SOOOO not been good at blogging lately

I have so much to catch you all up on and get recorded here, but I just can't seem to find the time to get blogging. Luckily I took some adorable pictures of chloe in her Easter dress and they are begging to be shared, so I hope to get those up today. Stay tuned!!

In other news, at 13.5 months, chloe is hilarious. We are adoring this stage. She is zooming around and walking like a champ. Oh yes, she tumbles a lot, but she gets right back up and keeps going. She makes funny faces at me and giggles a lot. She kNOWS what she wants.

And this girl... this girl LOVES music. I often catch her saying "no, no, doh, doh" in a sing-song voice to herself. If we sing to her, she doesn't want it to stop. She does her little back & forth sway with her shoulders/hand to let us know "KEEP THE MUSIC GOING PLEASE!" She even figured out how to turn up the volume of the music at my parents house and she started dancing with pride! Brian and I do sing to her a lot, but being as musical as we are, I actually thought we'd play more, do more songs with her, etc. She still has gotten the music bug though. I love it!

So far... this is my favorite stage she's been in... i think. I mean, I love them all... but I dunno. I just LOVE HER!!!!

8 MONTHS!!!

I have no pictures tonight, but wanted to just quickly put out there chloe's stats.

She has been sick with a cold/sinus/thing and it's been very hard. But when she is awake and not miserable, she's been soooo happy and mobile, developing leaps and bounds! We took her to the doctor last week and she was 21 lbs and 4 oz.

Some new talents:

- eating gerber puffs, some finger foods, and starting to be able to feed herself a little bit

- usually can hold her own bottle and sippy cup pretty well!

- starting to cruise along the furniture when standing with support, she is pulling herself up on everything, which is making for lots more tumbles these days.

- crawling, fast, and like a pro!

- she has FINALLY started babbling like all "the books" say she should, especially in the last 3 days. She used to only say "aaaaaaah... pbttttt" (that's ahhh, with a raspberry blown at the end) but now we're hearing:

"aaaaahbabab baa mamaga, wau wuh wuh duhduh"

(etc., you get it, consanent sounds).

- we bought a bigger car seat (halfway thanks to my Aunt Mary, she is the best) because she is quickly growing out of her infant carrier!

- Oh and also - she is getting 3 more teeth up top!! They are looking pretty in charge up there. haha.

It is SOOOO cute! I have a feeling that pretty soon we aren't going to be able to shut her up!

bumps & bruises

Over the last few weeks, Chloe has begun taking the first of what everyone tells me, many, tumbles. Before we left for Myrtle Beach, I was packing the suitcase on the bed, and Chloe was up there with me. She is now a rolling pro, but I still didn't think she could roll THAT fast. I did what every book tells you not to do, and the thing I rarely EVER do, I walked out of the room while she was on the bed, in the middle surrounded by quilts. Just outside the room after about 10 seconds, I heard the most sickening thud. Then the worst crying and screaming I'd heard from Chloe yet. My heart went from my chest to my toes and I was awash with adrenaline. I ran in to swoop her up, calmly looked her over for injuries and felt her head, then held and comforted her. I quietly took her downstairs while saying "it's ok, I love you, I'm so sorry" and put her in her carseat, almost forgetting her binky, and put her in the car with shaking arms and drove her to the ER. She ended up being completely and totally fine - not even a bump on her! But it was very scary and I felt completely responsible and like a TERRIBLE mother and horribly irresponsible. I now know that this little baby is so fast, and doesn't know her own strength and speed.

On Sunday, when I was walking into church with Chloe on one hip and two bags on the other shoulder, I somehow (still don't really get it) tripped over the curp and fell down on the cement. I honestly don't know how I landed, I just know my body tried to protect Chloe from the fall somehow but she still did bump her head and got a small bruise above her eye. There were many people around which was good and bad. I thrust her into some amazing and helpful man's arms so I could get up (I stil don't know who it was but I want to thank him) and then a variety of people swarmed around me to see if she was ok. I was humiliated and felt horrible and was so scared about how bad that could have been. I believe I definitely took the brunt of that fall, I have a really bad scab and bruise on my elbow and knee and some brushburn on my hand. It really could have been so much worse.

