update

Going on almost 13 weeks with baby #2 inside. Baby #1... Chloe... on the outside... she is something right now. I have been sooooo proud of her lately. Her bedtime has been going so much better as we found a way so that she would STOP getting out of her room. Call it a safety handle on the door knob. There have still been a lot of tears, but over the last few days, the tears have slowed way down. Right now she just rolled herself over onto her other pillow and tucked herself in. She's calling for me but not crying... maybe talking to her animals :) I know there will be bad nights again, but the improvement is remarkable.

Her new thing is repeating herself, over and over, and screaming. We are working on getting control of this. But most of the time she is CRACKING me up with her requests, things she makes up, says, etc. She's so much fun, but so draining... all at the same time.

I am really struggling personally. I am so far behind on my work I don't know how I'll ever catch up. I'm terrified about money next year because I don't want to work as much but we need even more money... always needing more money. I still don't feel settled in our new home, and that really depresses me. I hardly clean, have little motivation to do much of anything but sleep. I thought by 12 weeks I'd be feeling my energy coming back but this week it's been worse! Morning sickness has switched to afternoon funk/sleepy/sickness where I've starting napping during Chloe's nap which is a waste of precious time that I need to be working, taking care of the house.

My eating is out of control. I have constant post-nasal drip which makes me feel sick all the time. I cannot get ahold of myself. I feel like I should see a nutritionist who can make up an eating plan for me. I think step 1 is to get my Eating Clean book out again and start following it. It's not a DIET, it's just HEALTHFUL, wholesome eating, which is far from what I'm doing. I am doing a disservice to myself, my body, and my new baby. Sometimes I can't even get my prenatal vitamin down. I hardly move at all... zero activity other then chasing chloe around.

No more pity party for myself. I need to spring into action, as soon as possible.

Now... I must edit one of FOUR weddings I need to get done :(

14 weeks

Things are going pretty well, I've been feeling pretty good, IBS has been calming down a little bit but still bad at certain times. I have been feeling very tired the last two days again, napping on Sunday and sleeping for like 9-10 hours Sunday and last night. I'm not sure what is going on - maybe the baby is developing a lot right now and draining me! Who knows! Sunday I did a ton of housework in the morning early, which felt good, but then I think drained me later. I actually got up the energy to work out yesterday, did a mile on the elliptical and some weights. If I can keep that up, hopefully that will be good. According to my records, still no real major weight gain since the last few weeks!

I'm getting very excited to continue to be further along. Every fiber of my being wants to feel this baby move. Sometimes I sit and just try to concentrate, but I know it will probably be at LEAST 3 more weeks. I also called for a free sonogram to the Great Lakes Institute but they have yet to return my call which is annoying me because it's been almost a week.

One more weekend of double weddings, then a weekend off. I'm excited for that. Then only 5 more weddings and my season is effectively OVER unless I have anymore last minute weddings come in! I am praying for some graphic design work to come in and break up the winter!

Baby Developments at 14 Weeks:

Your baby can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his thumb! Thanks to brain impulses, his facial muscles are getting a workout as his tiny features form one expression after another. His kidneys are producing urine, which he releases into the amniotic fluid around him — a process he'll keep up until birth. He can grasp, too, and if you're having an ultrasound now, you may even catch him sucking his thumb.

From head to bottom, he measures 3 1/2 inches — about the size of a lemon — and he weighs 1 1/2 ounces. His body's growing faster than his head, which now sits upon a more distinct neck. By the end of this week, his arms will have grown to a length that's in proportion to the rest of his body. (His legs still have some lengthening to do.) He's starting to develop an ultra-fine, downy covering of hair, called lanugo, all over his body. Your baby's liver starts making bile this week — a sign that it's doing its job right — and his spleen starts helping in the production of red blood cells. Though you can't feel his tiny punches and kicks yet, your little pugilist's hands and feet (which now measure about 1/2 inch long) are more flexible and active.

energy returning? (crossing fingers)

Tuesday will be week 12 of this pregnancy, and I slowly have felt my energy returning. Most notably was yesterday's wedding. It was a ton of work, and I was on my feet most of the day and shot some really great pictures. Instead of almost on the verge of losing it the whole day, I felt like I COULD do this, and I was in control.... during the reception I was truly enjoying myself and not really very tired. This could have been partly because the couple was awesome - but in general it was definitely a noticeable energy and motivation increase from the weddings I did in July and even early August. I am praising God, and not as scared about the beginning of September then I was before!

