Chloe's Song by my cousin Paul

My cousin Paul wrote a beautiful song for Chloe, of course it brought me to tears. Wanted to share it here.

Chloe, though you’re wide awake
You’ve never seen this world
Chloe, though you’re wide awake
You have no fears at all

I hope you always stay that way
When you’re growing up
Whenever you’re feeling
Maybe things are stuck
Keep it in your heart
Then you’ll move around
I bet it won’t let you down

Chloe, though you’re wide awake
You’ve never seen this place
Chloe, so innocent and small
And so full of grace

I hope you always stay that way
When you’re growing up
Whenever you’re feeling
Maybe things are stuck
Keep it in your heart
Then you’ll move around
I bet it won’t let you down

To listen - click here. It's well worth it (in my opinion)

39 Weeks

The main word in my mind, vocabulary, thoughts, fears, and conversation is "when??" I am in such anticipation mode. Trying to calm down, trying to enjoy the last days/weeks of my pregnancy (who knows how long it will be). Trying not to have too many feelings of jealousy for some of my close friends around me who have already had their babies (including all the couples in my birthing class, I am now the last one!). God knows Chloe's birthday, and I am trying to remember that, enjoy her and remember she will never be easier to care for then she is right now.

It wouldn't be so bad but with my grandpa's funeral last week, I was just inundated with questions. Everyone wants to be involved and know, which I love in a lot of ways, and is hard in many other ways. I think because of all the questioning I feel more pressure then I would have otherwise!

39 Weeks

Your baby's waiting to greet the world! He continues to build a layer of fat to help control his body temperature after birth, but it's likely he already measures about 20 inches and weighs a bit over 7 pounds, a mini watermelon. (Boys tend to be slightly heavier than girls.) The outer layers of his skin are sloughing off as new skin forms underneath.

She will come when she's ready. I have an appointment tomorrow and hope to get some more ideas, information. Sonogram and non stress test too! So if she doesn't come tonight (which I'm not feeling anything telling me she will) I at least get to see her again :)

38 Weeks

My dear grandfather Koos passed away on Monday morning. He was at peace and resting comfortably. I really thought he might make it to meet Chloe... but it was not in God's timing. One life ends and another begins... it really is that way. I know he and my grandma are looking down on me. The funeral home is tomorrow from 3-8 at Duskas by church and then the funeral is thursday morning. I don't think it has really hit any of us or will until all that formality starts tomorrow and then is over next week, especially for his dear children (my mother, uncle, and aunt) who have been tirelessly caring for him for the last 10 months, and for my grandmother for the last year or two before that. Papa I will miss you so much. I wish I had had more conversations with you and we had known each other even better. You were incredible! You and grandma touched SO many lives its unbelievable! Give grandma hugs and kisses for me in heaven. I miss her so much.

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38 Weeks

Your baby has really plumped up, weighing close to seven pounds and measuring 20 inches long. (like a leek). She has a firm grasp, which you'll soon be able to test when you hold her hand for the first time! Her organs have matured and are ready for life outside the womb. Fetal development is nearly complete as your baby tends to a few last-minute details like shedding the skin-protecting vernix and lanugo. He's also producing more surfactant, a substance that prevents the air sacs in his lungs from sticking to one another once he starts to breathe.

Meanwhile, your body is tending to its own final touches before the big day, one of which is getting that milk machine up and running. For many women, the next couple of weeks are a waiting game. Use this time to prepare your baby's nursery or to take care of necessary tasks you may not get around to for a while after your baby's born. Take naps, catch up on your reading, and spend uninterrupted time with your partner while you can.

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wait wait wait. that is where my mind is. patience. enjoy it. take every day to the fullest. spend time in quiet rest now. pay attention to chloe and her movements. she is with you now. these are all things I tell myself.

