Wednesday, July 29, 2009

1st sonogram

Well, I was still having some mild shoulder pain today as well as some very low pelvic pain (which I thought might be a UTI), so I decided to just call the OB and see if they thought there was anything to be concerned about. Surprisingly, they asked me to come in and just have my ultrasound today, instead of waiting until next week. I was shocked by this, but I guess it's only a week difference and they wanted to just make sure that everything was where it was supposed to be.

I was shocked and elated, and so we went in at 3:45 and saw Baby Lusky for the first time. It was a surreal experience - and I laughed/cried as I first saw that little tiny peanut with a fluttering heart. The baby is still very tiny so we really couldn't see a whole lot but the form of the baby and how it was positioned in the uterus, when she moved around we could see the fluttering heartbeat, 164 bpm, and the head and brain and tiny bumps where arms and legs are forming. It was thrilling, and I am just so freaking psyched. We are so blessed ... and so grateful.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

discomfort & confusion

So much is going on right now - my grandpa is still at Hamot for a fever that just won't quit. The doctors are afraid there may be a blood or heart infection happening and ran some tests. It turns out he has a collapsed lung. WHAT? This is all so crazy.

I started having some mild shoulder pain earlier, which if I wasn't pregnant I wouldn't worry about at all, but I've read from multiple sources that shoulder pain can be a sign of ectopic pregnancy. Now I've got myself in a tizzy about it, and I think if I wake up tomorrow and still have it, I may call my OB - why risk anything? I know I can be hypocondriac about all this - but this is a crucial time and if something is wrong like this, it could be so dangerous.

I'm praying and trusting that everything is totally fine, and I am stressing about nothing. God give me faith and peace, and please help the shoulder pain to disperse and my abdomen to feel more comfortable.

Monday, July 27, 2009

things you don't like to hear while getting blood taken

"ugh, i don't like this arm."

"i just can't find the vein."

"did they tell you your veins are deep?"

"nope i'm not getting anything."

"sorry honey, i'm going to have to go to the other arm"

which, consequently, must have just burst forth with blood cuz she had no problems and it didn't hurt at all.

i might start declining all future blood work ;-)

8 weeks

Well I believe I am 8 weeks today. says that webbed fingers and toes are poking out from your baby's hands and feet, his eyelids practically cover his eyes, breathing tubes extend from his throat to the branches of his developing lungs, and his "tail" is just about gone. In his brain, nerve cells are branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways. The baby is the size of a kidney bean, and is constantly moving and shifting, though you still can't feel it.

Yesterday was very emotional for me at church. I was having waves of nausea and fear, and guilt and joy - all at once. I almost had to leave a few times... a friend sitting next to me kept saying "are you ok??" wondering about the mood changes on my face. It was wild. Good though always to have a friend near you telling you you are semi-normal!

The emotions involved in this while feeling pretty much 'sick' all the time, are just bizarre! Hopefully I am on track to really start feeling better in a month!

I'm just hanging on for that first sonogram Aug 5. I can't wait.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

first appt

Had my first appointment at Erie Women's Health Partners. It was good, although simple, I just met with a nurse Stephanie and went over my health history, meds, possible due date, etc., but she was so sweet and understanding - she let me cry and talk and I think we talked for between 45-60 minutes! Thats a good start.

MY first appt and sonogram is scheduled for August 5th at 1:20 - I AM SO EXCITED!!

Nausea was a bit rough today at points, I'm going to try to mentally rise above it tomorrow, as I am shooting an important wedding!! Come ooonnnn energy!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

new practice

After talking and asking around, I decided on making an appointment with the Erie Women's Health Partners. I've heard great things about the midwives there, and one of the female OB's is my aunt's doc, so that is great to know. I'm excited about it - they were so sweet on the phone and got me in within 3 days of calling. First appointment is now this Thursday, July 23 at 8:30am to meet nurses and staff and go over blood work. I'm very excited to get the process rolling!

Today I woke up feeling fresh as a daisy, like my old self. It actually freaked me out so much that I worried cuz I DIDN'T have symptoms, to which my mom and my husband said - Rachel, you have GOT TO STOP this. It's not good for you!

