Brian's mom Beth, came in for the weekend to spend time with us (well mainly Brian and I was out of town for a wedding) for her late birthday present. It was so good to see her and spend time with her. It was weird that this is the first time we've all seen her since we found out we were pregnant, since my grandma died. Everything sort of seems different now... everything IS different now.
Amy - my amazing sister - is now engaged!! I am so thrilled for her, and I know that her wedding and marriage is going to be beautiful and unique. You can read the story here :) Josh is such a fantastic guy who has a huge heart, and treats my sister amazingly (which is what every big sister wants to see!)
Papa had a third surgery yesterday - this one was to explore the bladder and potentially scrape out any regrowth of cancer. Unfortunately, his bladder cancer is so aggressive, that 80% of the tumors that were removed less than two months ago, have returned. This FREAKS ME OUT and is so insane. They injected some chemotherapy medicine directly into the bladder, and will continue to try this for 6 weeks to see if it can make a dent in the tumors this way. If not, then the next stage will potentially be a surgery to completely remove the bladder, which can be totally brutal and for an 80-something year old man, sigh. I just don't want him to have to go through that. But at the same time, I know Papa wants to do whatever is best to keep his life going, and he seems to have a good outlook and said, let's just trust in God, and put it all in His hands.
The sort of contrast of having one grandmother die in the spring who I wasn't really very close to, then having a grandmother die in June from cancer, just a few weeks before we found out we were pregnant, who I WAS very close to.... and THEN watching my grandpa go through another battle with a different kind of cancer. Then Amy is getting married... and neither grandma will be there. All so fast. I miss my grandma Koos so much sometimes... I just can't believe she is not here. I just think of her and... I wish I could dream more about her to hear her talk to me again. I think we all are still reeling that it happened as fast as it did. I miss her laugh most of all, and how much she loved her family and her kitties. Cancer.. Cancer... Cancer. Death. Life. Cancer. Marriage. Life. Baby. Fear. Family. Cancer. Sickness. Change. Joy. Sorrow. Life. Love. Support. Life. Love.
God's control... God's plan... God's protection... God's arms... God's promise.
In His shadow there is peace
In His arms there is rest
In His word there is hope
In His hands there is grace
In the end... no hurting
In the end... no yearning
In the end... no suffering, no sadness or pain
In the end...
-David Crowder, In the End [O Resplendant Light!]
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5 comments:
Doesn't life here just make you long for heaven that much more... to be with God and to see that everything on earth has flowed through His love, grace and mercy. My heart aches to have His point of view!
What a wonderful family you have been blessed with!
You will here her voice again one day! Sometimes when you least expect it. And you will stop and say thank you. I hear my grandma and it brings peace to my heart!
Beautiful words daughter! Tears to my eyes.
-Bill Mason
Well put, Rachel...I have come to believe that life does not so much have "its ups and downs," but more like two parallels running at once, the good and the bad, the joyful and the sorrowful. There always seems to be both. How lovely to be able to cling to God's promise that "though there is weeping in the evening, joy comes in the morning." And ... Read Morewhere your Grandmas are now there is only joy, eternally. Jesus spent so much of his ministry speaking of that future life, that it was and is real...another promise we can count on! Good news!
-Paula Holmes
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