12 weeks/doc

Nothing major to report other than TON of intestinal distress from my IBS. It's been worse this week by far then anyother week I've come across yet. I actually went to my PCP (nurse practitioner since Dr. Brown wasn't available) to see if I could take any Bentyl - and she said its really not safe yet. I was bummed, but I also want to do what is best for the baby. I had a long talk with her where I cried a lot (what else is new) about fears something is wrong. She looked me in the eye and said - "Relax, Breathe, and enjoy this. This is the only pregnancy you'll have with this baby. It's out of your hands, and you are doing your best."

It was slightly condescending, but also re-assuring, if that makes sense. Ha! Anyway here's a 12 week belly shot, although it's really no different then last week. The doctor said its totally normal to not really be showing yet and not be much different and that the uterus isn't quite forward yet. This made me feel good.

12 weeks

I weighed myself this morning and I'd lost another lb since yesterday, a total of 3 since last week. 11 weeks I weighed 188.9, and today, 186.2 - it's very bizarre, and a little scary. I don't like it. I have a doctors appt next week, and I will talk to her about my weight jumping around, especially if it goes up again next week. Maybe it's because my energy is back so I'm not laying around as much, and I do feel like I'm eating a little less then I was since I'm not feeling so sick all the time.

Praying it's no big deal and, if the baby is still healthy, glad I haven't gained too much so far!

12 weeks news:

How your baby's growing:

The most dramatic development this week: reflexes. Your baby's fingers will soon begin to open and close, his toes will curl, his eye muscles will clench, and his mouth will make sucking movements. In fact, if you prod your abdomen, your baby will squirm in response, although you won't be able to feel it. His intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into his abdominal cavity about now, and his kidneys will begin excreting urine into his bladder.

Meanwhile, nerve cells are multiplying rapidly, and in your baby's brain, synapses are forming furiously. His face looks unquestionably human: His eyes have moved from the sides to the front of his head, and his ears are right where they should be. From crown to rump, your baby-to-be is just over 2 inches long (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce.

energy returning? (crossing fingers)

Tuesday will be week 12 of this pregnancy, and I slowly have felt my energy returning. Most notably was yesterday's wedding. It was a ton of work, and I was on my feet most of the day and shot some really great pictures. Instead of almost on the verge of losing it the whole day, I felt like I COULD do this, and I was in control.... during the reception I was truly enjoying myself and not really very tired. This could have been partly because the couple was awesome - but in general it was definitely a noticeable energy and motivation increase from the weddings I did in July and even early August. I am praising God, and not as scared about the beginning of September then I was before!

I've been in awe looking at pictures of 11 week old babies (from illustrations and ultrasounds) This baby looks like a real baby now, other than a disproportionate head, and has fingers and toes and is just so awesome - already about 2-2.5 inches from crown to rump. Beautiful...

I've been struggling with some fear and worry again the last few days that I thought I had shaken, afraid I might not be growing enough, that I can't feel my uterus, that maybe the baby isn't growing or something is wrong. I know it's unhealthy. I'm trying to stop. I have my next appt Sept 2 so hopefully that check-up will alleviate my fears.

test

I seem to have gotten the feed to come through google reader now. Anyone else?

new symptom

My new symptom this last week has been dizzyness. But I've read its totally normal due to progesterone and the increased blood flow, but lower blood pressure. Nothing too major. I'm still pretty tired but the nausea seems to be dying down.

I also think I'm actually starting to "show" a little. I'll probably look bigger than I am until I catch up because of my little poochy belly already, but today I even noticed a marked difference as to how my stomach is sort of resting. I'm excited about it!

On Babycenter.com I met about 20-30 women all due the same week as me. It is SOOOO cool! I'm trying to enjoy this part of it all now. Yay baby!

tragedy

Sang at a funeral for a family of a young man and woman from our church. It was very hard, and so emotional for all. I had some weird brain synapses that prevented me from making the connection as to who they were, but when I got there and saw her, I remembered everything and the whole situation and was so honored to be a part of it. I hope I could give even a tiny bit of comfort with the song "How He Loves." My heart goes out to Sandy on the loss of her husband. She is a couple weeks away from delivering their second child. I can't imagine what she is going through. God's love and grace was evident today as the family is reeling, you can see support is rising up all over.

R.I.P. John and love and sympathy goes out to them.

transition time

Been thinking a lot this week about the transition in going from young, 20-something, drop everything and go, do whatever we want, stay up till all hours people... to young mom & dad, and young family we will become in 7 months or so. I've wrestled with it a bit... it's hard to realize how different things will be, but I know the sacrifice will be so so so worth it. I think it hit me because this week I missed 2 fun, random things I could have done with some of my best friends who don't have children, because I'm simply exhausted by 10:15 pm and can't barely keep my head up. It's utterly impossible when you are at this stage, and every friend I've spoken to who's been pregnant agrees that it is like this, especially in the first trimester. This baby begins to change the woman, I believe, long before it really truly affects the man. I had an emotional week, but as hormones are raging I believe this is ok. The amazing thing is seeing how Brian wants to help me as much as he can, and I appreciate every tiny move he makes for me and in helping me. But even at some moments, he needs his own time and to be able to go and just be free, especially if I'm just going to be sleeping! haha.