But never fear, my nausea came back later on in the day! My mom came over and helped me clean the house today as we were having company over. It was great to have her help! I love my mother, I am so so so blessed to have her as my helper and advisor during this time (in addition to my husband, of course) :)

Monday, July 20, 2009

every blessing

Approximately 7 weeks today, the baby is the size of a blueberry (aw) and hands and feet are emerging from developing arms and legs!!!!

The line "Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise" is really COOL if you think about it.... isn't it? I sang it yesterday at church and was just really struck by it... and what that actually means!

The wedding went really well on Saturday, for me physically at least, and my sis was a champion assistant. She was awesome there during the most critical parts! The ceremony itself was a bit of a nightmare because the sun was going in and out every 30 seconds which is very sucky, you have to keep changing your settings!! But I found that if I get myself up, keep moving and try to live as normally as possible, it's much easier to keep your head above the sickness and feel better. I am thankful for this and knowing I can fight it, and live semi-normally and be joyful and excited without being distracted by nausea! At least sometimes. I was able to eat normally at the wedding and that was fantastic!

At church, I was talking to a few different people, getting some opinions on midwives vs. OB/GYN practices, and I'm feeling like I might want to go a different route than how I'm currently scheduled. I'm going to call my PCP tomorrow to try to talk through my options a bit more, because this is all so new to me! There's a lot to think about!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

today is a wedding day

I am scared to think that every Saturday is going to be like this until September, around when I enter my second trimester. I pray it lifts sooner. I feel not as bad as some mornings, but I know its just because I am using my will power to hold off the debilitating nausea and fatigue that wants to overtake me. But today, it is not an option. I MUST be out the door by 12:45 pm today to go shoot a wedding for the rest of the day at the Peak.

I am scared my clients won't get my best work from me because I am nervous I will be constantly fighting back nausea and exhaustion, but I know I can do it. Luckily my amazing sister is coming with me. Jesus says, come to me Ye who are weary and burdened - I know you may all be looking at me going, come ON, you dont barely leave your house, how can you be weary --- and you're NOT burdened, you should be rejoicing! Believe me, I know these things, and they are truths that are certainly fact - but physical overwhelment and nausea and fatigue can just shut down all your normal, rational senses of who you should be.

But I know with Jesus I can conquer, and I will. Maybe this sounds dramatic, but it's where I am.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

what a weird night of sleep

Last night I had another night where I fell asleep around 9:30 on the couch, and then proceeded to pick myself up around 11:00pm, and drag myself into bed. Brian came to bed around 2:00am, and I woke up again, tossed and turned, then went and slept down on the couch until about 8:30 this morning. This is SO not like me, I usually sleep 7 hours a night tops - sometimes I'm pushing 13 with this early pregnancy fatigue!

The good thing is, I woke up feeling a lot better than I have the previous mornings, just a slight bit of nausea and I think some real energy, so I hope I can be productive today, and really get a lot accomplished, since I have gotten pretty much Nada accomplished the last 3 days.

I have a wedding this Saturday at the Peek and I'm nervous about my energy level and inspiration. Its like my creativity has been sapped, and I'm very scared that my couples within my first trimester are going to suffer from my lack of creativity. I am going to try to go with many ideas so I don't have to think about much and just try to go on auto pilot with ideas I know will work well.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

6 weeks

I guess! That's a rough estimate but I'm somewhere around 6 weeks today, and the baby is the size of a lentil bean. Weird comparison but it helps. Arm and leg buds are forming, the heart is beating, and nostrils and eyes are forming already. How surreal.

I have my first real appt scheduled at 8 weeks - July 27 at 12:45 with Dr. Wise's nurse. So I guess it's not a real real apointment, we'll probably just go over my blood work. We'll see how that goes. And found out that the ACL didn't draw enough blood to process my prenatal screening, so I have to go back and get more drawn; I'll be sporting a nice bruise on the inside of both arms!

I guess I better get used to being poked and prodded!

