To say everything has changed... is an understatement. I never realized how completely different "pregnancy" is from having the baby - i mean, its a new world. It's like a new level. Chloe is beautiful and sweet, and yet she has her trying moments. Our house has moments of peacefulness and sometimes moments of chaos! I'm starting to go out again and do things, take her with me, and deal with consequences. The visits and meals have trailed off, things are starting to form our own normalcy. It was such a huge help having all those and people have been insanely generous with gifts. At the same time, seeing so many people and doing mild entertaining was overwhelming. Brian is off for 3 days this week and we are still having trouble getting things that are non-chloe-related done (i.e., sending in our estimated quarter 1 tax payments, looking for a new car, ehem... cleaning... lol)
Breastfeeding has been a challenge, then other times its just totally simple and natural. I struggle the most with being in public with it... thankfully our church has a parents room and a nursing mothers room because I pretty much can't get through an entire church service/experience which goes around 2+ hours including travel without feeding Chloe. It's hard because I want to do this for my baby, but I hate making anyone uncomfortable... but this is absolutely the best thing I can do for her right now, and I am committed to making it work as long as I can. I have moments where I'm like - I will definitely do this for at least 6 months, then moments where I'm like... ok... I just want to make it to three months. I'm starting to get nervous about returning to "work" in a little over a month - shooting my first wedding may 15 and what that will mean for our "routine" which is barely a routine really. Pumping is hard, and I hate it. It makes me feel demeaned and unnatural. lol. . . but its necessary for me to have any semblence of freedom at all!
Aside from those new tough moments - I can't believe how much I love this little one. When I see her my heart warms, I feel everything inside me open up to receive and nurture her. I struggle to let her cry for more then a few minutes without my heart breaking! I feel like she does know me already in a lot of ways, and she has different responses to me when I pick her up vs. others, and that is satisfying although I know it is instinctual :)
She is starting to make little smiling faces which just melt my heart and everyone elses (including daddy and grandma's) :-) Thanks to the heat though, or just baby-dum, she has developed some intense breakouts on her face and on her neck. I feel bad for her... she also has a clogged tear duct which some days is super goopy and gross and other days looks totally normal. We have a 1 month appt on Friday so we are going to investigate these things!
I will try to post a little more frequently... I did take some pictures for Easter and had her in a few cute but stylish outfits that I wanted to show off. :) My next endeavor is to try to get her flipping birth announcements done! It's sooo hard to get to this kind of stuff! I can't believe how much longer things take now! lol :)
5 comments:
Chloe is so cute! Hang in there with everything... I remember feeling very overwhelmed at around 4-6 weeks but after that breastfeeding became SO much easier and I learned to be more flexible with things. Pretty soon, you'll be a champ at all these things that feel so complicated.
she's gorgeous! you are so blessed... i hope things fall into a pattern for you soon.
oh man, i LOVE that face she's making with brian! ugh, she's SO AWESOME!!
also, you're doing a great job as a mom! :)
Rachel your doing a WONDERFUL JOB !!!!!! your both beautiful !!!!! Chloe is truly amazing and you and Brian are truly blessed !!!! by the way Joshua and Abigail say HELLO !!! and HAPPY 1 MONTH OLD CHLOE !!!! we love you !!! :) Love Chris and Lorah and the kids :)
I agree with everything you wrote... I think that was exactly how I felt after having Jason. Breastfeeding is tough. There were times when I didn't think I'd be able to stick with it, but now 10 months later I am so glad I did. It gets easier, babies tend to have nursing "marathons" in the beginning (Jason used to nurse for about 45 minutes to an hour), but eventually the sessions only last about 10 minutes. You are doing a great job mama!!!
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