The thought of Chloe getting hurt and me being responsible or not able to protect her is a tough one to deal with, but things will happen despite my best intentions. I have never known love like the love I have for my daughter. Everyone says it, but it is different, it is powerful. Marital and romantic love is beautiful and amazing, but different. I can't explain the need and urge to protect Chloe. It started while she was inside me and I was terrified of doing anything to harm her then.

My little Chlo-bear... she is my angel.

"healthy attachment"

As Brian says. Chloe is DEFINITELY developing some attachment/separation issues with me. It's at the point now where she's playing, I leave the room and she whines. Sometimes she'll stop after a minute or two cuz she forgets about me, but sometimes it erupts into full-blown crying fits. She is still such a great baby though... she did quite well on our vacation (hope to post pictures of that at some point but we'll see)



She now clings to us when we pick her up... she wraps her little arms around our necks. It is darling and heart-melting.

I think this separation issues are going to be both a blessing and a curse!

I shot a wedding today and I missed her so much. It makes me scared if something were to ever happen to her... how awful it would be to never hold her again. She is so precious to me, the love I have for her is unbelievably big. It's just soooo different then anything else.

day-to-day

This is just gonna be a random mind dump about chloe's day-to-day. I just wanted to get it all out and it was easier to type here then write all out in her baby book. i kind of wish I had a baby site instead of physical baby book but I guess you can't pass that on as much.

Chloe generally sleeps now from anywhere between 10-12 hours a night. It's truly incredible that I have such a great sleeper! She will get tired and cranky around 7:00 pm ...sometimes later. Most of the time at night she gets a bottle or nursing and it puts her right to sleep where we place her in her crib and she stays down! Occasionally she'll wake up around 4ish in the morning which is a bit tough, but I can handle it. I nurse a bit until she falls back asleep, but sometimes she wants to stay awake. we try to be firm that night time is sleep time! Sometimes at this point if she won't go down, Brian will help with his magic touch to get her to go back to sleep :)

When she wakes up in the morning she is usually so cute and happy - smiling and laughing and talking to herself in her crib. One of my favorite things is walking into her room in the morning and seeing her little smiling face. She gets so excited to see us first thing!! We change her diaper and then I usually nurse her for her "breakfast". Sometimes we bring her to bed with us - we are so lucky that we have a little time in the a.m. to spend together some mornings. She is just such a doll in the a.m.!

The rest of the day is spent in various periods of eating, playing, practicing rolling around, smiling, crying and yelling and talking loud. I am still really enjoying breast-feeding chloe - although she has bit me a few times. I really wasn't sure if I'd make it to 6 months, but because I also supplement with a little formula, the demand on me isn't so great and it is truly just a beautiful experience now. It is always available in the wee morning hours, when she is too sad or upset, etc. and can't be comforted by anything else and also sometimes to get her to sleep. I just love it so much - I look at her and just adore her all the time but nursing can be a special time for us! Even bottle feeding is awesome too. She has also tried various fruits & veggies - carrots, squash, sweet potatoes, pears, applesauce, and oatmeal cereal. I've also tried fresh bananas and avacado and she's done great with them. She is an EATER!!

She is rolling and rolling and rolling. She creeps and almost crawls at certain times, but generally she just pushes herself backwards a lot and mainly rolls from place to place. Yesterday she pushed up on her hands & knees and got her chest/stomach off the floor. It was awesome! We are so proud of her.

She doesn't 'giggle' that much... however she does vocalize all the time. But when we can get her to giggle it's the best sound ever!! When she cries she often makes consanent sounds like "mamamaoammmaaaaamaaaaaa" or "baaababaaaaabaaa" and also sometimes when she's awake and happy too, but we're waiting on a litlte more of that. Her cries often go from whines to yells in an instant. it's quite interesting. I think she might be a bit of a whiner...we'll see.

She's super sweet and gives big wet sloppy kisses on my face. I adore it!

She's almost SIX MONTHS OLD!!

chloe is 5 months

It is seriously so hard for me to keep up with this blog anymore. I honestly don'tk now how regular bloggers do it. I think because I am a photographer and deal with hundreds of photos everyday, I get sooo overwhelmed by my own personal ones that I just don't have to pick the best, fix them, get them up on the blog, etc. Well... here's a shot. We'll see if this will take me like all day to get finished. Excuse that half of these photos are iphone pics, but it is my main-day-to-day-capture-the-moment camera. I love my iPhone. (despite the fact that since the OS4 update it runs like crap)

At 5 months, Chloe is:

Wearing her lightening hair in cute new ways



Trying on cute dresses that she got as gifts before she grows out of them



Riding on a boat! (just once, but it was fun!)