--Update, they only did a prenatal screening set that tests for things like rubella, blood type, etc... but still no one has drawn any of the blood tests for hormonal types of testing. I thought this was one of the most important things because it could signify any problems with the pregnancy or any chances of twins, etc.., so this is frustrating, knowing I'll definitely have to go back again in the next few weeks and I haven't even been to the doctor yet!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

wow, a lot of people found out today

I had a wedding last night with tons of people I knew, and a bridal shower and church today with even more people I knew - some who I haven't seen a while and who knew Brian and I were thinking about trying. Some even came right out and asked me. It is so hard to keep this quiet with so many who are interested in our lives surrounding me. I admit I have a lot of fear about too many people knowing in case something were to go wrong; but I can't live in fear and must trust that God will protect this pregnancy and new life, so I'm trying to just be excited with those who are so thrilled for us, instead of going "crap... they know too?"

My good friend Meghan gave me 3 pregnancy books today, so I'm starting to go through the parts that are applicable to this early stage of pregnancy. It's scary and exciting to read about all that is happening, but also really comforting to know that the early symptoms I have are totally normal and many have gone through them before me. Knowing right now the baby is the size of an apple seed, and even has a heart forming that will soon be fluttering, is thrilling and intense!

Today we got the news of a couple who were one week away from their due date, and lost their baby due to an umbilical cord complication. This is so tragic, and so sad, and very scary to hear, especially when you are still processing the crazy changes and new life that is just starting to form inside of you. I admit it turned my insides and my thoughts immediately went to others I know who have struggled with this, and gone through similar if not the same thing. I feel so much hurt and sorrow for this couple, and pray for comfort in this unbelievably difficult time.

God, we have to believe in You and your divine providence in these situations - otherwise, how else can any of it make sense without you? How can anyone have any hope without knowing that You love us more than anything else?

You give and take away.. You give and take away.
My heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be Your name.

God, help us to be able to truly believe that and love and praise You through it all. As you took my grandmother to her heavenly home, you are now giving our family a new life and I will praise You through each step of the way.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

the video where we tell the news

I really hate myself on video... but Brian forced me to be the one on the other side of the camera :-) I guess you can look at my fat mug for good news like this, right?

positive blood test results

I have received the confirmed positive from my blood test taken on Thursday. My PCP was so excited she opened the door and told the office I was pregnant! Over the last few days we've told some of our closest friends and family who we are in touch with the most so that they can pray for protection over this new and very tiny life.

I am already feeling symptoms, and considering I'm not even 6 weeks yet... this doesn't bode well. The doctor told me that the symptoms are a good sign, it means good hormones, so I'm trying to look at it as positive. The main ones are that I feel completely and utterly EXHAUSTED... I walk up a flight of stairs and feel like I want to go to bed. Honestly I'm surprised I did as well as I did in Italy because of the exhaustion I am feeling now! This one might be TMI for any men out there, but my breasts have been sore for 3 weeks and its only getting worse! I am definitely feeling more sensitive to smells, and overall I feel a general blah of nausea... not intolerable, but just annoying.

It is funny how soon you can really start to feel different! It is hard for me to not be stressing out over aches, pains and cramps that are relatively normal for me with my IBS condition - when you know there is a life growing inside you in the same general area, it causes me to worry a bit, or maybe not enough!

I told my grandpa yesterday, and we all are happy but cried a bit with sadness... wishing Grandma was still around, as we know this news would just thrill her to pieces. We miss her so much!

I am waiting for my appointment with Dr. Elizabeth Wise, one of the top OB/GYNs in the area recommended by my PCP, so I'll update when I know the date and what it will involve!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

july 8

We are still in the Venice airport, our flight has been delayed, and we have been using the time to try to figure out if I am considered 4 or 5 weeks pregnant :-) I don't know why, but the distinction is bugging me.

I don't really have too many symptoms yet except breast soreness and fatigue, and feeling picky about foods in general - but this could also be related to being in a foreign country and out of my normal food routine. I am so excited to get home and start living this out.

I haven't let myself become fully invested in this yet. I have seen so many friends struggle through pregnancies, lose babies, and miscarry that is hard for me to give my heart to this 100%, even though I just want to explode with joy deep down. I will visit the doctor tomorrow, even though it is very early, to make sure everything is ok due to the fact that I have been so sick this entire trip!

Overall, I am just bursting... and I want to tell the world about this new life forming inside me. But I am still trying to be cautious, as it is so early. Soon I hope to reveal this blog to everyone who is interested to follow along!

Friday, July 3, 2009

july 3, Italy


I CANT believe it. More to come.