Here is me, Chloe & my belly at 38 weeks. I kind of hope this is the last stomach shot I take! The big bump where my stomach really juts out at the top of the bump above the doorknob is her butt and feet. They are often shifting, coming out at weird angles and pushing. It is such an odd sensation and looks craaazy from up above. She is very strong and her body does things I don't understand! I am just along for the ride it seems :)

37.5 Week Appt & Sonogram... + Papa

We had an exciting appointment yesterday, got to see an ultrasound of Chloe where they 1) confirmed yes she is a girl! said 2) everything looked great and she passed with flying colors 3) estimated her weight around 7 lbs!!! That is so hard to believe, I have a full size infant inside me. She is right on track for almost 38 weeks at that weight. We then did a non stress test where we got to listen to around 30 solid minutes of her heart rate, and that was exciting and fun, especially when it would speed up and get louder when I would laugh, move around, etc. My mom got to come too and meet one of my midwives which I know was really great for her. We got to see just a small glimpse of Chloe's face which was just a heavenly moment for me. It was hard to make out but what I saw was so beautiful.

While doing the non stress test, we called over to my Papa's house, and they put the phone up to his ear so he could hear Chloe's heart beat... I got to tell him I loved him over the phone, and we were all crying. It was a precious moment, and unfortunately the most contact he might get to have with his great grand child. Things have turned on a dime so fast, they are already to the "we are just trying to keep him pain free and comfortable"-stage. They moved him into his hospital bed in his room for the duration of his days... not sure how much longer that will be, but we aren't sure if he'll make it through the weekend. This is all so crazy... the timing of it, the emotion of it, the sadness and joy all at the same time. I seriously am all over the place. I feel good, then numb, then freaked out and panicky, then I just cry and cry while bouncing on an exercise ball trying to prepare for my first child's birth.

I'm sorry for all the emotions in this post. It is an intense intense month. That's all I can say!

At this stage, it's pretty tough to make out really what is going on via sonogram pics because the baby is big, but this is Chloe's face though, sort of turned towards you - can see her nose, mouth and forehead. And by her mouth is her hand.

Here is her body, ribcage, heart, and head.

37 Weeks

This - is crazy - to see.... I've been watching this little chart since the beginning. I can't believe I'm already so close to the end of it. And yet it seems so far away too....


Congratulations — your baby is full term! This means that if your baby arrives now, his lungs should be fully mature and ready to adjust to life outside the womb, even though your due date is still three weeks away.

Your baby weighs 6 1/3 pounds and measures a bit over 19 inches, head to heel (like a stalk of Swiss chard(SWISS WHAT???). Many babies have a full head of hair at birth, with locks from 1/2 inch to 1 1/2 inches long. But don't be surprised if your baby's hair isn't the same color as yours. Dark-haired couples are sometimes thrown for a loop when their children come out as blonds or redheads, and fair-haired couples have been surprised by Elvis look-alikes. And then, of course, some babies sport only peach fuzz.

See what your baby looks like this week.

Crazy crazy times.

Yes, I'm very uncomfortable... yes I'm still in pain, and yes I'm getting giddy and excited, and yes I'm terrified at the same time. And all this is happening, preparing for this new life... and my grandpa is declining pretty quickly. We thought he might have more time then he does. We are just waiting on the Lord, trying to spend time with him - he is encouraged when his family is near him. Chloe was conceived the week after my grandmother died. If this all goes together like it looks like it might with Papa... I seriously will not know what to think. Pray for him and my family. It is looking to be an insane month!

anxious

It's probably not good that I'm already so anxious for Chloe's arrival. I'm SURE it will be at least 2 if not 3 more full weeks as she will most likely be born right around or after her actual due date of March 9. One of the girls from my birthing class had her baby yesterday and I am so jealous!!! I just am so scared but so excited at the same time. I want to meet her! Yet I want her to remain safe and cozy and healthy as long as she needs to. I need to start praying daily for her safety and for her delivery. I think I get so wrapped up in other things that I forget about this sometimes. I must must must put my faith and trust in the Lord at this point.

