is popping through ... started on your 5 month birthday!

CRAZY Dreams

2010-07-26T10:56:00.000-07:00

I have been having some of my most vivid and bizarre dreams over the last few nights. No idea what is going on. Last night I read Stephanie Meyer's new Novella before bed, and therefore dreamed about vampires. You should read all this because you might be mentioned! The night before all of these things were in my dream:

I DREAMT ON JULY 24:
Bill & Christie were pregnant with twins
Lady Gaga was doing my hair and she told me to go back to my natural color
Someone tried to steal my laptop, camera, AND hard-drive
I dropped my 17-55mm 2.8 lens (again, this happened in real life...it fell out of my shootsac) and it was totally broken.
I forgot about 2 love/engagement sessions, I literally was half asleep when they all showed up, and the weather was crappy - Danielle & Dave, and Heather Kinal & her hubby Murl. Both were really upset with me. We were climbing over roofs and in these weird blue rooms.
I was taking pictures of Jessy Deppen/Burkell & Laurel Watson/Clark, as friends, couple... I don't know why!
My mom & dad stopped over unannounced and I freaked out on them (not that far off from reality) ;-)
There was a tv show/film going on right outside my house
My mother was letting homeless people into my house and demanding that I feed them.

It... was... weird!

almost 4 months old

2010-07-01T10:00:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe this little girl. She is 16 weeks old now and so very vocal. She loves to smile at herself, she must think she's pretty cute. (she's right)

She is doing great on her tummy, but she still gets annoyed after about 5-10 minutes there.

She rolled over last Friday twice in a row from tummy to back, but we haven't been able to get her to repeat it since. Her hair is going NUTs. She loves when Brian or I put her high above our head and sing "Super girl!"

She makes a hilarious pouty face now that cracks me up! (see below)

And she is learning and communicating. I can't wait to hear what her voice will be like one day! I am loving being her mom, struggling with time and how to get into a routine. But she sleeps so well at night, I can't complain about anything. She is an angel baby!

Here are some cute videos of her. The first is at 14 weeks, the second at 15, and the third taken this morning at 16 weeks. Enjoy :)

so much interaction

2010-06-20T18:31:00.000-07:00

Chloe is just turning into a little charmer. She smiles and laughs and interacts with us all the time. She is grabbing, playing, and trying so hard to roll over. She enjoys us lifting her up high and playing super-chloe with her! she loves when sing and talk to her. Sometimes she gets so excited she squeels, sucks in her breath and makes this hilarious noise! She has this intense pursing face she does with her lips that I adore. She is sleeping so well at night.... She is just an incredible baby. I am in love with her so much and my family & friends can't get enough of her. I'm not sure if any baby has been so loved and showered with attention. I hope it doesn't mess her up. LOL! I have so many cute videos of her but they take so long to upload, so for now I'll leave you with a beautiful picture I took of her last week. It's so amazing to watch her discovering the world!!

Life keeps chugging along

2010-05-29T05:03:00.000-07:00

I thought life went fast before... it is nothing compared to now. I cannot believe it has been almost 3 months since Chloe was born and I was pregnant with her. It seems like just yesterday, yet also a lifetime away! Chloe is changing and growing and a lightening speed. It is all so unbelievable. I can't get over her... everyday we are just in awe of how gorgeous she is, how cute, and how special she is.... and how much we love her. The love is like deep, wide, and thick... if that makes sense. It is all encompassing.

We put her in her crib a few weeks ago and she is doing fantastic. She has started "sleeping through the night"... going from stretches of about 9pm to 5am, then growing from 8:30pm to 5:30am, and last night, 8:00pm to 7:00am - that is ELEVEN HOURS. I am in shock. I know it won't happen every night but I am soooo proud of her. And she didn't even nurse or have a bottle directly before bed last night, she actually sort of refused it, so the last time she had eaten was almost 12 hours prior around 7:00. It's insane!

Brian loves his daughter a ton. We often just look at her and marvel at how awesome, beautiful, precious she is to us. He takes a hands on role in paretning, not afraid to tell me his opinions and to tell me to back off, and let him take over. He's sometimes cleans the house while I'm gone on the few errands I run without the baby, and he is giving me countless back massages (my back is totally out of whack from lifting chloe, the baby carrier, and shooting weddings again). I love my husband so much. Our family is so incredible to me!

I've started shooting weddings/working again. It is a whole new ballgame with a child. For three main reasons - 1) I miss her so much for that 8-10 hour stretch I am gone, everytime I see a child I want to grab it. She is on my mind a lot. 2) It is very difficult to juggle it with breastfeeding and not getting a break sometimes. I am not always able to pump and this can become, shall we say, uncomfortable and can also screw with my milk supply for a day or two afterwards. But it is worth it. I've also noticed I'm taking more pictures of children at the weddings .... like my camera is drawn to them! and 3) I can hardly get any editing done during the week because she keeps me hopping. Sometimes she'll nap for an hour or two and I can get some things done, but the house needs to be kept in some semblance of order, dishes and laundry have to be attended to as well. It is tricky to balance, but I love love love Chloe's addition to our lives, it is all worth it. And I am super blessed because I have so many people who can help. My mother who is invaluable to me and loves Chloe so much, my sister and father help out, my Aunt Mary and cousin Rebekah are also helping me too. Another friend Kelly has watched Chloe (and I think really enjoyed it) twice for me without asking for any money. One of my best friends Christy made us another meal yesterday AND cooked one for us in the freezer. Even at almost 3 months, people providing us with food is HUGE. I am so grateful.

In other news our good friends Christie & Bill had their beautiful baby boy Jackson. He is a little peanut and it is so wonderful to be sharing this experience with so many good friends.

I also will have some pictures of Chloe with a few other of my friends babies that I hope to post later. Oh she's starting to pick her head up really well. She still doesn't tolerate her tummy for more then about 10 minutes at a time, but the boppy is helping her.

Also, Amy's wedding is quickly approaching and her shower is coming up. We have a few things to do to get ready but I think it will come together well. I can't believe my little sister is going to be married soon. I am so excited for her!!

And here's a video of chloe being adorable:

chloe's dedication & my first mother's day

2010-05-18T19:26:00.000-07:00

May 9, 2010. Chloe was also officially 2 months old on this day!

The joy of my first mother's day was Chloe getting dedicated and dressing her up as my little beauty. She was so good all day and we had a wonderful lunch with both sets of grandparents and her aunty amy & future-uncle-josh. It was a great day. I love my family and my baby girl! Here are some pictures.

When we got home I set her down in this chair for a minute and she just set down with her legs crossed and had this little cute smile/expression. I ran for my camera!!!

chloe is 8 weeks... thats like 2 months. woah.

2010-05-04T06:36:00.000-07:00

As you can see, Chloe's expressions are keeping us on our toes, laughing and warming our hearts! She is smiling much of the day, and just being such a little dear! She is reacting to our faces, voices, and kicking and playing during her active times. She loves to lay on her back, look around and kick kick and squeal. We are still working on tummy time - we force her to do it for a few times a day as long as she can tolerate it, and she's getting better. The last 2 days I've noticed her right on her side at least 3 times. I think rolling over is soon to follow!

Chloe has had a few great sleeping nights... May 2, she slept from 9:30pm till 4:00am, had one feeding, then went back to sleep in the co-sleeper from 5:00am-8:00am. It was the best night of sleep we've had since she was born! Last night wasn't quite as good, but still not too bad. We're getting there! I think we're going to move her into sleeping in her own room and crib in the next week or two here. I'm kind of dreading it though because breastfeeding is sooo much easier when I don't have to get out of bed - although to be honest, I end up out of bed usually to take a potty break! :)

Mom and dad (thats us) are doing great. I am adjusting to this little girl now, the changes, and just loving her and life. I can't believe I've been blessed with this adorable sweetie. I often look at her and cuddle her and think - she is literally the most beautiful baby I've ever seen! I'm sure every parent thinks that about their child though ;)

I bought a few new toys, a new nursing cover I love and a gorgeous Mei Tai carrier - I will post about them another time.

chloe's birth annoucement

2010-05-02T06:51:00.000-07:00

Sent out more than we could afford... if you didn't receive on printed, here it is for the world to see! I love my little darling!

Chloe at 6 weeks

2010-04-20T15:15:00.000-07:00

I had my 6 week checkup today and all looks good. It was so wonderful to see my midwife again and all the people that were with me through my whole pregnancy. It's almost weird to NOT be going there every week because you are there so much during the end of the pregnancy. I love those midwives, especially Peggy Boyd at Erie Women's Health Partners. I highly recommend her. I trusted her to make the right decisions for me and for Chloe and we are both recovered and healthy now... and I attribute a lot of that to the care I received there. I decided with her and my PCP's advice to get back on Zoloft now before I get too overwhelmed, and be ready to start work again in May (shooting weddings). She thought it was a really smart decision. Being a mom is HARD and I find myself snapping a little at people sometimes when I am very tired. I am not ashamed that I need a little help to cope!

Everyone was going nuts over Chloe today. She is definitely filling out - at her 1 month appointment she was 10 lbs (last week) 75 percentile for her weight and 21.25 inches (gained a quarter inch) 50th percentile for height. Her infant acne has really gone down and her beautiful skin is returning! Her clogged tear duct also seems to have stopped too which is fantastic! I am so excited to see her adjusting to life.

Here is a video of her at 6 weeks. After this she started crying pretty inconsolably ... so its not all giggles all the time ;-)

Love this girl!!

sleeping

2010-04-15T06:32:00.000-07:00

This whole sleeping thing is so weird. Getting on baby's schedule, while trying to slowly mold her a bit more to ours. We've had a pretty good week so far - 3 out of teh four nights she's slept 6-7 hours at a time from around 9:30 to 3:30 ish, its been truly amazing. I didn't believe she could do it, but Brian was convinced so we started putting her down in the co-sleeper a little earlier... usually she falls asleep on her own but 2 nights I had to rock her to sleep (which only takes about 10 minutes) after her last feeding. Chloe is so funny when she's trying to wake herself up out of that deep sleep, she makes so many grunting noises... she stretches and squeals and sucks her fingers as she realizes how long its been since she ate!

I seriously think one of the secrets is the Halo SleepSack, Swaddle - We use it almost every night as her "blanket" and it keep her warm and cozy. I know eventually we won't be able to swaddle her arms in... but for now its working really well. Its a bit of a pain to get her out of it but worth it for the sound sleep she seems to get in it. I have a few other "sleep bags" that don't have the swaddle aspect so soon we will try those at night.

So we are hoping this pattern continues. I am really enjoying sleeping in the same room with her in the co-sleeper, it gives me so much peace and security to just lean over and know she is safe and warm with us. But at the same time I don't sleep as soundly, especially around the 5 hour mark I usually wake up and just wait and watch for her to wake up for 45 minutes. And when she makes noises they wake me up. The SIDs guidelines say baby should stay in the room with you for at least the first 6 months. I don't think that we will be able to do it that long though... I was thinking at the end of this month to start putting her in her crib. It certainlymakes it easier to nurse her when she is right there. Well... we will come to a decision.

Anyway... things are pretty good. I really hurt my back yesterday... doing nothing, I think I irritated it trying out different baby carriers the 2 days previous. So this is not good and is making it hard... I've had to ask for help from friends and family to come and help me with Chloe because sometimes my back hurts SO much I feel like I'm going to drop the baby.

I've started doing some work again for my old employer which is great but is making things quite hairy!

Oh also... we finally bit the bullet and got a new (used) car. We've been driving beaters for so long, it was time... things fell into place. Although I hate having a car payment again (its been a few years for us), it is worth it. This car rocks! It's a 2006 Hyundai Santa Fe.

chloe is almost 1 month old!

2010-04-07T11:59:00.000-07:00

This picture is when my mom and I took Chloe on her first walk. lol!

