But you know what? Papa's spirit is something that is an example I can learn from. He only wants the Lord's will and he will remain strong through this. We just have to stay strong for him.
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Friday, November 6, 2009
things
Things are bad with Papa. You can check our facebook statuses for updates, but we are all rocked by the news. Basically they couldn't do the surgery, because the cancer has grown rapidly and spread outside the bladder. I will update when I know more. I really am so shocked by this - I just really believed the bladder was going to come out and he would get some more time out of this. Cancer is so scary, so ugly.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
19 Weeks
Wow, is this happening? It seems like things are speeding up all of a sudden. And at the same time, I feel more patient then I did... I don't know what it is! I am suddenly aware of how blessed we are that God has protected the baby thus far. I don't take it for granted, and still pray for constant protection. I know anything can happen. I thank God for every week He gives me in this pregnancy. We had a penta-screen blood test 2 weeks ago and I haven't heard any news, which in this case, I believe is good. No news = no major problems with the bloodwork that need to be discussed immediately.
It's like my mind and my body are finally starting to connect. It's taken a while for that to happen. I'm starting to be able to feel my uterus JUST below my belly button which is crazy to know that the baby is finally not hiding quite so much in my fat/insides and coming forward! I'm still continuing to feel nudges, I think, it's still a little hard to tell, but if they aren't nudges, then I have some sort of weird muscle twitch that needs to be dealt with ;-)
19 Weeks Development
Your baby's sensory development is exploding! Her brain is designating specialized areas for smell, taste, hearing, vision, and touch. Some research suggests that she may be able to hear your voice now, so don't be shy about reading aloud, talking to her, or singing a happy tune if the mood strikes you. Your baby weighs about 8 1/2 ounces and measures 6 inches, head to bottom — about the size of a large heirloom tomato or a large mango. Ha. Measured from head to feet, about 9-10 inches! (That flips me out a bit) Her arms and legs are in the right proportions to each other and the rest of her body now. Her kidneys continue to make urine and the hair on her scalp is sprouting. A waxy protective coating called the vernix caseosa is forming on her skin to prevent it from pickling in the amniotic fluid.
Your little action figure is able to choreograph Matrix-like moves. Arms and legs are finally in proportion, neurons are now connected between the brain and muscles, and cartilage throughout the body is turning to bone. All these upgrades combine to give your baby more control over limb movements. Which explains all that kicking, stretching, and bodysurfing (or rather bellysurfing) you've possibly started feeling by now.
It's like my mind and my body are finally starting to connect. It's taken a while for that to happen. I'm starting to be able to feel my uterus JUST below my belly button which is crazy to know that the baby is finally not hiding quite so much in my fat/insides and coming forward! I'm still continuing to feel nudges, I think, it's still a little hard to tell, but if they aren't nudges, then I have some sort of weird muscle twitch that needs to be dealt with ;-)
19 Weeks Development
Your baby's sensory development is exploding! Her brain is designating specialized areas for smell, taste, hearing, vision, and touch. Some research suggests that she may be able to hear your voice now, so don't be shy about reading aloud, talking to her, or singing a happy tune if the mood strikes you. Your baby weighs about 8 1/2 ounces and measures 6 inches, head to bottom — about the size of a large heirloom tomato or a large mango. Ha. Measured from head to feet, about 9-10 inches! (That flips me out a bit) Her arms and legs are in the right proportions to each other and the rest of her body now. Her kidneys continue to make urine and the hair on her scalp is sprouting. A waxy protective coating called the vernix caseosa is forming on her skin to prevent it from pickling in the amniotic fluid.
Your little action figure is able to choreograph Matrix-like moves. Arms and legs are finally in proportion, neurons are now connected between the brain and muscles, and cartilage throughout the body is turning to bone. All these upgrades combine to give your baby more control over limb movements. Which explains all that kicking, stretching, and bodysurfing (or rather bellysurfing) you've possibly started feeling by now.
Friday, October 2, 2009
family updates
Brian's mom Beth, came in for the weekend to spend time with us (well mainly Brian and I was out of town for a wedding) for her late birthday present. It was so good to see her and spend time with her. It was weird that this is the first time we've all seen her since we found out we were pregnant, since my grandma died. Everything sort of seems different now... everything IS different now.
Amy - my amazing sister - is now engaged!! I am so thrilled for her, and I know that her wedding and marriage is going to be beautiful and unique. You can read the story here :) Josh is such a fantastic guy who has a huge heart, and treats my sister amazingly (which is what every big sister wants to see!)
Papa had a third surgery yesterday - this one was to explore the bladder and potentially scrape out any regrowth of cancer. Unfortunately, his bladder cancer is so aggressive, that 80% of the tumors that were removed less than two months ago, have returned. This FREAKS ME OUT and is so insane. They injected some chemotherapy medicine directly into the bladder, and will continue to try this for 6 weeks to see if it can make a dent in the tumors this way. If not, then the next stage will potentially be a surgery to completely remove the bladder, which can be totally brutal and for an 80-something year old man, sigh. I just don't want him to have to go through that. But at the same time, I know Papa wants to do whatever is best to keep his life going, and he seems to have a good outlook and said, let's just trust in God, and put it all in His hands.
The sort of contrast of having one grandmother die in the spring who I wasn't really very close to, then having a grandmother die in June from cancer, just a few weeks before we found out we were pregnant, who I WAS very close to.... and THEN watching my grandpa go through another battle with a different kind of cancer. Then Amy is getting married... and neither grandma will be there. All so fast. I miss my grandma Koos so much sometimes... I just can't believe she is not here. I just think of her and... I wish I could dream more about her to hear her talk to me again. I think we all are still reeling that it happened as fast as it did. I miss her laugh most of all, and how much she loved her family and her kitties. Cancer.. Cancer... Cancer. Death. Life. Cancer. Marriage. Life. Baby. Fear. Family. Cancer. Sickness. Change. Joy. Sorrow. Life. Love. Support. Life. Love.