I guess I have this weird fear of losing friends and changing relationships when we have a child. I always do fear those two things anyway in friendships, especially after being hurt and burned by one a few years ago that has still to this day messed me up and makes me believe all our friends will inevitably get sick of or drop us. Regardless of that issue-that-is-totally-my-own ... I know things will inevitably change. But I pray that the transition will be smooth, and we won't fall off the face of the earth too much. But... if we do... it's worth it for that little life growing inside. Who knows how it will all be??

As you can see - I'm a crazy rollercoaster of this, that, and the other thing right now. So, bear with me!

hair cut

Got my hair cut shorter today. Always refreshing. But I didn't get a color, so I missed out on my favorite part, Ellen shampooing and massaging my head. I should have said yes when she asked if I wanted it!! Oh well. Maybe I'll hire her to come wash my hair everyday LOL. It's always good to do something good for your appearance, because at this point I just feel bloated and gross. I hope I start to "glow" soon. LOL. Only 2.5 more weeks till I hit 2nd trimester!!

Fun pregnancy conversation though with Ellen. It's always great to talk to young women who have just been through it themselves, they love to offer their experiences! Ellen was one of my best reactions when she found out I was pregnant. I thought she might faint! Haha.

some new people

Invited a few new people today. We'll see if it's worth just making it public (public in that you don't have to sign in) But I still don't think I'll tell everyone about it.

I mean, are that many people interested in my morning sickness? Probably not!

Let me know if you're interested in an RSS public feed and if it would make it easier for you!

lunchity lunch

Went to lunch with my good friend Kristin Untisz who I used to work with at EO a few months back. She is also pregnant and a few weeks ahead of me! I'm jealous of her tiny visible baby bump because she actually had a flat stomach to begin with :-)

Anyway it was so fun to be with a friend going through almost the same things as me and be able to talk baby without worrying about boring the other person. I pray we both have health pregnancies and babies. I feel close to her and her baby already!

I started wearing maternity close last week. I was just so sick of everything making me uncomfortable with it's tightness... I gave up. So I started earlier than some... who cares! And also found out Angie Collins, a fellow vocalist is pregnant with her fourth baby!! She's about 2 weeks behind me. So weird how so many pregnant women are surrounding me!!! And also my friend Penny, a fellow photographer, is right around where Kristin is, at about 12 weeks.

Crazy - baby time!! God please keep our growing babies safe and sound and under your complete protection. Only you are in control, and we will do our best to protect and care for our baby by our own actions - but ultimately you are deciding their fate and their lives! You are knitting them together! Praise God!

For today just trying to edit photos like a mad-woman and deal with this ridiculous heat and humidity! It is so nuts! It's amazing how it just makes me feel so gross!!

heartbeat

Had my first physical exam today - relatively uneventful although rather uncomfortable (didn't think I'd have to get a PAP while pregnant). But I did get to hear the baby's tiny heartbeat faintly behind mine. I was so excited because the midwife said she can't always detect it this early, but she likes to try, and she was very persistent until she found it, and seemed as excited as me! :-) Even though I'd already seen it on the ultrasound last week, it was still fantastic and made me smile. Another appt at 13 weeks (a month from now) and Brian will get to hear it too.

Other than that, things have been good. I feel a bit of my energy coming back. I am still queasy in the mornings, but days like today are good, I feel like I can go out and do things and even do dishes and vacuum. I'm glad and hopeful that I'm coming out of the worst of the nausea and symptoms.

Brian and I looked at baby names - top 200 from 2005 yesterday in a book I had. It was interesting how many we DIDN'T like or couldn't even consider, some that we loved but close friends had already taken (like Eli, Mason, Caleb, etc. ;-) Girlwise I think we are less picky and have more choices. Who knows though!

Anyway - that's it for today. Leave me a comment if you even read this!

another wedding today

Feeling ok this morning other than some digestive issues this morning. I've been reading more and more about how early in pregnancy the digestive system can be so out of wack due to the hormones messing with how it all functions. I was worrying it might be bad for the baby, but after looking around at some pictures and seeing how my uterus is pushing everything around in there, even this early, I can see now how it's all separate and why certain things are hurting and seemingly malfunctioning. And now I understand why in the second trimester I'll stop having to pee SO much cuz my uterus will raise up. It's actually VERY weird, and realizing that in a few months all my intestines are going to be pushed up into my abdomenal cavity is freaking me out! haha. If you're interested in seeing some detailed interior organal woman pictures, you can click here. I'm sure it's not for everyone.

Well today I have a wedding to shoot (as usual) :-) and I'm not dreading it AS badly as I have been. It's more of a 7 hour deal instead of 8-9 and there is no album to put together afterwards, so I feel a bit more relaxed and excited to just do what i do. And knowing there are wedding photographers ALL over the country, and we're all working hard, makes me feel like part of the photog community :)

Just want to stay focused, energized and excited. It's tough sometimes - I kinda just want to stay here on the couch :-)