36 weeks & appt

36 Weeks!
Your baby is still packing on the pounds — at the rate of about an ounce a day. She now weighs almost 6 pounds (like a crenshaw melon) and is more than 18 1/2 inches long. She's shedding most of the downy covering of hair that covered her body as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that covered and protected her skin during her nine-month amniotic bath. Your baby swallows both of these substances, along with other secretions, resulting in a blackish mixture, called meconium, will form the contents of her first bowel movement.

At the end of this week, your baby will be considered full-term. (Full-term is 37 to 42 weeks; babies born before 37 weeks are pre-term and those born after 42 are post-term.) Most likely she's in a head-down position.
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Had an appt with my midwife today. They did the strep b swab and I'll find out about that. I had a sonogram of my upper abdominal organs last week - a few things were slightly enlarged but they thought it was pregnancy-related and nothing to worry about. My blood pressure was just a TINY bit high at the beginning of this appt, but by the end it was totally fine. Chloe was head down curled around with her back to my left and her feet somewhere in the right of my abdomen. So cute... I love how professionals can tell where the baby is and can feel the different portions!

I also got some awesome news - my midwives want to do a sonogram/biophysical profile and non-stress-test on me at my next appt becuase of my asthma. They aren't worried, they just want to make sure things are on track. And Peggy said "I just am curious about how much this little girl weighs!" SO AM I! And the thing is I didn't even ask. So, I'm kind of glad I had asthma cuz I get an extra sono. is that terrible to say? probably. I'm literally giddy right now at the thought of seeing any of my baby again - even if it's just a foot. It's been so long!!!

Symptom wise, pain is the same in my abdomen/ribs - pretty rough at times, still have avoided taking the pain medication. I feel like a whale and I almost fell over at the doctor's today getting off the scale (which I for ONCE didn't GAIN any weight in a week which was good cuz I've been packing on the pounds). I am having some slightly painful twinges in my pelvis which is normal, bladder is crazy crazy as usual, joints are loosening and I still think I'm getting some Braxton Hicks contractions, occasionally. Brian couldn't make it to this appt but I think it was a-ok. My mom wasnts to come to the next one to meet my midwives. haha.

I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE SO CLOSE!!!

34 Weeks

How your baby's growing:

Your baby now weighs about 4 3/4 pounds (like your average cantaloupe) and is almost 18 inches long. Her fat layers — which will help regulate her body temperature once she's born — are filling her out, making her rounder. Her skin is also smoother than ever. Her central nervous system is maturing and her lungs are continuing to mature as well. If you've been nervous about preterm labor, you'll be happy to know that babies born between 34 and 37 weeks who have no other health problems generally do fine. They may need a short stay in the neonatal nursery and may have a few short-term health issues, but in the long run, they usually do as well as full-term babies.

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Update on me:

• I've been feeling very energetic and "nesty" in the mornings, and by the evenings completely exhausted and in need of laying down.
• I've been getting a lot of cleaning/organization type household stuff done, but am still having little to no motivation to finish up the few business tasks I have left to check off my list (taxes, burning photos to dvds, new terabyte storage drives to format, clearing memory cards, invoicing my last client, getting settled into gigbooks)
• We have Chloe's playpen set up in the dining room, makes it all seem very real!
• I am still having upper abdominal tension, stretching and rib pain, but I think I'm just learning to cope with it
• I've been sitting on the exercise ball a lot. Good for the body, giving baby enough room to be in the head down position, and good for my core to prepare for birth. I roll off it sometimes though :-)
• We are enjoying our childbirth class with Carol Peterson. I've learned SO much about childbirth that I never knew. I'm so excited that I have a midwife who will subscribe much more to the philosophies I'm learning at my delivery. Carol is also a doula, and it would be really nice to have her or another doula at my delivery, but unfortunately it is a bit costly for us and we are pinching every penny at this point so it's not in the cards.
• I'm starting to wonder how the cats are going to do with the new addition to our family... all we can do is try to prepare them a little. I think in general they will be ok. They are very curious kitties and they think the whole house belongs to them so that will be a shift, but I'm going to trust it's going to be ok.
• I noticed my first stretch mark on my tummy yesterday and it's getting bigger. eek.
• I am getting so excited to hold my baby!!!
• We had an awesome photo shoot with Danielle. I posted my favorite pictures on facebook, and I will post some here soon, too.
  