I've been in awe looking at pictures of 11 week old babies (from illustrations and ultrasounds) This baby looks like a real baby now, other than a disproportionate head, and has fingers and toes and is just so awesome - already about 2-2.5 inches from crown to rump. Beautiful...

I've been struggling with some fear and worry again the last few days that I thought I had shaken, afraid I might not be growing enough, that I can't feel my uterus, that maybe the baby isn't growing or something is wrong. I know it's unhealthy. I'm trying to stop. I have my next appt Sept 2 so hopefully that check-up will alleviate my fears.

today is a wedding day

I am scared to think that every Saturday is going to be like this until September, around when I enter my second trimester. I pray it lifts sooner. I feel not as bad as some mornings, but I know its just because I am using my will power to hold off the debilitating nausea and fatigue that wants to overtake me. But today, it is not an option. I MUST be out the door by 12:45 pm today to go shoot a wedding for the rest of the day at the Peak.

I am scared my clients won't get my best work from me because I am nervous I will be constantly fighting back nausea and exhaustion, but I know I can do it. Luckily my amazing sister is coming with me. Jesus says, come to me Ye who are weary and burdened - I know you may all be looking at me going, come ON, you dont barely leave your house, how can you be weary --- and you're NOT burdened, you should be rejoicing! Believe me, I know these things, and they are truths that are certainly fact - but physical overwhelment and nausea and fatigue can just shut down all your normal, rational senses of who you should be.

But I know with Jesus I can conquer, and I will. Maybe this sounds dramatic, but it's where I am.

what a weird night of sleep

Last night I had another night where I fell asleep around 9:30 on the couch, and then proceeded to pick myself up around 11:00pm, and drag myself into bed. Brian came to bed around 2:00am, and I woke up again, tossed and turned, then went and slept down on the couch until about 8:30 this morning. This is SO not like me, I usually sleep 7 hours a night tops - sometimes I'm pushing 13 with this early pregnancy fatigue!

The good thing is, I woke up feeling a lot better than I have the previous mornings, just a slight bit of nausea and I think some real energy, so I hope I can be productive today, and really get a lot accomplished, since I have gotten pretty much Nada accomplished the last 3 days.

I have a wedding this Saturday at the Peek and I'm nervous about my energy level and inspiration. Its like my creativity has been sapped, and I'm very scared that my couples within my first trimester are going to suffer from my lack of creativity. I am going to try to go with many ideas so I don't have to think about much and just try to go on auto pilot with ideas I know will work well.

positive blood test results

I have received the confirmed positive from my blood test taken on Thursday. My PCP was so excited she opened the door and told the office I was pregnant! Over the last few days we've told some of our closest friends and family who we are in touch with the most so that they can pray for protection over this new and very tiny life.

I am already feeling symptoms, and considering I'm not even 6 weeks yet... this doesn't bode well. The doctor told me that the symptoms are a good sign, it means good hormones, so I'm trying to look at it as positive. The main ones are that I feel completely and utterly EXHAUSTED... I walk up a flight of stairs and feel like I want to go to bed. Honestly I'm surprised I did as well as I did in Italy because of the exhaustion I am feeling now! This one might be TMI for any men out there, but my breasts have been sore for 3 weeks and its only getting worse! I am definitely feeling more sensitive to smells, and overall I feel a general blah of nausea... not intolerable, but just annoying.

It is funny how soon you can really start to feel different! It is hard for me to not be stressing out over aches, pains and cramps that are relatively normal for me with my IBS condition - when you know there is a life growing inside you in the same general area, it causes me to worry a bit, or maybe not enough!

I told my grandpa yesterday, and we all are happy but cried a bit with sadness... wishing Grandma was still around, as we know this news would just thrill her to pieces. We miss her so much!

I am waiting for my appointment with Dr. Elizabeth Wise, one of the top OB/GYNs in the area recommended by my PCP, so I'll update when I know the date and what it will involve!