Rolling over all the time from back to tummy, but still can't quite get the other way (even though that was the first way she rolled over weeks ago)



She's spending lots more time outside with her friends & family






Still sleeping very well through the night, waking up sometimes... and taking pretty regular (short) naps about every 2-3 hours. Usually you are tired and cranky by 7:00pm!



Trying to sit up oh so hard! But occasionally toppling down...



Sitting on the front porch steps with mommy & daddy



Eating new foods, oatmeal, sweet potatoes, and pears
(also looking just like her daddy - what the heck)



Talking and babbling and yelling. You go to the nursery at church now because you are too loud :) But we love it at home!



Becoming friends with Tycho... :)



Laughing, smiling, and seemingly in love with everyone!



Also... TEETHING! I don't have a picture though, but your first bottom tooth is popping through ... started on your 5 month birthday!

almost 4 months old

I cannot believe this little girl. She is 16 weeks old now and so very vocal. She loves to smile at herself, she must think she's pretty cute. (she's right)



She is doing great on her tummy, but she still gets annoyed after about 5-10 minutes there.



She rolled over last Friday twice in a row from tummy to back, but we haven't been able to get her to repeat it since. Her hair is going NUTs. She loves when Brian or I put her high above our head and sing "Super girl!"




She makes a hilarious pouty face now that cracks me up! (see below)



And she is learning and communicating. I can't wait to hear what her voice will be like one day! I am loving being her mom, struggling with time and how to get into a routine. But she sleeps so well at night, I can't complain about anything. She is an angel baby!

Here are some cute videos of her. The first is at 14 weeks, the second at 15, and the third taken this morning at 16 weeks. Enjoy :)

so much interaction

Chloe is just turning into a little charmer. She smiles and laughs and interacts with us all the time. She is grabbing, playing, and trying so hard to roll over. She enjoys us lifting her up high and playing super-chloe with her! she loves when sing and talk to her. Sometimes she gets so excited she squeels, sucks in her breath and makes this hilarious noise! She has this intense pursing face she does with her lips that I adore. She is sleeping so well at night.... She is just an incredible baby. I am in love with her so much and my family & friends can't get enough of her. I'm not sure if any baby has been so loved and showered with attention. I hope it doesn't mess her up. LOL! I have so many cute videos of her but they take so long to upload, so for now I'll leave you with a beautiful picture I took of her last week. It's so amazing to watch her discovering the world!!

chloe's dedication & my first mother's day

May 9, 2010. Chloe was also officially 2 months old on this day!



The joy of my first mother's day was Chloe getting dedicated and dressing her up as my little beauty. She was so good all day and we had a wonderful lunch with both sets of grandparents and her aunty amy & future-uncle-josh. It was a great day. I love my family and my baby girl! Here are some pictures.











When we got home I set her down in this chair for a minute and she just set down with her legs crossed and had this little cute smile/expression. I ran for my camera!!!

chloe is 8 weeks... thats like 2 months. woah.

As you can see, Chloe's expressions are keeping us on our toes, laughing and warming our hearts! She is smiling much of the day, and just being such a little dear! She is reacting to our faces, voices, and kicking and playing during her active times. She loves to lay on her back, look around and kick kick and squeal. We are still working on tummy time - we force her to do it for a few times a day as long as she can tolerate it, and she's getting better. The last 2 days I've noticed her right on her side at least 3 times. I think rolling over is soon to follow!



Chloe has had a few great sleeping nights... May 2, she slept from 9:30pm till 4:00am, had one feeding, then went back to sleep in the co-sleeper from 5:00am-8:00am. It was the best night of sleep we've had since she was born! Last night wasn't quite as good, but still not too bad. We're getting there! I think we're going to move her into sleeping in her own room and crib in the next week or two here. I'm kind of dreading it though because breastfeeding is sooo much easier when I don't have to get out of bed - although to be honest, I end up out of bed usually to take a potty break! :)

Mom and dad (thats us) are doing great. I am adjusting to this little girl now, the changes, and just loving her and life. I can't believe I've been blessed with this adorable sweetie. I often look at her and cuddle her and think - she is literally the most beautiful baby I've ever seen! I'm sure every parent thinks that about their child though ;)

I bought a few new toys, a new nursing cover I love and a gorgeous Mei Tai carrier - I will post about them another time.

chloe's birth annoucement

Sent out more than we could afford... if you didn't receive on printed, here it is for the world to see! I love my little darling!

chloe grace

Chloe Grace, Born March 9, 2010 at 11:18am, 8lbs 2.5 oz, 21 inches. She is one week old today!