To say everything has changed... is an understatement. I never realized how completely different "pregnancy" is from having the baby - i mean, its a new world. It's like a new level. Chloe is beautiful and sweet, and yet she has her trying moments. Our house has moments of peacefulness and sometimes moments of chaos! I'm starting to go out again and do things, take her with me, and deal with consequences. The visits and meals have trailed off, things are starting to form our own normalcy. It was such a huge help having all those and people have been insanely generous with gifts. At the same time, seeing so many people and doing mild entertaining was overwhelming. Brian is off for 3 days this week and we are still having trouble getting things that are non-chloe-related done (i.e., sending in our estimated quarter 1 tax payments, looking for a new car, ehem... cleaning... lol)

Breastfeeding has been a challenge, then other times its just totally simple and natural. I struggle the most with being in public with it... thankfully our church has a parents room and a nursing mothers room because I pretty much can't get through an entire church service/experience which goes around 2+ hours including travel without feeding Chloe. It's hard because I want to do this for my baby, but I hate making anyone uncomfortable... but this is absolutely the best thing I can do for her right now, and I am committed to making it work as long as I can. I have moments where I'm like - I will definitely do this for at least 6 months, then moments where I'm like... ok... I just want to make it to three months. I'm starting to get nervous about returning to "work" in a little over a month - shooting my first wedding may 15 and what that will mean for our "routine" which is barely a routine really. Pumping is hard, and I hate it. It makes me feel demeaned and unnatural. lol. . . but its necessary for me to have any semblence of freedom at all!

Aside from those new tough moments - I can't believe how much I love this little one. When I see her my heart warms, I feel everything inside me open up to receive and nurture her. I struggle to let her cry for more then a few minutes without my heart breaking! I feel like she does know me already in a lot of ways, and she has different responses to me when I pick her up vs. others, and that is satisfying although I know it is instinctual :)

She is starting to make little smiling faces which just melt my heart and everyone elses (including daddy and grandma's) :-) Thanks to the heat though, or just baby-dum, she has developed some intense breakouts on her face and on her neck. I feel bad for her... she also has a clogged tear duct which some days is super goopy and gross and other days looks totally normal. We have a 1 month appt on Friday so we are going to investigate these things!

I will try to post a little more frequently... I did take some pictures for Easter and had her in a few cute but stylish outfits that I wanted to show off. :) My next endeavor is to try to get her flipping birth announcements done! It's sooo hard to get to this kind of stuff! I can't believe how much longer things take now! lol :)

chloe grace

2010-03-16T10:27:00.000-07:00

Chloe Grace, Born March 9, 2010 at 11:18am, 8lbs 2.5 oz, 21 inches. She is one week old today!

Wow... You think and think about all of this for 10+ months, and then suddenly, the baby is here and you're doing it all, and its happening, and she's in your arms. I can't believe it all. I am in awe, tired, joyful, frustrated, emotional, peaceful. It's all so unbelievable.

Following is a full account of how Chloe's labor/delivery went and all our trials and joys through those few days. It was really crazy and not how I expected it at all. Nothing could have prepared me for it, and some if it feels like a dream due to the medications I was on at certain parts of my labor. I do go into detail, so if you'd rather not read it, that is totally fine - you've been warned :)

On Saturday evening, I noticed a tiny leak during the middle of the night. It's always tough at this point in a pregnancy to know exactly what you are dealing with, because well... let's be frank, you're constantly peeing and sometimes a little leaks out. But I was pretty sure this was fluid. Because it was such a tiny amount though, I wasn't too worried and figured... well if it is truly my water breaking, it will come full force today. Sunday night, I noticed it again in the middle of the night, and was sure it was fluid. So, I called my midwife and they wanted me in right away. At 1:40 pm I had an appointment and she checked me and told me I was no further dilated (only about 1 cm) but that it was definitely a high amniotic fluid leak.

peggy: "We're going to get you to the hospital to get delivered."
me: "what? really?"
peggy: "yes, there is a risk of infection to your placenta with a leak like this, and because it's been going on since Saturday, we need to get this baby out right away."
me: "cry"

So I called Brian, and we came home, got our stuff in order (it was amazing how many things we were thinking of to get done) and we went off to the hospital that night. Here is a picture of me and Brian, excited and terrified, and then me - last belly shot - almost exactly 40 weeks.

After getting to the hospital, they got us settled into the room, and it was all pretty calm and boring for a while. I was given Cytotec in the cervix around 6 or 7pm (which is a bit scary but I had to have it vs. cervadil due to my asthma), and strapped up to a bunch of monitors to keep Chloe's heart rate and my contractions monitored.

Around midnight the cytotec started to do its work and I begin intense cramping and contractions that made me absolutely nuts. I was also on Nubain and a sleeping pill, so I felt like I was trapped in a painful nightmare with no relief. Around 5:00am I finally was dilated to 3cm, so I got my epidural at 6am ..then I had the best 2-3 hours ever. I had so much peace and the pain was gone, I felt warm fuzzy and amazing. I dilated quickly in 30 minutes to 6cm due to being relaxed, then by 9am I was fully dilated and effaced and just waiting for "pushing pressure"... which admittedly was hard to feel due to the epidural. At 9:00am we started pushing, after Peggy broke my water. She immediately saw meconium and had the NICU nurses on standby. I was so scared when I heard this because I know how dangerous it can be. I knew that they were monitoring Chloe's heart rate though so I just prayed she wasn't breathing it in.

I basically pushed for an hour unsuccessfully and I was so discouraged, and already completely exhausted. My midwife had to leave for about 25 minutes to attend to another patient, and I became extremely discouraged because I knew she didn't expect anything to happen but I kept pushing and exhausting myself. Then Peggy came back and they turned my epidural down... then I could feel the urge to push (well the horrible cramping/contractions) and I became extremely motivated for it to be OVER... but also felt like I was being tortured. The baby was having a hard time coming under my pubic bone... and things were moving so slowly. I know it was all very bloody and gross and I feel horrible that Brian and my mother had to watch it all happen, I know it was excruciating for Brian to watch me in so much pain and so exhausted. My arms were killing me from holding my legs back. I wanted to give up so many times. At one point I thought I might have a C-section because Peggy said the baby's head was swelling a little bit. It turns out she was actually in a sort of posterior and had to twist a lot in the birth canal, which might have been part of the reason pushing took so long. Finally I saw them break the bed down at the end, which was a huge motivator for me because I knew that we were getting close. I had to have an episiotomy, but I honestly didn't care... I was so tired and in so much pain and so scared I wanted Chloe to be born as quickly as possible and safely.

When she came out, Peggy said, she's not going to be breathing... and she was limp and lifeless and her head was very coned...and covered in... well stuff... and they wisked her off and bagged her, trying to get the meconium out before she took her first breaths. We didn't hear her for what seemed like an eternity... brian held my hand and we just looked at each other and finally we started hearing her wimpers and little cries. The poor baby it was so traumatic for her too. It was the scariest, worst, best craziest moment of my life. I couldn't believe what we had just been through and what was happening. I had a moment with her before they took her to the nursery to get checked out:

The recovery has been painful and difficult, no question, but I'm definitely starting to improve. Our first days with Chloe are sort of a blur, yet precious and amazing too. We are barely getting into a little bit of a groove, as much as you can with a newborn who just eats, sleeps and cries and poops :) but her alert phases are so wondrous, and I just want to kiss and hold her all the time (which I don't thinks he minds since right now she is definitely preferring to be held then anything else) :) We are trying to work on getting her to sleep a little longer each night in her co-sleeper (right next to me) in bed.

Breastfeeding has been a challenge for sure, but we're getting there and improving, I think. When we get it right, it is truly beautiful and amazing. I love all the aspects of this all so much. I am in so much love with this little angel!

There are more pictures on facebook/flickr if you are interested:

Facebook

Flickr

to chloe the day/evening before her birth

2010-03-08T07:55:00.000-08:00

3-8-2010, 10:10pm

To Chloe:

I am here at the hospital being induced. Tomorrow we will be exactly 40 weeks together. Turns out we bothered something in there and started leaking some fluid so Peggy, the midwife didn't want to take any chances and so we are getting things rolling and getting you out to make sure you are safe.

I feel like I'm having an out-of-body experience. I cannot believe I'm going to hold you in my arms after these long months. I can't wait to see your face. I think you will be perfect.

Your daddy and grandmas and grandpas have been praying for you. We are praying for your safety during this whole thing. We are praying for God's blessing over your life.

Chloe Grace... it's time to be born. I love you!

~Mommy

Chloe's Song by my cousin Paul

2010-03-04T13:27:00.000-08:00

My cousin Paul wrote a beautiful song for Chloe, of course it brought me to tears. Wanted to share it here.

Chloe, though you’re wide awake
You’ve never seen this world
Chloe, though you’re wide awake
You have no fears at all

I hope you always stay that way
When you’re growing up
Whenever you’re feeling
Maybe things are stuck
Keep it in your heart
Then you’ll move around
I bet it won’t let you down

Chloe, though you’re wide awake
You’ve never seen this place
Chloe, so innocent and small
And so full of grace

I hope you always stay that way
When you’re growing up
Whenever you’re feeling
Maybe things are stuck
Keep it in your heart
Then you’ll move around
I bet it won’t let you down

To listen - click here. It's well worth it (in my opinion)

39 Weeks

2010-03-02T07:42:00.000-08:00

The main word in my mind, vocabulary, thoughts, fears, and conversation is "when??" I am in such anticipation mode. Trying to calm down, trying to enjoy the last days/weeks of my pregnancy (who knows how long it will be). Trying not to have too many feelings of jealousy for some of my close friends around me who have already had their babies (including all the couples in my birthing class, I am now the last one!). God knows Chloe's birthday, and I am trying to remember that, enjoy her and remember she will never be easier to care for then she is right now.

It wouldn't be so bad but with my grandpa's funeral last week, I was just inundated with questions. Everyone wants to be involved and know, which I love in a lot of ways, and is hard in many other ways. I think because of all the questioning I feel more pressure then I would have otherwise!

39 Weeks

Your baby's waiting to greet the world! He continues to build a layer of fat to help control his body temperature after birth, but it's likely he already measures about 20 inches and weighs a bit over 7 pounds, a mini watermelon. (Boys tend to be slightly heavier than girls.) The outer layers of his skin are sloughing off as new skin forms underneath.

She will come when she's ready. I have an appointment tomorrow and hope to get some more ideas, information. Sonogram and non stress test too! So if she doesn't come tonight (which I'm not feeling anything telling me she will) I at least get to see her again :)

38 Weeks

2010-02-23T20:37:00.001-08:00

My dear grandfather Koos passed away on Monday morning. He was at peace and resting comfortably. I really thought he might make it to meet Chloe... but it was not in God's timing. One life ends and another begins... it really is that way. I know he and my grandma are looking down on me. The funeral home is tomorrow from 3-8 at Duskas by church and then the funeral is thursday morning. I don't think it has really hit any of us or will until all that formality starts tomorrow and then is over next week, especially for his dear children (my mother, uncle, and aunt) who have been tirelessly caring for him for the last 10 months, and for my grandmother for the last year or two before that. Papa I will miss you so much. I wish I had had more conversations with you and we had known each other even better. You were incredible! You and grandma touched SO many lives its unbelievable! Give grandma hugs and kisses for me in heaven. I miss her so much.

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38 Weeks

Your baby has really plumped up, weighing close to seven pounds and measuring 20 inches long. (like a leek). She has a firm grasp, which you'll soon be able to test when you hold her hand for the first time! Her organs have matured and are ready for life outside the womb. Fetal development is nearly complete as your baby tends to a few last-minute details like shedding the skin-protecting vernix and lanugo. He's also producing more surfactant, a substance that prevents the air sacs in his lungs from sticking to one another once he starts to breathe.

Meanwhile, your body is tending to its own final touches before the big day, one of which is getting that milk machine up and running. For many women, the next couple of weeks are a waiting game. Use this time to prepare your baby's nursery or to take care of necessary tasks you may not get around to for a while after your baby's born. Take naps, catch up on your reading, and spend uninterrupted time with your partner while you can.

-----------------

wait wait wait. that is where my mind is. patience. enjoy it. take every day to the fullest. spend time in quiet rest now. pay attention to chloe and her movements. she is with you now. these are all things I tell myself.

Here is me, Chloe & my belly at 38 weeks. I kind of hope this is the last stomach shot I take! The big bump where my stomach really juts out at the top of the bump above the doorknob is her butt and feet. They are often shifting, coming out at weird angles and pushing. It is such an odd sensation and looks craaazy from up above. She is very strong and her body does things I don't understand! I am just along for the ride it seems :)

37.5 Week Appt & Sonogram... + Papa

2010-02-19T20:16:00.000-08:00

We had an exciting appointment yesterday, got to see an ultrasound of Chloe where they 1) confirmed yes she is a girl! said 2) everything looked great and she passed with flying colors 3) estimated her weight around 7 lbs!!! That is so hard to believe, I have a full size infant inside me. She is right on track for almost 38 weeks at that weight. We then did a non stress test where we got to listen to around 30 solid minutes of her heart rate, and that was exciting and fun, especially when it would speed up and get louder when I would laugh, move around, etc. My mom got to come too and meet one of my midwives which I know was really great for her. We got to see just a small glimpse of Chloe's face which was just a heavenly moment for me. It was hard to make out but what I saw was so beautiful.

