update

Going on almost 13 weeks with baby #2 inside. Baby #1... Chloe... on the outside... she is something right now. I have been sooooo proud of her lately. Her bedtime has been going so much better as we found a way so that she would STOP getting out of her room. Call it a safety handle on the door knob. There have still been a lot of tears, but over the last few days, the tears have slowed way down. Right now she just rolled herself over onto her other pillow and tucked herself in. She's calling for me but not crying... maybe talking to her animals :) I know there will be bad nights again, but the improvement is remarkable.

Her new thing is repeating herself, over and over, and screaming. We are working on getting control of this. But most of the time she is CRACKING me up with her requests, things she makes up, says, etc. She's so much fun, but so draining... all at the same time.

I am really struggling personally. I am so far behind on my work I don't know how I'll ever catch up. I'm terrified about money next year because I don't want to work as much but we need even more money... always needing more money. I still don't feel settled in our new home, and that really depresses me. I hardly clean, have little motivation to do much of anything but sleep. I thought by 12 weeks I'd be feeling my energy coming back but this week it's been worse! Morning sickness has switched to afternoon funk/sleepy/sickness where I've starting napping during Chloe's nap which is a waste of precious time that I need to be working, taking care of the house.

My eating is out of control. I have constant post-nasal drip which makes me feel sick all the time. I cannot get ahold of myself. I feel like I should see a nutritionist who can make up an eating plan for me. I think step 1 is to get my Eating Clean book out again and start following it. It's not a DIET, it's just HEALTHFUL, wholesome eating, which is far from what I'm doing. I am doing a disservice to myself, my body, and my new baby. Sometimes I can't even get my prenatal vitamin down. I hardly move at all... zero activity other then chasing chloe around.

No more pity party for myself. I need to spring into action, as soon as possible.

Now... I must edit one of FOUR weddings I need to get done :(

heartbeat

Had my first physical exam today - relatively uneventful although rather uncomfortable (didn't think I'd have to get a PAP while pregnant). But I did get to hear the baby's tiny heartbeat faintly behind mine. I was so excited because the midwife said she can't always detect it this early, but she likes to try, and she was very persistent until she found it, and seemed as excited as me! :-) Even though I'd already seen it on the ultrasound last week, it was still fantastic and made me smile. Another appt at 13 weeks (a month from now) and Brian will get to hear it too.

Other than that, things have been good. I feel a bit of my energy coming back. I am still queasy in the mornings, but days like today are good, I feel like I can go out and do things and even do dishes and vacuum. I'm glad and hopeful that I'm coming out of the worst of the nausea and symptoms.

Brian and I looked at baby names - top 200 from 2005 yesterday in a book I had. It was interesting how many we DIDN'T like or couldn't even consider, some that we loved but close friends had already taken (like Eli, Mason, Caleb, etc. ;-) Girlwise I think we are less picky and have more choices. Who knows though!

Anyway - that's it for today. Leave me a comment if you even read this!

first appt

Had my first appointment at Erie Women's Health Partners. It was good, although simple, I just met with a nurse Stephanie and went over my health history, meds, possible due date, etc., but she was so sweet and understanding - she let me cry and talk and I think we talked for between 45-60 minutes! Thats a good start.

MY first appt and sonogram is scheduled for August 5th at 1:20 - I AM SO EXCITED!!

Nausea was a bit rough today at points, I'm going to try to mentally rise above it tomorrow, as I am shooting an important wedding!! Come ooonnnn energy!

every blessing

Approximately 7 weeks today, the baby is the size of a blueberry (aw) and hands and feet are emerging from developing arms and legs!!!!

The line "Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise" is really COOL if you think about it.... isn't it? I sang it yesterday at church and was just really struck by it... and what that actually means!

The wedding went really well on Saturday, for me physically at least, and my sis was a champion assistant. She was awesome there during the most critical parts! The ceremony itself was a bit of a nightmare because the sun was going in and out every 30 seconds which is very sucky, you have to keep changing your settings!! But I found that if I get myself up, keep moving and try to live as normally as possible, it's much easier to keep your head above the sickness and feel better. I am thankful for this and knowing I can fight it, and live semi-normally and be joyful and excited without being distracted by nausea! At least sometimes. I was able to eat normally at the wedding and that was fantastic!

At church, I was talking to a few different people, getting some opinions on midwives vs. OB/GYN practices, and I'm feeling like I might want to go a different route than how I'm currently scheduled. I'm going to call my PCP tomorrow to try to talk through my options a bit more, because this is all so new to me! There's a lot to think about!

today is a wedding day

I am scared to think that every Saturday is going to be like this until September, around when I enter my second trimester. I pray it lifts sooner. I feel not as bad as some mornings, but I know its just because I am using my will power to hold off the debilitating nausea and fatigue that wants to overtake me. But today, it is not an option. I MUST be out the door by 12:45 pm today to go shoot a wedding for the rest of the day at the Peak.

I am scared my clients won't get my best work from me because I am nervous I will be constantly fighting back nausea and exhaustion, but I know I can do it. Luckily my amazing sister is coming with me. Jesus says, come to me Ye who are weary and burdened - I know you may all be looking at me going, come ON, you dont barely leave your house, how can you be weary --- and you're NOT burdened, you should be rejoicing! Believe me, I know these things, and they are truths that are certainly fact - but physical overwhelment and nausea and fatigue can just shut down all your normal, rational senses of who you should be.

But I know with Jesus I can conquer, and I will. Maybe this sounds dramatic, but it's where I am.