rough nights

This is sort of health, personal, worry post, so be fore-warned.

Friday & Saturday night as well as last week have been very very rough for me physically with my IBS and pregnancy. I've had a ton of pain, a ton of cramping, and some pretty severe attacks. Last week I got really weird with food again, not eating even close to as much as I have been... naseauted half-way through my meals and feeling not in the mood for anything. I thought at 16 weeks I'd be past that. Some of my cramping last week felt uterine as well, and some of it was higher in my stomach as well as lower in my intestines. At one point I had to leave a dinner with some friends because I was in so much pain.

If you could pray for me that the pain would decrease and my attacks would slow down. My doctor thought I'd be feeling better than this in a few weeks (at my last appt at 13 weeks) so I'm frustrated because I'm actually feeling worse. The pain can get to me really badly emotionally so I start to get fearful and worried again... and feeling that is almost worse than the pain. I am trying so hard to trust in God that he is protecting our child. I still need help with trust.

I haven't been able to determine yet if I'm feeling the baby move yet or if I'm just having so much intestinal distress. I thought at this point all that stuff would be pushed out of the way and I'd be able to clearly tell where the baby is and when it's moving. I feel a bit embarrassed when people touch my stomach right now, because its not really baby quite yet... I mean it is, but most of the time they're all just touching my fat belly. Ugh. And some ask me tons of questions like "how is baby lusky" because all I can say is... I assume totally fine but not quite sure :) The questions do get a bit exhausting. Maybe it's better if everyone reads the blog, then I don't have to field quite so many questions. LOL.

Anyway - appt on Tuesday at 17 weeks with the midwife so I always get excited and nervous about this, but mostly excited. Thanks for the prayers!

12 weeks/doc

Nothing major to report other than TON of intestinal distress from my IBS. It's been worse this week by far then anyother week I've come across yet. I actually went to my PCP (nurse practitioner since Dr. Brown wasn't available) to see if I could take any Bentyl - and she said its really not safe yet. I was bummed, but I also want to do what is best for the baby. I had a long talk with her where I cried a lot (what else is new) about fears something is wrong. She looked me in the eye and said - "Relax, Breathe, and enjoy this. This is the only pregnancy you'll have with this baby. It's out of your hands, and you are doing your best."

It was slightly condescending, but also re-assuring, if that makes sense. Ha! Anyway here's a 12 week belly shot, although it's really no different then last week. The doctor said its totally normal to not really be showing yet and not be much different and that the uterus isn't quite forward yet. This made me feel good.