While doing the non stress test, we called over to my Papa's house, and they put the phone up to his ear so he could hear Chloe's heart beat... I got to tell him I loved him over the phone, and we were all crying. It was a precious moment, and unfortunately the most contact he might get to have with his great grand child. Things have turned on a dime so fast, they are already to the "we are just trying to keep him pain free and comfortable"-stage. They moved him into his hospital bed in his room for the duration of his days... not sure how much longer that will be, but we aren't sure if he'll make it through the weekend. This is all so crazy... the timing of it, the emotion of it, the sadness and joy all at the same time. I seriously am all over the place. I feel good, then numb, then freaked out and panicky, then I just cry and cry while bouncing on an exercise ball trying to prepare for my first child's birth.

I'm sorry for all the emotions in this post. It is an intense intense month. That's all I can say!

At this stage, it's pretty tough to make out really what is going on via sonogram pics because the baby is big, but this is Chloe's face though, sort of turned towards you - can see her nose, mouth and forehead. And by her mouth is her hand.

Here is her body, ribcage, heart, and head.

37 Weeks

2010-02-16T18:58:00.000-08:00

This - is crazy - to see.... I've been watching this little chart since the beginning. I can't believe I'm already so close to the end of it. And yet it seems so far away too....

Congratulations — your baby is full term! This means that if your baby arrives now, his lungs should be fully mature and ready to adjust to life outside the womb, even though your due date is still three weeks away.

Your baby weighs 6 1/3 pounds and measures a bit over 19 inches, head to heel (like a stalk of Swiss chard(SWISS WHAT???). Many babies have a full head of hair at birth, with locks from 1/2 inch to 1 1/2 inches long. But don't be surprised if your baby's hair isn't the same color as yours. Dark-haired couples are sometimes thrown for a loop when their children come out as blonds or redheads, and fair-haired couples have been surprised by Elvis look-alikes. And then, of course, some babies sport only peach fuzz.

See what your baby looks like this week.

Crazy crazy times.

Yes, I'm very uncomfortable... yes I'm still in pain, and yes I'm getting giddy and excited, and yes I'm terrified at the same time. And all this is happening, preparing for this new life... and my grandpa is declining pretty quickly. We thought he might have more time then he does. We are just waiting on the Lord, trying to spend time with him - he is encouraged when his family is near him. Chloe was conceived the week after my grandmother died. If this all goes together like it looks like it might with Papa... I seriously will not know what to think. Pray for him and my family. It is looking to be an insane month!

anxious

2010-02-14T15:29:00.001-08:00

It's probably not good that I'm already so anxious for Chloe's arrival. I'm SURE it will be at least 2 if not 3 more full weeks as she will most likely be born right around or after her actual due date of March 9. One of the girls from my birthing class had her baby yesterday and I am so jealous!!! I just am so scared but so excited at the same time. I want to meet her! Yet I want her to remain safe and cozy and healthy as long as she needs to. I need to start praying daily for her safety and for her delivery. I think I get so wrapped up in other things that I forget about this sometimes. I must must must put my faith and trust in the Lord at this point.

36 weeks & appt

2010-02-10T10:14:00.000-08:00

36 Weeks!
Your baby is still packing on the pounds — at the rate of about an ounce a day. She now weighs almost 6 pounds (like a crenshaw melon) and is more than 18 1/2 inches long. She's shedding most of the downy covering of hair that covered her body as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that covered and protected her skin during her nine-month amniotic bath. Your baby swallows both of these substances, along with other secretions, resulting in a blackish mixture, called meconium, will form the contents of her first bowel movement.

At the end of this week, your baby will be considered full-term. (Full-term is 37 to 42 weeks; babies born before 37 weeks are pre-term and those born after 42 are post-term.) Most likely she's in a head-down position.
-----
Had an appt with my midwife today. They did the strep b swab and I'll find out about that. I had a sonogram of my upper abdominal organs last week - a few things were slightly enlarged but they thought it was pregnancy-related and nothing to worry about. My blood pressure was just a TINY bit high at the beginning of this appt, but by the end it was totally fine. Chloe was head down curled around with her back to my left and her feet somewhere in the right of my abdomen. So cute... I love how professionals can tell where the baby is and can feel the different portions!

I also got some awesome news - my midwives want to do a sonogram/biophysical profile and non-stress-test on me at my next appt becuase of my asthma. They aren't worried, they just want to make sure things are on track. And Peggy said "I just am curious about how much this little girl weighs!" SO AM I! And the thing is I didn't even ask. So, I'm kind of glad I had asthma cuz I get an extra sono. is that terrible to say? probably. I'm literally giddy right now at the thought of seeing any of my baby again - even if it's just a foot. It's been so long!!!

Symptom wise, pain is the same in my abdomen/ribs - pretty rough at times, still have avoided taking the pain medication. I feel like a whale and I almost fell over at the doctor's today getting off the scale (which I for ONCE didn't GAIN any weight in a week which was good cuz I've been packing on the pounds). I am having some slightly painful twinges in my pelvis which is normal, bladder is crazy crazy as usual, joints are loosening and I still think I'm getting some Braxton Hicks contractions, occasionally. Brian couldn't make it to this appt but I think it was a-ok. My mom wasnts to come to the next one to meet my midwives. haha.

I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE SO CLOSE!!!

chloe's nursery so far

2010-02-06T17:03:00.000-08:00

I put these on facebook already but wanted to get them here.

Here is the orange wall with cute new lightswitch cover we were given (love it) and her abundance of stuffed animals (all presents!). The drawer is filled with onesies, and these are only from basically 0-3 months, some 3-6 but they still look super tiny to me. I have been very blessed with clothes... as you'll see in next pictures.

This is the shelf in the closet with hooded towels, wash cloths and receiving blankets. I know it won't stay this neat, but I can dream :-)

Here is the beautiful closet! We love it!!! I am so happy, it is like the epitomy of nesting if I ever saw it. Preparing, washing and folding all this has been therapeutic/exhausting for me at the same time.

Here is the wall mural my father and I painted today. It is based off the crib bedding, JJ Cole, PInk Craze. I wanted something big, graphic and fun but still girly and lighthearted. So I just took the flowers on the bedding and worked with them, creating a design in ILlustrator an d projecting on the wall. It was not easy to paint, took at least 3 coats on each of the flowers to get them thick, perfect enough.

Another view of the mural on the wall and her crib/changing table!

I will be 36 weeks on Tuesday. Things are so crazy in my head right now. I feel so ready and so not ready at the same time - but mostly I just can't wait to meet my child!!! It's just around the corner... the pregnant girls from my shower are starting to tick off the list, 2 out of 5 have had their babies, one more then I'm next. Crazy crazy crazy life!

I'm still in pain, no change there - stopped doing chiropractic because it wasn't helping me. Since I stopped I will say my pelvic/groin pain has actually improved. Not sure if the adjustments might have actually been irritating my sensitive bones/muscles instead of helping. I've been working in bed a lot during the day. I really need to get my taxes done and some business things sorted out in the next 2 weeks so I can put it behind me and focus on the baby when she is born. They gave me a sonogram of my upper abdominal organs to see if there was anything weird going on there, but I don't think they will find anything. I didn't get to see the baby in that sono though, so I was thoroughly disappointed. I know in a few weeks it will be a moot point since I"ll be looking at her in person, but still... it's such a mystery!!!

Also, I feel like a whale. Seriously. And people are starting to say "you look like you're going to pop" to me, which is both exciting and insulting at the same time. Oh I also got "she's never going to make it to March 9 with how she's carrying that baby and how she's walking" -- it's so weird... I don't see myself as waddling, etc, but I guess I am...lol.... but people need to understand we as pregnant ladies don't really have much control over how we carry the baby and how big we get (aside from how much we're eating). I seem to be a bit torpedo-ish... and I can't help it! And I still have a month to go till my due date, and she could put on 2 more lbs during that time. hhhollly crap!!!

aaaaah

Belly Shot for 34 Weeks

2010-01-29T13:32:00.000-08:00

Taken today so about 34.5 weeks. Brian makes me smile goofy when he takes my picture :) I can't believe how big little Chloe is getting in there. I feel like she's fighting me for space in my body most days!

34 Weeks

2010-01-26T19:55:00.000-08:00

How your baby's growing:

Your baby now weighs about 4 3/4 pounds (like your average cantaloupe) and is almost 18 inches long. Her fat layers — which will help regulate her body temperature once she's born — are filling her out, making her rounder. Her skin is also smoother than ever. Her central nervous system is maturing and her lungs are continuing to mature as well. If you've been nervous about preterm labor, you'll be happy to know that babies born between 34 and 37 weeks who have no other health problems generally do fine. They may need a short stay in the neonatal nursery and may have a few short-term health issues, but in the long run, they usually do as well as full-term babies.

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Update on me:

I've been feeling very energetic and "nesty" in the mornings, and by the evenings completely exhausted and in need of laying down.
I've been getting a lot of cleaning/organization type household stuff done, but am still having little to no motivation to finish up the few business tasks I have left to check off my list (taxes, burning photos to dvds, new terabyte storage drives to format, clearing memory cards, invoicing my last client, getting settled into gigbooks)
We have Chloe's playpen set up in the dining room, makes it all seem very real!
I am still having upper abdominal tension, stretching and rib pain, but I think I'm just learning to cope with it
I've been sitting on the exercise ball a lot. Good for the body, giving baby enough room to be in the head down position, and good for my core to prepare for birth. I roll off it sometimes though :-)
We are enjoying our childbirth class with Carol Peterson. I've learned SO much about childbirth that I never knew. I'm so excited that I have a midwife who will subscribe much more to the philosophies I'm learning at my delivery. Carol is also a doula, and it would be really nice to have her or another doula at my delivery, but unfortunately it is a bit costly for us and we are pinching every penny at this point so it's not in the cards.
I'm starting to wonder how the cats are going to do with the new addition to our family... all we can do is try to prepare them a little. I think in general they will be ok. They are very curious kitties and they think the whole house belongs to them so that will be a shift, but I'm going to trust it's going to be ok.
I noticed my first stretch mark on my tummy yesterday and it's getting bigger. eek.
I am getting so excited to hold my baby!!!
We had an awesome photo shoot with Danielle. I posted my favorite pictures on facebook, and I will post some here soon, too.

robe/nightie

2010-01-24T21:04:00.000-08:00

I really want this robe/nightgown ... and not sure whether I can get it though. Either way I can't get it until February. Every purchase we make these days has to be weighed carefully. its so weird. not bad, we are totally blessed. just weird.

And... we are going to need so many more diapers. It's insane!

Chloe Grace

2010-01-19T21:03:00.000-08:00

(pics by Mindy Jobczynski :))

Well, it's pretty much out everywhere now after my baby shower this week displayed it proudly on cupcakes, embroidered on a blanket, and written in a book! We decided to name our coming-very-soon daughter Chloe Grace for 4 reasons. 1) we loved the name Chloe and liked it's meaning "Blooming," and that a Chloe who housed some disciples was mentioned in the Bible (1 Cor. 1:11) 2) It was the only one we really liked that we could totally 100% agree on, 3) Grace is after my grandmother on my father's side who passed away this year, and it is also my sister's middle name - and let's face it - always beautiful and always a quality you hope for a young girl to have! 4) I felt Chloe Grace was a name that beautiful and young for a baby, cool for a teen, yet also traditional and can grow with her well and wasn't too little-girly forever! It's certainly a popular name in the US right now, but in my circle not used very often.

So.... Chloe Grace ... blooming grace.... really liked that idea.