robe/nightie

I really want this robe/nightgown ... and not sure whether I can get it though. Either way I can't get it until February. Every purchase we make these days has to be weighed carefully. its so weird. not bad, we are totally blessed. just weird.

And... we are going to need so many more diapers. It's insane!

Chloe Grace

(pics by Mindy Jobczynski :))

Well, it's pretty much out everywhere now after my baby shower this week displayed it proudly on cupcakes, embroidered on a blanket, and written in a book! We decided to name our coming-very-soon daughter Chloe Grace for 4 reasons. 1) we loved the name Chloe and liked it's meaning "Blooming," and that a Chloe who housed some disciples was mentioned in the Bible (1 Cor. 1:11) 2) It was the only one we really liked that we could totally 100% agree on, 3) Grace is after my grandmother on my father's side who passed away this year, and it is also my sister's middle name - and let's face it - always beautiful and always a quality you hope for a young girl to have! 4) I felt Chloe Grace was a name that beautiful and young for a baby, cool for a teen, yet also traditional and can grow with her well and wasn't too little-girly forever! It's certainly a popular name in the US right now, but in my circle not used very often.

So.... Chloe Grace ... blooming grace.... really liked that idea.

Hopefully our sonographer was right, and we are truly having a girl - because we are drowning in pink from our amazing shower this weekend. I hope to post more pictures soon when amazing Danielle gets a chance to get them all downloaded (she generously snapped away for me so I could enjoy the memories!) My mother, sister, aunt, friends and mother-in-law went over and above in making this shower (and the Maryland one) unbelievable and beautiful. I'll talk more about it in detail when I have photographic support :)

We were so blessed by all of the generosity - were able to purchase all of the remaining large items (playpen, breastpump, highchair) with gift cards and cash gifts we were given as well as a few returns on duplicate items ... and we received our car seat, big stroller, bouncer entertainer/exerciser, baby sensor/monitor, diaper bag, and activity mat at the shower plus tons and tons and tons of blankets, towels, washcloths, toys, etc. I also got 2 beautiful handmade gifts, a blanket and a little pillow. At my Maryland shower I also was blessed with bottles, washcloths, the toddler car seat, some stuffed animals, and tons of other goodies. I don't know what we would have done without all the help, not to mention the awesome friend who's been giving me all her baby clothes and stuff (including a co-sleeper) since I was basically 10 weeks pregnant.

It feels so selfish and so frivolous to be showered with all this love and "stuff" with the tragedies going on in Haiti and so many other mothers who need so much. I certainly have a surplus so I hope I can give what I don't need to those who do in some capacity. I want to give to my friends too but most of them are having boys and all I have is extra pink :-)

Either way, Chloe, I am just getting so desperate to meet you - I can't wait.

33 Weeks

This week your baby weighs a little over 4 pounds (heft a pineapple) and has passed the 17-inch mark. He's rapidly losing that wrinkled, alien look and his skeleton is hardening. The bones in his skull aren't fused together, which allows them to move and slightly overlap, thus making it easier for him to fit through the birth canal. (The pressure on the head during birth is so intense that many babies are born with a conehead-like appearance.) These bones don't entirely fuse until early adulthood, so they can grow as his brain and other tissue expands during infancy and childhood.

At this stage in fetal development, your baby could grow a full inch more this week alone — especially if he or she has been on the shorter side. Weight gain can range from a third more growth to a full doubling before the big debut.

