update

Going on almost 13 weeks with baby #2 inside. Baby #1... Chloe... on the outside... she is something right now. I have been sooooo proud of her lately. Her bedtime has been going so much better as we found a way so that she would STOP getting out of her room. Call it a safety handle on the door knob. There have still been a lot of tears, but over the last few days, the tears have slowed way down. Right now she just rolled herself over onto her other pillow and tucked herself in. She's calling for me but not crying... maybe talking to her animals :) I know there will be bad nights again, but the improvement is remarkable.

Her new thing is repeating herself, over and over, and screaming. We are working on getting control of this. But most of the time she is CRACKING me up with her requests, things she makes up, says, etc. She's so much fun, but so draining... all at the same time.

I am really struggling personally. I am so far behind on my work I don't know how I'll ever catch up. I'm terrified about money next year because I don't want to work as much but we need even more money... always needing more money. I still don't feel settled in our new home, and that really depresses me. I hardly clean, have little motivation to do much of anything but sleep. I thought by 12 weeks I'd be feeling my energy coming back but this week it's been worse! Morning sickness has switched to afternoon funk/sleepy/sickness where I've starting napping during Chloe's nap which is a waste of precious time that I need to be working, taking care of the house.

My eating is out of control. I have constant post-nasal drip which makes me feel sick all the time. I cannot get ahold of myself. I feel like I should see a nutritionist who can make up an eating plan for me. I think step 1 is to get my Eating Clean book out again and start following it. It's not a DIET, it's just HEALTHFUL, wholesome eating, which is far from what I'm doing. I am doing a disservice to myself, my body, and my new baby. Sometimes I can't even get my prenatal vitamin down. I hardly move at all... zero activity other then chasing chloe around.

No more pity party for myself. I need to spring into action, as soon as possible.

Now... I must edit one of FOUR weddings I need to get done :(

energy returning? (crossing fingers)

Tuesday will be week 12 of this pregnancy, and I slowly have felt my energy returning. Most notably was yesterday's wedding. It was a ton of work, and I was on my feet most of the day and shot some really great pictures. Instead of almost on the verge of losing it the whole day, I felt like I COULD do this, and I was in control.... during the reception I was truly enjoying myself and not really very tired. This could have been partly because the couple was awesome - but in general it was definitely a noticeable energy and motivation increase from the weddings I did in July and even early August. I am praising God, and not as scared about the beginning of September then I was before!

I've been in awe looking at pictures of 11 week old babies (from illustrations and ultrasounds) This baby looks like a real baby now, other than a disproportionate head, and has fingers and toes and is just so awesome - already about 2-2.5 inches from crown to rump. Beautiful...

I've been struggling with some fear and worry again the last few days that I thought I had shaken, afraid I might not be growing enough, that I can't feel my uterus, that maybe the baby isn't growing or something is wrong. I know it's unhealthy. I'm trying to stop. I have my next appt Sept 2 so hopefully that check-up will alleviate my fears.