Hopefully our sonographer was right, and we are truly having a girl - because we are drowning in pink from our amazing shower this weekend. I hope to post more pictures soon when amazing Danielle gets a chance to get them all downloaded (she generously snapped away for me so I could enjoy the memories!) My mother, sister, aunt, friends and mother-in-law went over and above in making this shower (and the Maryland one) unbelievable and beautiful. I'll talk more about it in detail when I have photographic support :)

We were so blessed by all of the generosity - were able to purchase all of the remaining large items (playpen, breastpump, highchair) with gift cards and cash gifts we were given as well as a few returns on duplicate items ... and we received our car seat, big stroller, bouncer entertainer/exerciser, baby sensor/monitor, diaper bag, and activity mat at the shower plus tons and tons and tons of blankets, towels, washcloths, toys, etc. I also got 2 beautiful handmade gifts, a blanket and a little pillow. At my Maryland shower I also was blessed with bottles, washcloths, the toddler car seat, some stuffed animals, and tons of other goodies. I don't know what we would have done without all the help, not to mention the awesome friend who's been giving me all her baby clothes and stuff (including a co-sleeper) since I was basically 10 weeks pregnant.

It feels so selfish and so frivolous to be showered with all this love and "stuff" with the tragedies going on in Haiti and so many other mothers who need so much. I certainly have a surplus so I hope I can give what I don't need to those who do in some capacity. I want to give to my friends too but most of them are having boys and all I have is extra pink :-)

Either way, Chloe, I am just getting so desperate to meet you - I can't wait.

33 Weeks

2010-01-19T09:01:00.000-08:00

This week your baby weighs a little over 4 pounds (heft a pineapple) and has passed the 17-inch mark. He's rapidly losing that wrinkled, alien look and his skeleton is hardening. The bones in his skull aren't fused together, which allows them to move and slightly overlap, thus making it easier for him to fit through the birth canal. (The pressure on the head during birth is so intense that many babies are born with a conehead-like appearance.) These bones don't entirely fuse until early adulthood, so they can grow as his brain and other tissue expands during infancy and childhood.

At this stage in fetal development, your baby could grow a full inch more this week alone — especially if he or she has been on the shorter side. Weight gain can range from a third more growth to a full doubling before the big debut.

The level of amniotic fluid in your uterus has reached its maximum at 33 weeks pregnant, making it likely that you have more baby than fluid now. That's one reason why you're probably feeling lots of nudges and pushes — there's less liquid to cushion the blows. (Of course that means you're even closer to your baby now!)

If your uterine walls had eyes, here's what you'd see: your fetus acting more and more like a baby, with his or her eyes closing during sleep and opening while awake. And because those uterine walls are becoming thinner, more light penetrates the womb, helping your baby differentiate between day and night (now if only baby can remember that difference on the outside!).

And good news! Your baby has reached an important milestone about now: The development of his or her own immune system that (along with antibodies from you) will be able to provide protection from mild infections.

--------------------

Quick me update: Still having upper nerve/abdomen pain, lots of groin pain, and I think I'm starting to waddle. I'm having at least one Braxton Hicks contraction a day, I believe! It's crazy. I'm tracking her kicks daily using this kick counter. Lot of interesting movements of limbs inside me. Still having trouble determining sometimes what body parts are what. Can't wait to see her face!

32 Weeks

2010-01-12T07:53:00.000-08:00

THIRTY TWO WEEKS FOR REAL.

By now, your baby weighs 3.75 pounds (pick up a large jicama) (a large j-WHATMA??) and is about 16.7-19 inches long total, taking up a lot of space in your uterus. You're gaining about a pound a week and roughly half of that goes right to your baby. In fact, she'll gain a third to half of her birth weight during the next 7 weeks as she fattens up for survival outside the womb. She now has toenails, fingernails, and real hair (or at least respectable peach fuzz). Her skin is becoming soft and smooth as she plumps up in preparation for birth.

You may be feeling strengthening Braxton Hicks contractions which are just your body's way of prepping for the real deal. I've definitely felt a few of these!

If only we were all as skinny as the babycenter illustration lady.

intercostal neuritis

2010-01-11T14:45:00.000-08:00

That is my diagnosis of all the upper abdominal/chest pain that I have been having for over 2 months. The burning, stretching, tingling, screaming pain that is now preventing me from doing things, sitting for long, standing for long, stretching to high, basically anything and everything. The midwife/chiropractor believes it is a compressed or pinched nerve in the area between the ribs, caused by out of place ribs and causing all the radiating pain. Truthfully, there's not that much information about it on the internet, so I'm not sure it's very common problem

I'm getting chiropractic care now - but I'm not convinced it's the whole problem because the pain seems more central and close to my skin. And after 3 treatments I'm seeing no improvement. In fact Sunday was the worst day I've ever had and I almost couldn't sing the second set of songs at 11:00. I don't know. It's too late for any sort of nerve block injections or anything like that because baby is too high up. Sometimes her little feet hit me in the area of the pain - which doesn't make it any better or worse. I try ice occasionally and it feels good while on it but doesn't last long. I can't take any anti-inflammatory meds like ibuprofen during pregnancy.

Anyway ... there's an update for anyone who might be interested. If you could lift up some prayer for me, I would really appreciate it. It's very frustrating and overwhelming to feel so helpless and in pain so often. I know my baby is worth it and I will of course persevere but I would love some relief from this! And at least knowing that it will go away once the baby is born, that would be some good knowledge too - but you never know... with these things there is no guarantee!

hiccups

2010-01-11T07:51:00.000-08:00

So frequent! I wanted to save this comment string from facebook.

The baby is having the hiccups so fast in me i feel like i'm going to be sick! LOL. She had them 4 times today!

Tracy Jenks

You can feel the baby having hiccups? A baby can have hiccups in utero? Wow...that's weird.

Yesterday at 3:26pm ·

Camille Jennings

Oh my goodness, Henry used to hiccup like crazy in my belly. Like, literally every day. So funny

Yesterday at 3:31pm ·

Kristin Untisz

haha I haven't experienced too many hiccups but I have had to deal with her spazing out on a daily basis. Seriously feels like she's convulsing, but I was told its her nervous system developing...ahh the joys of being pregnant :-)

Yesterday at 3:39pm ·

Alethea Heinrich Stickel

Colt had hiccups A LOT!

Yesterday at 3:43pm ·

Rachel Elisabeth Lusky

Tracy -- yes! It is crazy!

Camille -- did he have them a lot after he was born too?

Kristin -- I get the spasms too! Thought she was having seizures sometimes!! Mix that with a round of hiccups near your pelvis -- sooo crazy...See More

Yesterday at 4:00pm ·

Alethea Heinrich Stickel

Nope, well maybe here & there but NOTHING like he did in utero!

Yesterday at 4:01pm ·

Susan Vandervort

Ian used to have them like 20 times a day. He did hiccup a lot as a newborn, too. Aaron hardly ever hiccuped in-utero. I really think the feeling is very weird

Yesterday at 4:07pm ·

Emily Althof Robertson

maddy hiccuped a lot and now still does along with sneezing.

fun site

2010-01-08T17:30:00.000-08:00

I found this fun site on someone else's facebook page. I've been enjoying it. In other news, there is a 91% chance my cat is trying to kill me!

31 Weeks

2010-01-04T22:02:00.000-08:00

31 Weeks:

This week, your baby measures over 16 inches long. She weighs about 3.3 pounds (try carrying four navel oranges) and is heading into a growth spurt. She can turn her head from side to side, and her arms, legs, and body are beginning to plump out as needed fat accumulates underneath his skin. She's probably moving a lot, too, so you may have trouble sleeping because your baby's kicks and somersaults keep you up. She's making faces, hiccupping, swallowing, breathing, pedaling with little hands and feet along your uterine wall, and even sucking his or her thumb. Take comfort: All this moving is a sign that your baby is active and healthy.

Your baby's brain is working overtime these days, developing faster than ever. Connections between individual nerve cells are growing at a frenetic clip, and your baby can now perceive information from all five senses. Sure, your baby can't smell anything right now, but that's only because he or she is still submerged in amniotic fluid and needs to be breathing air to get a whiff of anything. Lucky for you — and your baby — yours will be one of the very first scents your baby breathes in, a scent that will quickly become his or her very favorite.

Making faces, hiccupping, swallowing, breathing, pedaling with little hands and feet along your uterine wall, and even sucking his or her thumb. In fact, some babies suck their thumbs so vigorously while in the womb that they're born with a callus on their thumb.

-------------------------------------------------

I can't believe I totally skipped taking a picture and writing a post at 30 weeks. With Christmas/New Years and traveling, I got totally thrown off. 30 weeks was definitely a milestone mentally and baby wise for me. Getting into the 30s makes me feel so far, and so close to meeting our child. I can't believe we are potentially less then 2 short months away from bringing a daughter into the world - not just a baby, but a new life.

The last few weeks have been full of new movements, sensations, and a feeling of being huge and carrying the baby much higher. She has the hiccups sometimes 4x a day... it's so cool now that I recognize it. I am having trouble sleeping now-a-days because the movements are sometimes so strong in the middle of the night that I can't ignore them the way I was a month or so ago. I am knocking my belly into things and having trouble getting up, bending over, and moving quickly or for long periods of time. The pain in my upper abdomen persists, going on over 2 months now. It is worse if anything, and is probably a near-constant part of my day. It happens if I sit too long, lay wrong, or walk around and am on my feet too long. Soooo basically all the time. I feel frustrated like I can't do much anymore. That, in combination with increased groin pain (ligaments loosening) and the baby's movements being much stronger and more forceful now - less bouncy and more like actual limbs, bones, and muscle hitting me in the organs and pushing on my ribs and lungs and side and bladder can be quite uncomfortable all at once. Sometimes I feel full body rolls. Sometimes I'm sure I can feel her little butt or back high up near my ribs, sometimes I'm not sure if it's her head or feet.

If it sounds painful, I will say that for me it is. I don't think all women experience everything the same way, but I can tell the next 8-10 weeks are going to be pretty rough on me. I am praying for God's strength to bear it patiently and with anticipation and not too much frustration or complaining. I do plan on talking to the midwife on Wednesday about all my symptoms. It is so weird to be in pain and totally uncomfortable, and yet amazed and in awe and enjoying it all at the same time.

I can't pretend I am without worry. I do very well sometimes, and put my faith in God, and other times fears take hold of me and I literally feel physically panicked about things going wrong, or my delivery being impossible and unbearably painful. We started our childbirth class and I think understanding and education is going to be really valuable for me. I need to remember my body was made to do this and that I can!

oh yeah... we did some holiday stuff at the end of November

2009-12-24T06:35:00.000-08:00

Brian and I had a fun day of putting up the initial Christmas decorations at the end of November before Thanksgiving! We took it very slow this year, doing a little at a time because things tend to overwhelm me in large amounts lately. It was fun... we got snacks, made cookies and just hung out together, and he even put up with watching the Holiday again for me! The cats enjoyed themselves too.

Ah, what is Christmas without an up close picture of lights?

This was so yummy, although I recall feeling not so good the next day. lol.

A little cookie for the baby (or an excuse for me to eat more)

Tycho & Zelda checking out.

Then we spent Thanksgiving in Maryland with Brian's family. I didn't take enough pics of us all, I hope to do some more over New Years. Here is my wonderful Thanksgiving plate. It was so good. Thanksgiving is truly the best meal of the year, in my opinion.

Brian's grandparents, John & Anne asked me to get a good picture of them that they could send to some people. It turned out so nice, we love it and got a print for ourselves. I think Beth (Brian's mom) might even paint it!

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year everyone! Pics from Christmas New Years and my first baby shower will be coming in a few weeks :)

29 Weeks

2009-12-22T07:29:00.000-08:00

Almost hitting 30 weeks - I seriously don't believe it. I know I say that so much but it's true! I'm feeling tons of movement these days - a few times a day at certain times she seems to be much crazier, sometimes I think she must be pedaling or kicking right against me, other times I watch my belly bounce up and down. It seems like whenever that happens no one else sees it though, I try to pull someone over to watch or feel and she stops. Argh! lol. Sometimes the movements seem like she's having little spasms. lol... I assume it's normal.

Symptom wise, still having upper abdomen and rib cage pain on the left side. I think this will be with me till the end of my pregnancy. It is very sucky and sometimes stops me from doing some things. I'm trying to start exercising a little bit too because I'm feeling sluggish and I feel like my body isn't prepared to support the rest of this baby's weight sometimes. I can't believe how much bigger I'm going to get... sometimes I think about it and I have heart palpitations. lol. I've also started having some pain in my hips and joints - I've heard this is pretty normal. Sometimes I have trouble walking. So, I'm probably going to be waddling soon. I've also started to get my RLS symptoms back (restless legs) which had sort of disappeared for a while. FUN!!!