The level of amniotic fluid in your uterus has reached its maximum at 33 weeks pregnant, making it likely that you have more baby than fluid now. That's one reason why you're probably feeling lots of nudges and pushes — there's less liquid to cushion the blows. (Of course that means you're even closer to your baby now!)

If your uterine walls had eyes, here's what you'd see: your fetus acting more and more like a baby, with his or her eyes closing during sleep and opening while awake. And because those uterine walls are becoming thinner, more light penetrates the womb, helping your baby differentiate between day and night (now if only baby can remember that difference on the outside!).

And good news! Your baby has reached an important milestone about now: The development of his or her own immune system that (along with antibodies from you) will be able to provide protection from mild infections.

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Quick me update: Still having upper nerve/abdomen pain, lots of groin pain, and I think I'm starting to waddle. I'm having at least one Braxton Hicks contraction a day, I believe! It's crazy. I'm tracking her kicks daily using this kick counter. Lot of interesting movements of limbs inside me. Still having trouble determining sometimes what body parts are what. Can't wait to see her face!

32 Weeks

THIRTY TWO WEEKS FOR REAL.

By now, your baby weighs 3.75 pounds (pick up a large jicama) (a large j-WHATMA??) and is about 16.7-19 inches long total, taking up a lot of space in your uterus. You're gaining about a pound a week and roughly half of that goes right to your baby. In fact, she'll gain a third to half of her birth weight during the next 7 weeks as she fattens up for survival outside the womb. She now has toenails, fingernails, and real hair (or at least respectable peach fuzz). Her skin is becoming soft and smooth as she plumps up in preparation for birth.

You may be feeling strengthening Braxton Hicks contractions which are just your body's way of prepping for the real deal. I've definitely felt a few of these!

If only we were all as skinny as the babycenter illustration lady.

intercostal neuritis

That is my diagnosis of all the upper abdominal/chest pain that I have been having for over 2 months. The burning, stretching, tingling, screaming pain that is now preventing me from doing things, sitting for long, standing for long, stretching to high, basically anything and everything. The midwife/chiropractor believes it is a compressed or pinched nerve in the area between the ribs, caused by out of place ribs and causing all the radiating pain. Truthfully, there's not that much information about it on the internet, so I'm not sure it's very common problem

I'm getting chiropractic care now - but I'm not convinced it's the whole problem because the pain seems more central and close to my skin. And after 3 treatments I'm seeing no improvement. In fact Sunday was the worst day I've ever had and I almost couldn't sing the second set of songs at 11:00. I don't know. It's too late for any sort of nerve block injections or anything like that because baby is too high up. Sometimes her little feet hit me in the area of the pain - which doesn't make it any better or worse. I try ice occasionally and it feels good while on it but doesn't last long. I can't take any anti-inflammatory meds like ibuprofen during pregnancy.

Anyway ... there's an update for anyone who might be interested. If you could lift up some prayer for me, I would really appreciate it. It's very frustrating and overwhelming to feel so helpless and in pain so often. I know my baby is worth it and I will of course persevere but I would love some relief from this! And at least knowing that it will go away once the baby is born, that would be some good knowledge too - but you never know... with these things there is no guarantee!

31 Weeks

31 Weeks:

This week, your baby measures over 16 inches long. She weighs about 3.3 pounds (try carrying four navel oranges) and is heading into a growth spurt. She can turn her head from side to side, and her arms, legs, and body are beginning to plump out as needed fat accumulates underneath his skin. She's probably moving a lot, too, so you may have trouble sleeping because your baby's kicks and somersaults keep you up. She's making faces, hiccupping, swallowing, breathing, pedaling with little hands and feet along your uterine wall, and even sucking his or her thumb. Take comfort: All this moving is a sign that your baby is active and healthy.