God's control... God's plan... God's protection... God's arms... God's promise.
In His shadow there is peace
In His arms there is rest
In His word there is hope
In His hands there is grace
In the end... no hurting
In the end... no yearning
In the end... no suffering, no sadness or pain
In the end...
-David Crowder, In the End [O Resplendant Light!]
Amy - my amazing sister - is now engaged!! I am so thrilled for her, and I know that her wedding and marriage is going to be beautiful and unique. You can read the story here :) Josh is such a fantastic guy who has a huge heart, and treats my sister amazingly (which is what every big sister wants to see!)
Papa had a third surgery yesterday - this one was to explore the bladder and potentially scrape out any regrowth of cancer. Unfortunately, his bladder cancer is so aggressive, that 80% of the tumors that were removed less than two months ago, have returned. This FREAKS ME OUT and is so insane. They injected some chemotherapy medicine directly into the bladder, and will continue to try this for 6 weeks to see if it can make a dent in the tumors this way. If not, then the next stage will potentially be a surgery to completely remove the bladder, which can be totally brutal and for an 80-something year old man, sigh. I just don't want him to have to go through that. But at the same time, I know Papa wants to do whatever is best to keep his life going, and he seems to have a good outlook and said, let's just trust in God, and put it all in His hands.
The sort of contrast of having one grandmother die in the spring who I wasn't really very close to, then having a grandmother die in June from cancer, just a few weeks before we found out we were pregnant, who I WAS very close to.... and THEN watching my grandpa go through another battle with a different kind of cancer. Then Amy is getting married... and neither grandma will be there. All so fast. I miss my grandma Koos so much sometimes... I just can't believe she is not here. I just think of her and... I wish I could dream more about her to hear her talk to me again. I think we all are still reeling that it happened as fast as it did. I miss her laugh most of all, and how much she loved her family and her kitties. Cancer.. Cancer... Cancer. Death. Life. Cancer. Marriage. Life. Baby. Fear. Family. Cancer. Sickness. Change. Joy. Sorrow. Life. Love. Support. Life. Love.
God's control... God's plan... God's protection... God's arms... God's promise.
In His shadow there is peace
In His arms there is rest
In His word there is hope
In His hands there is grace
In the end... no hurting
In the end... no yearning
In the end... no suffering, no sadness or pain
In the end...
-David Crowder, In the End [O Resplendant Light!]
Monday, September 14, 2009
New Music, New worship
I've acquired a whole bunch of new music lately, including Matt Redman, Bethany Dillon, Jesus Culture, and some secular tunes Imogen Heap, A Fine Frenzy. I think hearing any of it at a later time will definitely remind me of this time in my life. This busy fall, this crazy time, this early pregnancy. Learning to trust God in new ways, finding His power in different places, relying on him for daily assurances.
Bethany Dillon put out a new album and one song in particular touched me with it's message and simplicity. It could apply to anyone, especially young women who are newly married, in love, or dealing with trying to find time to be with God aside from work, family, and other reponsibilities.
Bethany Dillon - Say Your Name
I'm trying to find a moment with You
These days are speeding by
This ring gives me a new point of view
I'm a dealer in my time
And if I can make a confession
My time is torn between
The man who has won my affection
And the God who made me
Oh it all looks different
But that doesn't mean anything has changed
Still I reach for You
When I am afraid
And this breath that comes from You
Helps me say Your name
I look at the life of Anna
Your presence was her home
I look at the life of my mother
Praying on her back porch
One day very soon
Face to face
I'll give an account of my time to You
Bethany Dillon put out a new album and one song in particular touched me with it's message and simplicity. It could apply to anyone, especially young women who are newly married, in love, or dealing with trying to find time to be with God aside from work, family, and other reponsibilities.
Bethany Dillon - Say Your Name
I'm trying to find a moment with You
These days are speeding by
This ring gives me a new point of view
I'm a dealer in my time
And if I can make a confession
My time is torn between
The man who has won my affection
And the God who made me
Oh it all looks different
But that doesn't mean anything has changed
Still I reach for You
When I am afraid
And this breath that comes from You
Helps me say Your name
I look at the life of Anna
Your presence was her home
I look at the life of my mother
Praying on her back porch
One day very soon
Face to face
I'll give an account of my time to You
Monday, July 20, 2009
every blessing
Approximately 7 weeks today, the baby is the size of a blueberry (aw) and hands and feet are emerging from developing arms and legs!!!!The line "Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise" is really COOL if you think about it.... isn't it? I sang it yesterday at church and was just really struck by it... and what that actually means!
The wedding went really well on Saturday, for me physically at least, and my sis was a champion assistant. She was awesome there during the most critical parts! The ceremony itself was a bit of a nightmare because the sun was going in and out every 30 seconds which is very sucky, you have to keep changing your settings!! But I found that if I get myself up, keep moving and try to live as normally as possible, it's much easier to keep your head above the sickness and feel better. I am thankful for this and knowing I can fight it, and live semi-normally and be joyful and excited without being distracted by nausea! At least sometimes. I was able to eat normally at the wedding and that was fantastic!
At church, I was talking to a few different people, getting some opinions on midwives vs. OB/GYN practices, and I'm feeling like I might want to go a different route than how I'm currently scheduled. I'm going to call my PCP tomorrow to try to talk through my options a bit more, because this is all so new to me! There's a lot to think about!
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