29 Weeks

Your baby now weighs about 2 1/2 - 3 pounds (like a butternut squash) and could be 15-17 inches long from head to heel. Though she's getting pretty close to her birth length, she still has to chub out a bit. In fact, over the next 11 weeks, she'll more than double — or even come close to tripling — her weight. And as she grows and room in your womb gets tighter, you'll be less likely to feel those big kicks and more likely to get poked by an elbow or jabbed by a knee. Her muscles and lungs are continuing to mature, and her head is growing bigger to make room for his developing brain. To meet her increasing nutritional demands, you'll need plenty of protein, vitamins C, folic acid, and iron. And because her bones are soaking up lots of calcium, be sure to drink your milk (or find another good source of calcium, such as cheese, yogurt, or enriched orange juice). This trimester, about 250 milligrams of calcium are deposited in your baby's hardening skeleton each day. She is able to use all five of her senses, hearing sounds and seeing bright lights in her mother's environment, and tasting, touching, and even smelling the amniotic fluid surrounding her.

28 Weeks & a passing test result

2009-12-16T09:56:00.000-08:00

28 Weeks:

By this week, your baby weighs two and a quarter pounds (like a Chinese cabbage) (what the heck is a chinese cabbage) and measures 14.8 inches from the top of her head to her heels. She can blink her eyes, which now sport lashes. With her eyesight developing, she may be able to see the light that filters in through your womb. She's also developing billions of neurons in her brain and adding more body fat in preparation for life in the outside world.

See what your baby looks like this week.

I also need to start counting kicks this week.... crazyness.

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It's hard to believe how big I am already. I gained a lot of weight in the 6th month, which was a little hard to accept. I had a doctors appointment today and everything was good - the baby actually had hiccups when she was listening for the heart rate! So cute, and the first time I've heard that. And ... I PASSED MY GLUCOSE TEST - I DO NOT have gestational diabetes. That was great news! I still am going to try to watch my sweet stuff, it is certainly my weakness!! :-) I had her examine the area where I'm having the pain and burning below my bra and over my ribs on the left side. Really still no explanation for that. Bah. I really really hope that it starts to let up soon, if anything it's been getting worse. I was wrapping presents last night in some serious pain.

Here's the belly at 28 weeks. so big already... of course sometimes I look way huger depending on how I stand too. I'm so excited!! Been rocking her in the rocker at night. It's very surreal.

A glider!!

2009-12-14T21:11:00.001-08:00

Brian is so flippin sweet, and always manages to surprise me with SOMETHING at Christmas time. We agreed we weren't getting each other any presents for Christmas - money is tight, and any money we have, we want to put towards baby stuff we needed. We wanted to get the a nice glider/ottoman combo for the nursery, but had put it aside because we didn't think we could afford it. Well, we put some Christmas money we were given back into our budget and walah - a beautiful brand new glider, that matches the nursery furniture so perfectly I want to scream. And he even got it on sale which makes it so much better. He got it home in his car and put it together in an hour so that I could see it. He led me up and played Christmas music in the room and put bows on it. So so adorable.

I also got myself this ring for $13 to replace my wedding rings which have a lot of welding and extra fitting on them that are getting too tight for me. It's fakey but I love it.

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The 3-4 hour glucose test went "eh" this morning. It definitely wasn't fun, but I just hope my results are normal. I got a bit weak about halfway through but it's over now. I just have very bruised up arms from the 4 blood draws. Thank the Lord for my cell phone, twitter and 3G networks. I don't know what I would have done without it! haha.

1 hour glucose screening

2009-12-11T08:02:00.000-08:00

Looks like I just barely failed my 1 hour glucose test for gestational diabetes. They said the cut off is 130 and I came in right at 130. :( So I have to go back for the 3 hour test mon morning next week.

i'm sad and i feel like its my fault somehow. :(

27 weeks - third trimester!

2009-12-08T14:02:00.000-08:00

27 Weeks:

This week, your baby weighs almost 2 pounds (like a head of cauliflower) and is about 14 1/2 inches long with her legs extended. She's sleeping and waking at regular intervals, opening and closing her eyes, and perhaps even sucking her fingers. With more brain tissue developing, your baby's brain is very active now. While her lungs are still immature, they would be capable of functioning — with a lot of medical help — if she were to be born now. Chalk up any tiny rhythmic movements you may be feeling to a case of baby hiccups, which may be common from now on. Each episode usually lasts only a few moments, and they don't bother her, so just relax and enjoy the tickle.

See what your baby looks like this week.

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It's a shock to be entering my third trimester. I'm starting to deal with a new set of fears - what if the baby is born too early, what if something happens to her in the womb, what if I mess something up, how the heck will i get through delivery, the pain, etc. Is my grandpa going to make it to see her born? Just praying for fear control at this point and God's comfort. I have a lot of questions for next weeks appt... Brian and I are also going to start a childbirth class in January and my mom is planning my baby shower. It felt like this point was so far away, and now it's rushing on me. I'm 27 weeks - in a week or two I am going to start doing kick counts --- It is freaking me outttttt.

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Brian and I got our crib in! We were so excited we set it up at 11:00 at night... it was actually super easy to set up. We still need a mattress though. haha. Anyway, here are some pictures of the baby's room so far. I originally didn't want to show until it was done, but it's probably cool to remember the process. Plus we might move the furniture around... not sure.

I plan on putting up pink curtans and removing those blinds with long cords (of course) and putting her name and some art up above the crib. The white wall will have some sort of mural which my dad and I will hopefully paint. I tried to keep the paint colors something that could switch if our sonogram tech was wrong and it happens to be a boy. haha!

So here is the nursery so far!

26 weeks, belly shot, crib

2009-11-30T17:46:00.000-08:00

26 weeks

Your baby is inhaling and exhaling small amounts of amniotic fluid, which is essential for the development of her lungs. These so-called breathing movements are also good practice for when she's born and takes that first gulp of air. And she's continuing to put on baby fat. He now weighs about a pound and two-thirds and measures 14-15 inches (an English hothouse cucumber) from head to heel. Most babies this age, yours included, still like to snuggle in a slightly curled position inside the uterus (thus the term "fetal position"). And at just over two pounds, she has doubled in weight from four weeks ago.

The network of nerves in your baby's ears is better developed and more sensitive than before. She may now be able to hear both your voice and your partner's as you chat with each other. And even though the sounds your baby hears are muffled (thanks to the creamy coating of vernix covering those ears), she may recognize both yours and your partner's voices. So this might be a good time to read and even sing to your baby (or rather, your belly). Also, your baby's taste buds are very developed now too (with more taste buds than he or she will ever have outside the womb, actually).

I also read somewhere that this week and last week the baby's limbs were growing to almost their birth length. This makes sense becuase I have been truly feeling more movement that is stretching out, and reaching higher then ever before. I was in shock today on the drive home feeling sensations almost 3-4 inches above my belly button, you can tell she is stretching out and pushing in new ways! It's crazyyyyyyyy (and a little uncomfortable). I'm still having the under-the-bra, across the muscle of my rib cage pain. Not sure what to do about it.

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I have been slacking on the belly pictures because the last 3 weeks (excluding Thanksgiving) have been some of the craziest of my life, trying to get caught up from all the fall weddings. I couldn't get it all quite done, I'm only one person, but I hope to get a lot more finished this week! November was super productive and for that I am happy. ANYWAY... that being said.

This picture was taken on Thanksgiving at 25+ weeks. Brian took it :)

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We also picked out and ordered our crib/changing table, our Christmas gift from Beth & Paul (brian's parents). We are so so so thankful for everyone helping us out with all these expenses and things we need. We are so blessed! We decided to go sans dropside, and I'm glad because I'm hearing about all kinds of recalls and proposed bans on drop-side cribs lately. I think they are pulling millions of them from the market, so we decided on the sturdy non-drop side instead. Our crib is not a luxury crib by any means, it was one of the most affordable ones we could find. But I liked the style, simple, slightly traditional, and white.

Graco Lauren, in White. It is convertible but it's so affordable that if we don't get to it, I'm not worried about it! I wanted the changing table to match too because we already have a few different wood colors going on in that bedroom, and all the molding in the room is white.

emotional breaks & maybe a name?

2009-11-28T19:01:00.001-08:00

I had an emotional/hormonal breakdown of some sort today for no reason at all except the stress of playing a board game. I have no idea what came over me, I could feel it building and I just LOST it. Anyway once I got away from everyone and cried for a bit I felt better but I still feel like I'm teetering on the edge of something. Maybe stressful board games with too much competition aren't in my near future for a little while. lol.

Course that wasn't the first one... on our drive to Maryland, I was checking in on people's facebooks, as I do, and I saw that I had been "un-friended" by someone. I was so upset and confused I cried. OVER FACEBOOK. It turns out it was a total fluke and the person did not un-friend me on purpose, but you can see where I am at emotionally/relationally. Oh Lord, dear Lord... please give Brian strength to deal with me. He has 14.5 more weeks of me like this. Ok, you know I'm going to be a mess after the baby is born too (hopefully a joyful mess)...so maybe longer ;)

For the last 5 days I've been dealing with some very very weird, slightly burning, slightly feeling like muscle strain and odd pains near my rib cage, under my bra line and stretching down an inch or two. They are mainly concentrated on the left hand side. I can't figure them out and they are irritated when 1) i sit too long in certain positions, or 2) I walk around too much, holding any weight at all (like my purse, etc). I'm not sure what is going on. I thought it could be related to dehydration, so I'm trying to drink fluids as much as I can, but I'm sure I could up that a bit. It sounds silly, but pray for me because it is really painful and getting in the way of a lot... I feel very weak and ridiculous cuz I can't do as much and have to stop doing things due to the exhaustion and discomfort of the pain.

We have been going back and forth on some names for a while. I am someone who has no problem getting these things picked out ahead of time, and I always envisioned we would know the babys name the second I found out the sex, but it has been so much harder then I imagined. Yesterday I ran across one I've seen a hundred times, but it hit me anew, and it is one I think Brian and I both like equally. The meaning is beautiful too. We'll see. It's simple and sweet. But, maybe I'll just keep them all bouncing in my head until I see that little face... it could go either way at this point!

Have a few pics from Thanksgiving to post - hopefully I can in a few days when I get home. I thought December was going to slow down big time with work, but the first week is still looking INTENSE. I'm dreading/grateful for the work.

sharing pregnancy

2009-11-22T04:23:00.000-08:00

It is so cool to have friends around you who are also pregnant. I have my dear Kristin who I used to work with, my photog buddy Penny, blogging friend & once-modeled-for-me Brooke, and also some amazing girls in my small group. We are all between 5-6 weeks away from each other, it's so cute! I pray for all our babies to be healthy!! If Kristin was in this picture she'd be in between me and Megan, and Penny in between them. Brooke would be between me and Christie :)

Megan is almost 30 weeks, I'm almost 25, and Christie is almost 19! So far I'm the only one that knows the sex of my baby (girl), Megan is keeping it a surprise and Christie finds out in 2 weeks! Woo! Oh and of those not pictured, Brooke is having a boy, Penny is having a boy, and Kristin is having a girl!

24 weeks (6 months!)

2009-11-17T06:16:00.000-08:00

I am in awe. We prayed for our baby girl last night for protection, for her health, and for me to continue to carry the baby to term. We prayed we would be good examples of Christ's love, and that she would grow to know and love the Lord early in life. It is so weird thinking about that, but a lot of that is up to us. We want to do it right. Sometimes, I can't wait to meet her, and other times, I feel like I already know her from her kicks and punches and bounces in my stomach. She's starting to respond to sounds, our voices sometimes - if we are quietly talking at night and that's all the noise there is, she often kicks a lot! It's so cute.

24 weeks:

Your baby's growing steadily, having gained about 4 ounces since last week. That puts him at just over a pound. (Some books are telling me 1.5 lbs) Since he's almost a foot long (picture an ear of corn), he cuts a pretty lean figure at this point, but his body is filling out proportionally and he'll soon start to plump up. His brain is also growing quickly now, and his taste buds are continuing to develop. His lungs are developing "branches" of the respiratory "tree" as well as cells that produce surfactant, a substance that will help his air sacs inflate once he hits the outside world. His skin is still thin and translucent, but that will start to change soon. In the past few weeks, the top of your uterus has risen above your belly button and is now about the size of a soccer ball.