Your baby's brain is working overtime these days, developing faster than ever. Connections between individual nerve cells are growing at a frenetic clip, and your baby can now perceive information from all five senses. Sure, your baby can't smell anything right now, but that's only because he or she is still submerged in amniotic fluid and needs to be breathing air to get a whiff of anything. Lucky for you — and your baby — yours will be one of the very first scents your baby breathes in, a scent that will quickly become his or her very favorite.

Making faces, hiccupping, swallowing, breathing, pedaling with little hands and feet along your uterine wall, and even sucking his or her thumb. In fact, some babies suck their thumbs so vigorously while in the womb that they're born with a callus on their thumb.

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I can't believe I totally skipped taking a picture and writing a post at 30 weeks. With Christmas/New Years and traveling, I got totally thrown off. 30 weeks was definitely a milestone mentally and baby wise for me. Getting into the 30s makes me feel so far, and so close to meeting our child. I can't believe we are potentially less then 2 short months away from bringing a daughter into the world - not just a baby, but a new life.

The last few weeks have been full of new movements, sensations, and a feeling of being huge and carrying the baby much higher. She has the hiccups sometimes 4x a day... it's so cool now that I recognize it. I am having trouble sleeping now-a-days because the movements are sometimes so strong in the middle of the night that I can't ignore them the way I was a month or so ago. I am knocking my belly into things and having trouble getting up, bending over, and moving quickly or for long periods of time. The pain in my upper abdomen persists, going on over 2 months now. It is worse if anything, and is probably a near-constant part of my day. It happens if I sit too long, lay wrong, or walk around and am on my feet too long. Soooo basically all the time. I feel frustrated like I can't do much anymore. That, in combination with increased groin pain (ligaments loosening) and the baby's movements being much stronger and more forceful now - less bouncy and more like actual limbs, bones, and muscle hitting me in the organs and pushing on my ribs and lungs and side and bladder can be quite uncomfortable all at once. Sometimes I feel full body rolls. Sometimes I'm sure I can feel her little butt or back high up near my ribs, sometimes I'm not sure if it's her head or feet.

If it sounds painful, I will say that for me it is. I don't think all women experience everything the same way, but I can tell the next 8-10 weeks are going to be pretty rough on me. I am praying for God's strength to bear it patiently and with anticipation and not too much frustration or complaining. I do plan on talking to the midwife on Wednesday about all my symptoms. It is so weird to be in pain and totally uncomfortable, and yet amazed and in awe and enjoying it all at the same time.

I can't pretend I am without worry. I do very well sometimes, and put my faith in God, and other times fears take hold of me and I literally feel physically panicked about things going wrong, or my delivery being impossible and unbearably painful. We started our childbirth class and I think understanding and education is going to be really valuable for me. I need to remember my body was made to do this and that I can!

A glider!!

Brian is so flippin sweet, and always manages to surprise me with SOMETHING at Christmas time. We agreed we weren't getting each other any presents for Christmas - money is tight, and any money we have, we want to put towards baby stuff we needed. We wanted to get the a nice glider/ottoman combo for the nursery, but had put it aside because we didn't think we could afford it. Well, we put some Christmas money we were given back into our budget and walah - a beautiful brand new glider, that matches the nursery furniture so perfectly I want to scream. And he even got it on sale which makes it so much better. He got it home in his car and put it together in an hour so that I could see it. He led me up and played Christmas music in the room and put bows on it. So so adorable.

I also got myself this ring for $13 to replace my wedding rings which have a lot of welding and extra fitting on them that are getting too tight for me. It's fakey but I love it.

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The 3-4 hour glucose test went "eh" this morning. It definitely wasn't fun, but I just hope my results are normal. I got a bit weak about halfway through but it's over now. I just have very bruised up arms from the 4 blood draws. Thank the Lord for my cell phone, twitter and 3G networks. I don't know what I would have done without it! haha.