Wondering what (and who) your baby will look like? If you had a baby cam at 24 weeks pregnant, you'd almost be able to tell by now. That beautiful face (though still tiny) is almost fully formed. What's still missing from the picture is the fat that will be piled on under baby's skin. Until those fat deposits are made, that very tender skin is still very transparent, which means a close look would let you see clear through to all the organs, bones, and blood vessels. Fortunately, that see-through look won't last much longer. Babies at this stage of fetal development are gaining about six ounces each week — with much of that gain coming from fat, in addition to growing organs, bones, and muscle.

What's been playing on your little rocker's stereo system these days? All kinds of sounds can be heard by your baby in your womb: from air exhaling from your lungs (deep breath now), those gastric gurgles produced by your stomach and intestines, your voice and your partner's (which your baby will be able to recognize at birth), and even very loud sounds such as honking horns, barking dogs, or a wailing fire truck.

definitely bronchitis

2009-11-11T05:36:00.001-08:00

On a 5 day steriod and a 5 day antibiotic treatment. not fun. coughing so hard i cry.

and...worst timing ever, brian has to go away for 2.5 days and leave me alone when i really need him. arghghghg;lkajsdf;lk.

ok i'm done complaining now. as long as the baby is ok though and not affected by this, i will go through whatever i have to.

23 weeks

2009-11-10T06:50:00.000-08:00

How your baby's growing at 23 weeks:

Turn on the radio and sway to the music. With her sense of movement well developed by now, your baby can feel you dance. And now that she's more than 11 inches long and weighs just over a pound (about as much as a large mango), you may be able to see her squirm underneath your clothes. Blood vessels in her lungs are developing to prepare for breathing, and the sounds that your baby's increasingly keen ears pick up are preparing her for entry into the outside world. Loud noises that become familiar now — such as your dog barking or the roar of the vacuum cleaner — probably won't faze her when she hears them outside the womb.

See what your baby looks like this week.

The baby's movements are just part of my daily life now. I love it. She often kicks or pushes on my bladder and makes me have to go the bathroom... and I'm daily seeing my stomach actually move when she kicks... usually at night. I'm shocked it's happened so soon.

I've also put on a lot of weight over the last 3 weeks. It's a bit scary. I knew I was going to gain a lot, but seeing the numbers certainly freaks me out!

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Also, I'm self-diagnoising that I have bronchitis as a result of my asthma attack Sunday. The coughing is insane and I'm choking on it. Sorry, TMI. But it hurts and I'm miserable. I also have a bit of a fever today, 100.1 degrees. I am going to the doc at 1:15 so we'll see if I'm right or not. I don't know if there is any treatment for this or if I just have to wait for my body to fight it off.

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In other news, we are working on our worship CD... and it is out at production, which means hopefully it will be out in a few weeks! This project is about 2 years in coming so it's exciting its finally happening!

a rough night

2009-11-08T14:49:00.000-08:00

Last night while friends while friends were over, starting around 9:00pm ish, I started having some trouble breathing. This happens to me sometimes and usually is relieved by my Albuterol inhaler. I tried using it and felt a bit of relief but not a lot. Before bed I could tell it was going to be a rough night. All I can describe it is as -- feels like a weigh on my lungs -- slight wheeze at times -- feels like I can't get a complete breath. If you've never had trouble breathing, its hard to describe how scary it can be and how we take it for granted, but all of a sudden you are thinking of every breath you're taking and it is so exhausting.

Anyway the night progressed like this and I kept puffing my inhaler (3x?) but felt like it wasn't giving me the medicine I needed because my symptoms were not decreasing. After a restless night I woke up around 6:30 and thought maybe a hot shower could help clear things up. They didn't and the morning was so bad, I was wheezing, hacking and my chest was under so much pressure - it hurt to take every breath. My mom brought over her inhaler and that helped me a bit more then mine was - confirming mine is out of medicine. I got a refill on mine though so hopefully I'm ok. Once the inhaler started to work I felt better when I wasn't active, but as soon as I got up and moved around, even to climb the stairs I am SO out of breath - I feel like I'm 80 years old and 700 lbs.

I called the doctor on call and she said to keep using the inhaler as I needed to to feel better, and that if the symptoms continued to call my doctor and they would probably prescribe some steroid inhalers to get things under control. I will try tomorrow but I refuse to see their nurse practitioner, because they do NOTHING for me. It is frustrating to say the least, I've already been in one time about my asthma and she just said "suck it, deal with it" basically. (the NP, not my PCP)

In other awesome news though, the baby has been ridiculously active the last few days. I have been enjoying stronger sensations and new feelings - and the baby has moved my hand on my stomach at least 3x with kicks, and Brian, my mom, my sister and my friend Christie were all able to feel her kicking yesterday. She was kicking so hard. (or punching, or flipping, not sure exactly what the movements are). It was awesome. Brian and I also bought a pre-natal listening device around 16-17 weeks and for the first time were able to pick up the baby's heartbeat last night. It was so awesome. We could hear some movement too, I think - well I was feeling at least! Then the baby must have shifted positions becuase we lost hte heartbeat but picked it up again. It was so cool! We just laid in bed listening to it (it comes with 2 headphones) haha.

I'd definitely recommend that thing for a $20 price tag. It's a bit of work to find the heartbeat and hear stuff, but it is totally worth it when you do. I'm surprised we could hear it so early.

Anyway if you wouldn't mind, say a prayer that this asthma gets under control. I'm afraid its only going to get worse as I get bigger!

things

2009-11-06T21:32:00.000-08:00

Things are bad with Papa. You can check our facebook statuses for updates, but we are all rocked by the news. Basically they couldn't do the surgery, because the cancer has grown rapidly and spread outside the bladder. I will update when I know more. I really am so shocked by this - I just really believed the bladder was going to come out and he would get some more time out of this. Cancer is so scary, so ugly.

But you know what? Papa's spirit is something that is an example I can learn from. He only wants the Lord's will and he will remain strong through this. We just have to stay strong for him.

papa's surgery

2009-11-04T21:21:00.000-08:00

Papa has had a rough 2 days preparing for his surgery tomorrow (basically clear liquid diet and similar-to-colonoscopy-meds). For those of you that don't know the story, right after my grandma died in mid-June, doctors determined that he had large tumors in his bladder, and later confirmed they were cancerous. He had surgery to remove the very large invasive and cancerous tumors that were taking up about 80% of his bladder space 2-3 months ago. He did really well with the surgeries.

About 6 weeks ago or so, he went back in for exploratory look to see if the tumors had regrown. The doctors found that they had, completely come back, taking up that 80% of his bladder again. Obviously, this is such insane and fast growth. This whole thing has been a blur! He has been getting direct chemotherapy into the bladder to control their growth, but his absolute best chance is this surgery tomorrow morning, very early (7:00 am?). The surgery will consist of completely removing the bladder and a conduit urinary diversion. Obviously, this is quite a procedure. The doctors, however, warned us that there might be too much scar tissue to complete the surgery. This is not the option we want, because it means a lot of harsh chemo and radiation treatment.

Please keep him in your prayers - he needs it! We love you Papa - we'll kick this cancer!

22 weeks

2009-11-03T14:17:00.000-08:00

Wow... this is really happening. It seems more real then ever now. Growing belly, little kicks and flips keeping me up in the middle of the night... baby clothes strewn all over the newly painted room, baby registries almost completed, bassinet in the room, people generously giving us so much. Aside from being so excited, I'm starting to feel my first like.... trepidations/fear about actually getting this little one out of me. I still have 4 months to think about that, but it's happening - especially when I realized my THIRD TRIMESTER will start on Dec. 8th. I almost fell over. That's only 5ish weeks away!

I have been selfish and emotional lately and for that I am sorry to anyone who has experienced any brunt of it. I'm trying to overcome it!

22 weeks development- the baby is finally almost a pound! And with that, I am gaining a lot too...

At 11 inches (the length of a spaghetti squash) and almost 1 pound, your baby is starting to look like a miniature newborn. His lips, eyelids, and eyebrows are becoming more distinct, and he's even developing tiny tooth buds beneath his gums. His eyes have formed, but his irises (the colored part of the eye) still lack pigment. If you could see inside your womb, you'd be able to spot the fine hair (lanugo) that covers his body and the deep wrinkles on his skin, which he'll sport until he adds a padding of fat to fill them in. Inside his belly, his pancreas — essential for the production of some important hormones — is developing steadily. The baby's hearing is becoming more acute and its almost constant movements may be quieted by your talking, singing, or reading to it. (no way!!??)

3 Polls

2009-11-02T12:41:00.000-08:00

I need to know mother's opinions on 2 things. Please leave your comments for me!!! I really really appreciate it!

1) favorite brand of disposable diapers (I WILL be using disposable, so this is not a platform to tell me why it's bad for the environment or why I should use re-useable. I just want to know your favorite brand and why.

2) To get a crib with dropside or without. The one we are looking at has 2 versions and whenever I see dropside, try them, they seem way more unsturdy. I'm not sure they are necessary if the mattress is set in the highest position.

3) Favorite brand/style of bottle for baby. I hope/plan to nurse, but I'll still need bottles!

Thanks everyone!!!

so much

2009-10-27T20:13:00.000-07:00

If any of you follow me on facebook, you'll know I (along with many other pregnant girls) are struggling with the decisions to get flu shots or not. It is not the fact of getting vaccinated with the strains that scares me, its the preservatives in the vaccine. All over the internet people are saying "get the preservative free (thimerosal free) version" - but I'll tell you right now - we don't have it here in Erie, at least not for H1N1 which is the most important one for pregnant women to get.

Because I'm pregnant, I'm 6x more likely to catch the flues or develop complications from them. Because I am asthmatic/allergy suffering, I am catapulted into a new risk category for suffering from complications of the viruses.

But if I want H1N1 before it runs out, I have to get the version with thimerisol now. My midwife is recommending that I get it, as well as many other reputable websites and sources. So I will be totally set on it, then people start telling me about the links between mercury and autism, other problems in infants, children - and I back off, flip out, and cry and cry and change my mind again.

I have done so much research on this, along with Brian, I have never felt so torn about a decision in my life. I have never had to weigh someone else's safety and life in this way. It's bizarre because it is a big decision, but it's also...just a shot. That is a tough line to walk. I am so terrified of hurting this little girl inside of me, it makes me absolutely crazy. I have cried so much today, its nuts. Brian is trying to counsel me and help me make this decision with him together. My baby is developing so perfectly, the thought of messing that up agonizes me. But the thought of getting H1N1 and getting very sick from it and dying or losing the baby scares me just as much.

As of now I am scheduled to get H1N1 tomorrow at 1:00pm. I'm not positive I'll go yet. I am going to sleep on it and pray very hard for clarity. What I don't need is more opinions, even though my nature is to ask for them. I know both sides of the coin and I am in a place where we have to pick what is best for my current situation and weigh the risks and benefits.

In the end though - if I trust my decision and that it is right for me and blessed by God, then I should not worry about it either way - because He will protect and honor that choice that we have made. Trust is my biggest issue right now.

Any prayers for me and other pregnant women making this decision would be super appreciated.

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In other news, I'm 21 weeks today, and this pregnancy is so exciting. I've had a couple rough days with IBS, but everything else is going perfectly and I am loving my baby more and more every day. I am feeling her moving every day at some point - sometimes the activity is so crazy! Brian still hasn't felt it completely yet - I think he might have felt a nudge tonight. We'll get there. We are still struggling with names and haven't found a crib yet, but neither of these is really worrying me :) I'm just enjoying it all.

We bought our crib bedding and picked out paint colors. It is so cute, fresh and funky and totally me! We'll use the khaki/beige color as the main wall color then do an accent wall in the fresh orange color. I am so excited! I might have my dad help me paint an abstract mural on the other wall too using the flowers as inspiration!