1 hour glucose screening

Looks like I just barely failed my 1 hour glucose test for gestational diabetes. They said the cut off is 130 and I came in right at 130. :( So I have to go back for the 3 hour test mon morning next week.

i'm sad and i feel like its my fault somehow. :(

26 weeks, belly shot, crib

26 weeks

Your baby is inhaling and exhaling small amounts of amniotic fluid, which is essential for the development of her lungs. These so-called breathing movements are also good practice for when she's born and takes that first gulp of air. And she's continuing to put on baby fat. He now weighs about a pound and two-thirds and measures 14-15 inches (an English hothouse cucumber) from head to heel. Most babies this age, yours included, still like to snuggle in a slightly curled position inside the uterus (thus the term "fetal position"). And at just over two pounds, she has doubled in weight from four weeks ago.

The network of nerves in your baby's ears is better developed and more sensitive than before. She may now be able to hear both your voice and your partner's as you chat with each other. And even though the sounds your baby hears are muffled (thanks to the creamy coating of vernix covering those ears), she may recognize both yours and your partner's voices. So this might be a good time to read and even sing to your baby (or rather, your belly). Also, your baby's taste buds are very developed now too (with more taste buds than he or she will ever have outside the womb, actually).

I also read somewhere that this week and last week the baby's limbs were growing to almost their birth length. This makes sense becuase I have been truly feeling more movement that is stretching out, and reaching higher then ever before. I was in shock today on the drive home feeling sensations almost 3-4 inches above my belly button, you can tell she is stretching out and pushing in new ways! It's crazyyyyyyyy (and a little uncomfortable). I'm still having the under-the-bra, across the muscle of my rib cage pain. Not sure what to do about it.

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I have been slacking on the belly pictures because the last 3 weeks (excluding Thanksgiving) have been some of the craziest of my life, trying to get caught up from all the fall weddings. I couldn't get it all quite done, I'm only one person, but I hope to get a lot more finished this week! November was super productive and for that I am happy. ANYWAY... that being said.

This picture was taken on Thanksgiving at 25+ weeks. Brian took it :)

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We also picked out and ordered our crib/changing table, our Christmas gift from Beth & Paul (brian's parents). We are so so so thankful for everyone helping us out with all these expenses and things we need. We are so blessed! We decided to go sans dropside, and I'm glad because I'm hearing about all kinds of recalls and proposed bans on drop-side cribs lately. I think they are pulling millions of them from the market, so we decided on the sturdy non-drop side instead. Our crib is not a luxury crib by any means, it was one of the most affordable ones we could find. But I liked the style, simple, slightly traditional, and white.

Graco Lauren, in White. It is convertible but it's so affordable that if we don't get to it, I'm not worried about it! I wanted the changing table to match too because we already have a few different wood colors going on in that bedroom, and all the molding in the room is white.

emotional breaks & maybe a name?

I had an emotional/hormonal breakdown of some sort today for no reason at all except the stress of playing a board game. I have no idea what came over me, I could feel it building and I just LOST it. Anyway once I got away from everyone and cried for a bit I felt better but I still feel like I'm teetering on the edge of something. Maybe stressful board games with too much competition aren't in my near future for a little while. lol.

Course that wasn't the first one... on our drive to Maryland, I was checking in on people's facebooks, as I do, and I saw that I had been "un-friended" by someone. I was so upset and confused I cried. OVER FACEBOOK. It turns out it was a total fluke and the person did not un-friend me on purpose, but you can see where I am at emotionally/relationally. Oh Lord, dear Lord... please give Brian strength to deal with me. He has 14.5 more weeks of me like this. Ok, you know I'm going to be a mess after the baby is born too (hopefully a joyful mess)...so maybe longer ;)

For the last 5 days I've been dealing with some very very weird, slightly burning, slightly feeling like muscle strain and odd pains near my rib cage, under my bra line and stretching down an inch or two. They are mainly concentrated on the left hand side. I can't figure them out and they are irritated when 1) i sit too long in certain positions, or 2) I walk around too much, holding any weight at all (like my purse, etc). I'm not sure what is going on. I thought it could be related to dehydration, so I'm trying to drink fluids as much as I can, but I'm sure I could up that a bit. It sounds silly, but pray for me because it is really painful and getting in the way of a lot... I feel very weak and ridiculous cuz I can't do as much and have to stop doing things due to the exhaustion and discomfort of the pain.

We have been going back and forth on some names for a while. I am someone who has no problem getting these things picked out ahead of time, and I always envisioned we would know the babys name the second I found out the sex, but it has been so much harder then I imagined. Yesterday I ran across one I've seen a hundred times, but it hit me anew, and it is one I think Brian and I both like equally. The meaning is beautiful too. We'll see. It's simple and sweet. But, maybe I'll just keep them all bouncing in my head until I see that little face... it could go either way at this point!

Have a few pics from Thanksgiving to post - hopefully I can in a few days when I get home. I thought December was going to slow down big time with work, but the first week is still looking INTENSE. I'm dreading/grateful for the work.

sharing pregnancy

It is so cool to have friends around you who are also pregnant. I have my dear Kristin who I used to work with, my photog buddy Penny, blogging friend & once-modeled-for-me Brooke, and also some amazing girls in my small group. We are all between 5-6 weeks away from each other, it's so cute! I pray for all our babies to be healthy!! If Kristin was in this picture she'd be in between me and Megan, and Penny in between them. Brooke would be between me and Christie :)

Megan is almost 30 weeks, I'm almost 25, and Christie is almost 19! So far I'm the only one that knows the sex of my baby (girl), Megan is keeping it a surprise and Christie finds out in 2 weeks! Woo! Oh and of those not pictured, Brooke is having a boy, Penny is having a boy, and Kristin is having a girl!

24 weeks (6 months!)

I am in awe. We prayed for our baby girl last night for protection, for her health, and for me to continue to carry the baby to term. We prayed we would be good examples of Christ's love, and that she would grow to know and love the Lord early in life. It is so weird thinking about that, but a lot of that is up to us. We want to do it right. Sometimes, I can't wait to meet her, and other times, I feel like I already know her from her kicks and punches and bounces in my stomach. She's starting to respond to sounds, our voices sometimes - if we are quietly talking at night and that's all the noise there is, she often kicks a lot! It's so cute.

24 weeks:

Your baby's growing steadily, having gained about 4 ounces since last week. That puts him at just over a pound. (Some books are telling me 1.5 lbs) Since he's almost a foot long (picture an ear of corn), he cuts a pretty lean figure at this point, but his body is filling out proportionally and he'll soon start to plump up. His brain is also growing quickly now, and his taste buds are continuing to develop. His lungs are developing "branches" of the respiratory "tree" as well as cells that produce surfactant, a substance that will help his air sacs inflate once he hits the outside world. His skin is still thin and translucent, but that will start to change soon. In the past few weeks, the top of your uterus has risen above your belly button and is now about the size of a soccer ball.

Wondering what (and who) your baby will look like? If you had a baby cam at 24 weeks pregnant, you'd almost be able to tell by now. That beautiful face (though still tiny) is almost fully formed. What's still missing from the picture is the fat that will be piled on under baby's skin. Until those fat deposits are made, that very tender skin is still very transparent, which means a close look would let you see clear through to all the organs, bones, and blood vessels. Fortunately, that see-through look won't last much longer. Babies at this stage of fetal development are gaining about six ounces each week — with much of that gain coming from fat, in addition to growing organs, bones, and muscle.

What's been playing on your little rocker's stereo system these days? All kinds of sounds can be heard by your baby in your womb: from air exhaling from your lungs (deep breath now), those gastric gurgles produced by your stomach and intestines, your voice and your partner's (which your baby will be able to recognize at birth), and even very loud sounds such as honking horns, barking dogs, or a wailing fire truck.