21 weeks development:

Your baby now weighs about three-quarters of a pound and is approximately 10 1/2 inches long — the length of a carrot. You may soon feel like she's practicing martial arts as her initial fluttering movements turn into full-fledged kicks and nudges. You may also discover a pattern to her activity as you get to know her better. In other developments, your baby's eyebrows and lids are present now, and if you're having a girl, her vagina has begun to form as well.

weird weird weird dream

2009-10-22T05:58:00.000-07:00

I had a dream. I can't remember the progression, but there were parts that involved everyone in Erie who's name was Rachel getting a zombie-type-virus. There was a part that involved some other girl with the screename "secret rach" who was IMing/SPAMMING me on AIM and twitter telling me about the dangers about to befall me. At one point she IM'd me over 628 times in 1 minutes. Another section of the dream involved me getting stuck up by the "peninsula" at someone's house with no cell phone service and being late for my engagement shoot today. Then suddenly I was in the same room as the girl.

geez. weirdness.....

I had a really really hormonal, tearful night last night. I wonder if hormone surges can also cause really bizarre dreams...

20 week sonogram!

2009-10-20T21:55:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe that I am halfway through this pregnancy already. It is all just around the corner... I am truly in awe. Today was an emotional and joyous and insane day. I had a few ups and downs, hardly slept and then was in astonishment at our sonogram. We are 20 weeks along so it's pretty sure and ok to say at this point that we are having a girl! I am so surprised. I was totally convinced it was a boy. Brian is beside himself - he is so excited!

The baby didn't move around too much while we were getting the actual sonogram, but proceeded to nudge and push me for the rest of the day very actively. Aargh! Anyway the sonogram tech was having a bit of trouble getting the images she needed at first because of the position the baby was in - head down, turned towards my back (showing us its butt). haha. Finally she got it to move so she could get some profile shots. This is the first time seeing the baby's profile and it was surreal and beautiful!

Baby Gender: 90% sure girl
Baby heartrate: 155bpm
Baby Weight: 11 oz
Baby Length: Somewhere around 10 inches from toe to head, about the length of a banana (from babycenter.com)

Baby snuggled against placenta. This was actually bad for the the technician. lol

Baby snuggled against placenta. This was actually bad for the the technician. lol

Baby's foot! Sticking straight at you.

Baby snuggled against placenta. This was actually bad for the the technician. lol

Baby's profile. She is so darn cute already.

Baby's profile. She is so darn cute already.

We also took a little video footage which was soooo not allowed but so worth it to me. This is a precious memory and I wanted to have what I could of it. It is about 4ish minutes long. I tried to label it so you can see what is going on - there is a section where they are checking for the gender, and a section measuring the face and profile. There are parts where you get to see the whole baby's body, spine and feet and legs too. Cool stuff!!!

We love you baby girl Lusky!!! It's amazing how precious you are to me in such a short time.

baby moves

2009-10-17T06:24:00.000-07:00

Well I think I can finally say that for the last week, I've been feeling this baby move consistently everyday. It seems the little nudges come in the mid-morning especially while I'm sitting at my computer, a little in the afternoon, and later in the evening when Brian and I are relaxing by the tv. He hasn't been able to feel anything from the outside yet. I'm hoping very soon!

Yay baby!!!!!!!!

19 Weeks

2009-10-13T05:22:00.000-07:00

Wow, is this happening? It seems like things are speeding up all of a sudden. And at the same time, I feel more patient then I did... I don't know what it is! I am suddenly aware of how blessed we are that God has protected the baby thus far. I don't take it for granted, and still pray for constant protection. I know anything can happen. I thank God for every week He gives me in this pregnancy. We had a penta-screen blood test 2 weeks ago and I haven't heard any news, which in this case, I believe is good. No news = no major problems with the bloodwork that need to be discussed immediately.

It's like my mind and my body are finally starting to connect. It's taken a while for that to happen. I'm starting to be able to feel my uterus JUST below my belly button which is crazy to know that the baby is finally not hiding quite so much in my fat/insides and coming forward! I'm still continuing to feel nudges, I think, it's still a little hard to tell, but if they aren't nudges, then I have some sort of weird muscle twitch that needs to be dealt with ;-)

19 Weeks Development
Your baby's sensory development is exploding! Her brain is designating specialized areas for smell, taste, hearing, vision, and touch. Some research suggests that she may be able to hear your voice now, so don't be shy about reading aloud, talking to her, or singing a happy tune if the mood strikes you. Your baby weighs about 8 1/2 ounces and measures 6 inches, head to bottom — about the size of a large heirloom tomato or a large mango. Ha. Measured from head to feet, about 9-10 inches! (That flips me out a bit) Her arms and legs are in the right proportions to each other and the rest of her body now. Her kidneys continue to make urine and the hair on her scalp is sprouting. A waxy protective coating called the vernix caseosa is forming on her skin to prevent it from pickling in the amniotic fluid.

Your little action figure is able to choreograph Matrix-like moves. Arms and legs are finally in proportion, neurons are now connected between the brain and muscles, and cartilage throughout the body is turning to bone. All these upgrades combine to give your baby more control over limb movements. Which explains all that kicking, stretching, and bodysurfing (or rather bellysurfing) you've possibly started feeling by now.

18 weeks belly shot

2009-10-08T06:29:00.000-07:00

I forgot to post this here. You can really tell that baby is popping through now! haha!

18 weeks, movement??

2009-10-07T12:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we were 18 weeks pregnant! It's hard to believe. It's going slow and fast, all at the same time, if that is possible. Sometimes I just feel like... come ONNNN lets go, and other times I'm like, lets take this NICE AND SLOW! Anyway...

Right now, as many mothers-to-be are at this stage, I'm sort of obsessed with feeling the baby move. I am starting to get more sure I'm feeling it. Last night was one of the most definitive times... it was almost like 3 nudges within the span of about a minute. It actually flipped me out because it was so defined. And the day before while I was working and playing Bethany Dillon and singing really loud, I had a few nudgy feelings and a flutter or two. It is so exciting and is making it really feel way more real than it has up to this point. I pray it continues and things keep going smoothly. Baby keep moving! :)

18 Weeks Baby!

Head to rump, your baby is about 5 1/2 inches long (about the length of a bell pepper) and he weighs almost 7 ounces. He's busy flexing his arms and legs — movements that you'll start noticing more and more in the weeks ahead. His blood vessels are visible through his thin skin, and his ears are now in their final position, although they're still standing out from his head a bit. A protective covering of myelin is beginning to form around his nerves, a process that will continue for a year after he's born. If you're having a girl, her uterus and fallopian tubes are formed and in place. If you're having a boy, his genitals are noticeable now, but he may hide them from you during an ultrasound. (Hopefully not, ultrasound Oct 20! :)

What about the mom-to-be? Your cardiovascular system is undergoing dramatic changes, and during this trimester your blood pressure will probably be lower than usual. Don't spring up too fast from a lying or sitting position or you might feel a little dizzy. From now on, when you do lie down, it's best to lie on your side — or at least partly tilted to one side. (When you lie flat on your back, your uterus can compress a major vein, leading to decreased blood return to your heart.) Try placing a pillow behind you or under your hip or upper leg for comfort.

zelda & tychs

2009-10-02T10:14:00.000-07:00

The kitties are enjoying the cooler temperatures by cozying up in the house :)

Zelda has been enjoying sitting in the box where I store my business receipts while I work. Ok so these were actually taken a month ago, but she's actually doing it right now while I'm posting!

Tycho just likes to be in the way everywhere and everything :) Including getting up on my beautiful fall decorated mantel and shattering the glass vases. Sigh. I say... see Tycho, this is why we can't have nice things! ;-)

I can't believe how fast fall is passing and winter is approaching. Dave says snow next week possibly. INSANE. These are the days though that I love working from home. Cozy cozy office with cozy kitties!

family updates

2009-10-02T06:48:00.000-07:00

Brian's mom Beth, came in for the weekend to spend time with us (well mainly Brian and I was out of town for a wedding) for her late birthday present. It was so good to see her and spend time with her. It was weird that this is the first time we've all seen her since we found out we were pregnant, since my grandma died. Everything sort of seems different now... everything IS different now.

Amy - my amazing sister - is now engaged!! I am so thrilled for her, and I know that her wedding and marriage is going to be beautiful and unique. You can read the story here :) Josh is such a fantastic guy who has a huge heart, and treats my sister amazingly (which is what every big sister wants to see!)

Papa had a third surgery yesterday - this one was to explore the bladder and potentially scrape out any regrowth of cancer. Unfortunately, his bladder cancer is so aggressive, that 80% of the tumors that were removed less than two months ago, have returned. This FREAKS ME OUT and is so insane. They injected some chemotherapy medicine directly into the bladder, and will continue to try this for 6 weeks to see if it can make a dent in the tumors this way. If not, then the next stage will potentially be a surgery to completely remove the bladder, which can be totally brutal and for an 80-something year old man, sigh. I just don't want him to have to go through that. But at the same time, I know Papa wants to do whatever is best to keep his life going, and he seems to have a good outlook and said, let's just trust in God, and put it all in His hands.

The sort of contrast of having one grandmother die in the spring who I wasn't really very close to, then having a grandmother die in June from cancer, just a few weeks before we found out we were pregnant, who I WAS very close to.... and THEN watching my grandpa go through another battle with a different kind of cancer. Then Amy is getting married... and neither grandma will be there. All so fast. I miss my grandma Koos so much sometimes... I just can't believe she is not here. I just think of her and... I wish I could dream more about her to hear her talk to me again. I think we all are still reeling that it happened as fast as it did. I miss her laugh most of all, and how much she loved her family and her kitties. Cancer.. Cancer... Cancer. Death. Life. Cancer. Marriage. Life. Baby. Fear. Family. Cancer. Sickness. Change. Joy. Sorrow. Life. Love. Support. Life. Love.

God's control... God's plan... God's protection... God's arms... God's promise.

In His shadow there is peace
In His arms there is rest
In His word there is hope
In His hands there is grace

In the end... no hurting
In the end... no yearning
In the end... no suffering, no sadness or pain
In the end...

-David Crowder, In the End [O Resplendant Light!]

17 week appointment

2009-09-29T18:19:00.000-07:00

Had an appointment today at 17 weeks. All seems well. Heart rate measured in in the 140s! At 8 weeks we were in the 160s so this is a bit interesting! Now everyone is saying "ah, definitely a boy" because of the old wives tales about slow heart rate = boy.

Well we'll know in THREE weeks! October 20th is the big ultrasound. We're trying to figure out if we want to do something special to make finding out the gender more of a surprise, like have the ultrasound tech write it in an envelope and enclose a picture of "the goods" for us, and then we can take it to my parents house later that night, and get brian's parents on Skype to open it all together! Or, we can open it later, just the two of us, so we can react whatever way we want alone together. lol. Who knows, just fun thoughts.

maternity style

2009-09-27T14:06:00.000-07:00

My mother-in-law was in this weekend and spoiled me quite a bit with some new maternity items from Motherhood Maternity! I feel like I have a lot of clothes now, so blessed. Maybe just might need another sweater and possibly a winter coat.

She also purchased me an "Snoogle" body pillow - they look goofy, but they are pretty amazing and I'm excited for how it should help me stay a little more comfy as I get bigger, hopefully. And two little baby items... "baby's first tigger" & "baby's first pooh." so cute...

And last week I got a buttload of stuff from Old Navy, they had a big sale. More casual stuff but I love the colors!

Some of all these clothes are too big for me right now, it's so hard to believe in a few months I'll be big enough to fill them out, God-willing!

rough nights

2009-09-26T08:00:00.000-07:00

This is sort of health, personal, worry post, so be fore-warned.

Friday & Saturday night as well as last week have been very very rough for me physically with my IBS and pregnancy. I've had a ton of pain, a ton of cramping, and some pretty severe attacks. Last week I got really weird with food again, not eating even close to as much as I have been... naseauted half-way through my meals and feeling not in the mood for anything. I thought at 16 weeks I'd be past that. Some of my cramping last week felt uterine as well, and some of it was higher in my stomach as well as lower in my intestines. At one point I had to leave a dinner with some friends because I was in so much pain.

If you could pray for me that the pain would decrease and my attacks would slow down. My doctor thought I'd be feeling better than this in a few weeks (at my last appt at 13 weeks) so I'm frustrated because I'm actually feeling worse. The pain can get to me really badly emotionally so I start to get fearful and worried again... and feeling that is almost worse than the pain. I am trying so hard to trust in God that he is protecting our child. I still need help with trust.

I haven't been able to determine yet if I'm feeling the baby move yet or if I'm just having so much intestinal distress. I thought at this point all that stuff would be pushed out of the way and I'd be able to clearly tell where the baby is and when it's moving. I feel a bit embarrassed when people touch my stomach right now, because its not really baby quite yet... I mean it is, but most of the time they're all just touching my fat belly. Ugh. And some ask me tons of questions like "how is baby lusky" because all I can say is... I assume totally fine but not quite sure :) The questions do get a bit exhausting. Maybe it's better if everyone reads the blog, then I don't have to field quite so many questions. LOL.

Anyway - appt on Tuesday at 17 weeks with the midwife so I always get excited and nervous about this, but mostly excited. Thanks for the prayers!

Belly Shots

2009-09-23T09:37:00.000-07:00

I've been taking these but not posting them, so here you go. Honestly, not a huge ton of difference over the last 3 weeks. I think I've gained 1 pound over this time period according to my scale/records. Also, wow I need to get my roots done!

And - today.

16 weeks and love

2009-09-22T06:36:00.000-07:00

We're 16 weeks today and I'm excited, because that means in 4 weeks I'll be HALF-FREAKING-WAY. I don't even believe it. I pray we can find out the sex of the baby that week as well!

16 Weeks Development: Get ready for a growth spurt. In the next few weeks, your baby will double his weight and add inches to his length. Right now, he's about the size of an avocado: 4 1/2 inches long (head to rump) and 3 1/2 ounces. His legs are much more developed, his head is more erect than it has been, and his eyes have moved closer to the front of his head. His ears are close to their final position, too. The patterning of his scalp has begun, though his locks aren't recognizable yet. He's even started growing toenails. And there's a lot happening inside as well. For example, his heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood each day, and this amount will continue to increase as your baby continues to develop.

Also, tiny bones in your fetus's ears are in place this week, making it likely that the baby can hear your voice when you're speaking (or singing in the shower).

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Also thinking of Molly, Abraham & children today as they remember their baby girl Felicity Margaret who would have been two years old today. Prayers and comfort with you as we remember!

15 week sonogram

2009-09-16T12:01:00.000-07:00

Had an "unofficial" sonogram at Great Lakes Insitute today. I felt a little like a lab rat as the students were learning how to measure, find things, but it was amazing! It was thrilling to see this baby, with all the parts, moving around and just EXISTING in there! I still can't feel things so seeing the movement was incredible. At one point it was kicking and moving and reflexing all at once. So amazing. She showed me the face too but didn't really get a picture of it or the whole body at once, so we sort of ended up with a bunch of pics of different parts. Still awesome. There's really a baby inside me!!! It weighs about 5 oz right now! Couldn't tell the sex yet, but that's ok.

The first image is the baby waving to me, I'm convinced :) The last two are lower body shots.

Going to put 3 of them bigger here too.

hi everyone! :)

ticker

2009-09-15T18:12:00.001-07:00

cute, dont know where to use it though :)

New Music, New worship

2009-09-14T06:10:00.000-07:00

I've acquired a whole bunch of new music lately, including Matt Redman, Bethany Dillon, Jesus Culture, and some secular tunes Imogen Heap, A Fine Frenzy. I think hearing any of it at a later time will definitely remind me of this time in my life. This busy fall, this crazy time, this early pregnancy. Learning to trust God in new ways, finding His power in different places, relying on him for daily assurances.

Bethany Dillon put out a new album and one song in particular touched me with it's message and simplicity. It could apply to anyone, especially young women who are newly married, in love, or dealing with trying to find time to be with God aside from work, family, and other reponsibilities.

Bethany Dillon - Say Your Name
I'm trying to find a moment with You
These days are speeding by
This ring gives me a new point of view
I'm a dealer in my time
And if I can make a confession
My time is torn between
The man who has won my affection
And the God who made me

Oh it all looks different
But that doesn't mean anything has changed

Still I reach for You
When I am afraid
And this breath that comes from You
Helps me say Your name

I look at the life of Anna
Your presence was her home
I look at the life of my mother
Praying on her back porch

One day very soon
Face to face
I'll give an account of my time to You

exciting

2009-09-10T15:46:00.000-07:00

Great Lakes Institute called me and I've got a free sonogram set up this Weds, Sept 16. I'll be 15 weeks. I can't wait to see what the baby looks like this far along!! I hope she/he moves around a bit so I can see the life!

14 weeks

2009-09-08T07:48:00.000-07:00

Things are going pretty well, I've been feeling pretty good, IBS has been calming down a little bit but still bad at certain times. I have been feeling very tired the last two days again, napping on Sunday and sleeping for like 9-10 hours Sunday and last night. I'm not sure what is going on - maybe the baby is developing a lot right now and draining me! Who knows! Sunday I did a ton of housework in the morning early, which felt good, but then I think drained me later. I actually got up the energy to work out yesterday, did a mile on the elliptical and some weights. If I can keep that up, hopefully that will be good. According to my records, still no real major weight gain since the last few weeks!

I'm getting very excited to continue to be further along. Every fiber of my being wants to feel this baby move. Sometimes I sit and just try to concentrate, but I know it will probably be at LEAST 3 more weeks. I also called for a free sonogram to the Great Lakes Institute but they have yet to return my call which is annoying me because it's been almost a week.

One more weekend of double weddings, then a weekend off. I'm excited for that. Then only 5 more weddings and my season is effectively OVER unless I have anymore last minute weddings come in! I am praying for some graphic design work to come in and break up the winter!

Baby Developments at 14 Weeks:

Your baby can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his thumb! Thanks to brain impulses, his facial muscles are getting a workout as his tiny features form one expression after another. His kidneys are producing urine, which he releases into the amniotic fluid around him — a process he'll keep up until birth. He can grasp, too, and if you're having an ultrasound now, you may even catch him sucking his thumb.

From head to bottom, he measures 3 1/2 inches — about the size of a lemon — and he weighs 1 1/2 ounces. His body's growing faster than his head, which now sits upon a more distinct neck. By the end of this week, his arms will have grown to a length that's in proportion to the rest of his body. (His legs still have some lengthening to do.) He's starting to develop an ultra-fine, downy covering of hair, called lanugo, all over his body. Your baby's liver starts making bile this week — a sign that it's doing its job right — and his spleen starts helping in the production of red blood cells. Though you can't feel his tiny punches and kicks yet, your little pugilist's hands and feet (which now measure about 1/2 inch long) are more flexible and active.

baby heartbeat

2009-09-02T10:58:00.000-07:00

Here's a short audio clip from our appt today. She found the heartbeat very fast, as well as my uterus, saying "yep, its right there, it's like a little house." :-)

The appointment was great. The only concern she had was my weight gain, according to their records, I've gained 10 lbs. According to mine, only 5. I know. It's a discrepancy. So I don't know what to think, but either way I'll try to be careful with portions, and it's time to get exercise back in my life!

13 weeks

2009-09-01T06:25:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow we have a doctor's appt/check up where I pray I'll get the opportunity to record our baby's heartbeat. I keep being a little fraid something will be wrong. But so far everything seems ok and I'm praying over my little one's safety and protection. Will update the blog hopefully with some cool sond effects tomorrow!

Some cool 13 week information
Your fetus is now about three inches long, weighs about an ounce, and is around the size of a peach or a medium shrimp — and half of that length is head. By the time your baby is ready to make his or her entrance into the world, the head will be only one-fourth as large as the body. Starting about now, babies begin growing at different paces, some faster than others, some more slowly, though they all follow the same developmental path. Growing at a universally breakneck speed now is your baby's body as it tries to catch up to the head in terms of size. Though your baby's head is about half the size of its body now, by the time your baby is ready to make his or her entrance into the world, the head will be only one-fourth as large as the body. Your baby's intestines are moving to their permanent (and more conveniently located) address, in your baby's abdomen. And to serve your growing baby's needs, the placenta is also growing.

Also developing this week: your baby's vocal chords. Fingerprints have formed on your baby's tiny fingertips, her veins and organs are clearly visible through her still-thin skin. If you're having a girl, she now has more than 2 million eggs in her ovaries.

12 weeks/doc

2009-08-28T08:54:00.000-07:00

Nothing major to report other than TON of intestinal distress from my IBS. It's been worse this week by far then anyother week I've come across yet. I actually went to my PCP (nurse practitioner since Dr. Brown wasn't available) to see if I could take any Bentyl - and she said its really not safe yet. I was bummed, but I also want to do what is best for the baby. I had a long talk with her where I cried a lot (what else is new) about fears something is wrong. She looked me in the eye and said - "Relax, Breathe, and enjoy this. This is the only pregnancy you'll have with this baby. It's out of your hands, and you are doing your best."

It was slightly condescending, but also re-assuring, if that makes sense. Ha! Anyway here's a 12 week belly shot, although it's really no different then last week. The doctor said its totally normal to not really be showing yet and not be much different and that the uterus isn't quite forward yet. This made me feel good.

12 weeks

2009-08-25T07:29:00.000-07:00

I weighed myself this morning and I'd lost another lb since yesterday, a total of 3 since last week. 11 weeks I weighed 188.9, and today, 186.2 - it's very bizarre, and a little scary. I don't like it. I have a doctors appt next week, and I will talk to her about my weight jumping around, especially if it goes up again next week. Maybe it's because my energy is back so I'm not laying around as much, and I do feel like I'm eating a little less then I was since I'm not feeling so sick all the time.

Praying it's no big deal and, if the baby is still healthy, glad I haven't gained too much so far!

12 weeks news:

How your baby's growing:

The most dramatic development this week: reflexes. Your baby's fingers will soon begin to open and close, his toes will curl, his eye muscles will clench, and his mouth will make sucking movements. In fact, if you prod your abdomen, your baby will squirm in response, although you won't be able to feel it. His intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into his abdominal cavity about now, and his kidneys will begin excreting urine into his bladder.

Meanwhile, nerve cells are multiplying rapidly, and in your baby's brain, synapses are forming furiously. His face looks unquestionably human: His eyes have moved from the sides to the front of his head, and his ears are right where they should be. From crown to rump, your baby-to-be is just over 2 inches long (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce.

energy returning? (crossing fingers)

2009-08-23T14:40:00.000-07:00

Tuesday will be week 12 of this pregnancy, and I slowly have felt my energy returning. Most notably was yesterday's wedding. It was a ton of work, and I was on my feet most of the day and shot some really great pictures. Instead of almost on the verge of losing it the whole day, I felt like I COULD do this, and I was in control.... during the reception I was truly enjoying myself and not really very tired. This could have been partly because the couple was awesome - but in general it was definitely a noticeable energy and motivation increase from the weddings I did in July and even early August. I am praising God, and not as scared about the beginning of September then I was before!

I've been in awe looking at pictures of 11 week old babies (from illustrations and ultrasounds) This baby looks like a real baby now, other than a disproportionate head, and has fingers and toes and is just so awesome - already about 2-2.5 inches from crown to rump. Beautiful...

I've been struggling with some fear and worry again the last few days that I thought I had shaken, afraid I might not be growing enough, that I can't feel my uterus, that maybe the baby isn't growing or something is wrong. I know it's unhealthy. I'm trying to stop. I have my next appt Sept 2 so hopefully that check-up will alleviate my fears.

test

2009-08-19T00:45:00.001-07:00

I seem to have gotten the feed to come through google reader now. Anyone else?

new symptom

2009-08-18T09:26:00.000-07:00

My new symptom this last week has been dizzyness. But I've read its totally normal due to progesterone and the increased blood flow, but lower blood pressure. Nothing too major. I'm still pretty tired but the nausea seems to be dying down.

I also think I'm actually starting to "show" a little. I'll probably look bigger than I am until I catch up because of my little poochy belly already, but today I even noticed a marked difference as to how my stomach is sort of resting. I'm excited about it!

On Babycenter.com I met about 20-30 women all due the same week as me. It is SOOOO cool! I'm trying to enjoy this part of it all now. Yay baby!

tragedy

2009-08-17T11:56:00.000-07:00

Sang at a funeral for a family of a young man and woman from our church. It was very hard, and so emotional for all. I had some weird brain synapses that prevented me from making the connection as to who they were, but when I got there and saw her, I remembered everything and the whole situation and was so honored to be a part of it. I hope I could give even a tiny bit of comfort with the song "How He Loves." My heart goes out to Sandy on the loss of her husband. She is a couple weeks away from delivering their second child. I can't imagine what she is going through. God's love and grace was evident today as the family is reeling, you can see support is rising up all over.

R.I.P. John and love and sympathy goes out to them.