Wow... You think and think about all of this for 10+ months, and then suddenly, the baby is here and you're doing it all, and its happening, and she's in your arms. I can't believe it all. I am in awe, tired, joyful, frustrated, emotional, peaceful. It's all so unbelievable.

Following is a full account of how Chloe's labor/delivery went and all our trials and joys through those few days. It was really crazy and not how I expected it at all. Nothing could have prepared me for it, and some if it feels like a dream due to the medications I was on at certain parts of my labor. I do go into detail, so if you'd rather not read it, that is totally fine - you've been warned :)

On Saturday evening, I noticed a tiny leak during the middle of the night. It's always tough at this point in a pregnancy to know exactly what you are dealing with, because well... let's be frank, you're constantly peeing and sometimes a little leaks out. But I was pretty sure this was fluid. Because it was such a tiny amount though, I wasn't too worried and figured... well if it is truly my water breaking, it will come full force today. Sunday night, I noticed it again in the middle of the night, and was sure it was fluid. So, I called my midwife and they wanted me in right away. At 1:40 pm I had an appointment and she checked me and told me I was no further dilated (only about 1 cm) but that it was definitely a high amniotic fluid leak.

peggy: "We're going to get you to the hospital to get delivered."
me: "what? really?"
peggy: "yes, there is a risk of infection to your placenta with a leak like this, and because it's been going on since Saturday, we need to get this baby out right away."
me: "cry"

So I called Brian, and we came home, got our stuff in order (it was amazing how many things we were thinking of to get done) and we went off to the hospital that night. Here is a picture of me and Brian, excited and terrified, and then me - last belly shot - almost exactly 40 weeks.



After getting to the hospital, they got us settled into the room, and it was all pretty calm and boring for a while. I was given Cytotec in the cervix around 6 or 7pm (which is a bit scary but I had to have it vs. cervadil due to my asthma), and strapped up to a bunch of monitors to keep Chloe's heart rate and my contractions monitored.



Around midnight the cytotec started to do its work and I begin intense cramping and contractions that made me absolutely nuts. I was also on Nubain and a sleeping pill, so I felt like I was trapped in a painful nightmare with no relief. Around 5:00am I finally was dilated to 3cm, so I got my epidural at 6am ..then I had the best 2-3 hours ever. I had so much peace and the pain was gone, I felt warm fuzzy and amazing. I dilated quickly in 30 minutes to 6cm due to being relaxed, then by 9am I was fully dilated and effaced and just waiting for "pushing pressure"... which admittedly was hard to feel due to the epidural. At 9:00am we started pushing, after Peggy broke my water. She immediately saw meconium and had the NICU nurses on standby. I was so scared when I heard this because I know how dangerous it can be. I knew that they were monitoring Chloe's heart rate though so I just prayed she wasn't breathing it in.

I basically pushed for an hour unsuccessfully and I was so discouraged, and already completely exhausted. My midwife had to leave for about 25 minutes to attend to another patient, and I became extremely discouraged because I knew she didn't expect anything to happen but I kept pushing and exhausting myself. Then Peggy came back and they turned my epidural down... then I could feel the urge to push (well the horrible cramping/contractions) and I became extremely motivated for it to be OVER... but also felt like I was being tortured. The baby was having a hard time coming under my pubic bone... and things were moving so slowly. I know it was all very bloody and gross and I feel horrible that Brian and my mother had to watch it all happen, I know it was excruciating for Brian to watch me in so much pain and so exhausted. My arms were killing me from holding my legs back. I wanted to give up so many times. At one point I thought I might have a C-section because Peggy said the baby's head was swelling a little bit. It turns out she was actually in a sort of posterior and had to twist a lot in the birth canal, which might have been part of the reason pushing took so long. Finally I saw them break the bed down at the end, which was a huge motivator for me because I knew that we were getting close. I had to have an episiotomy, but I honestly didn't care... I was so tired and in so much pain and so scared I wanted Chloe to be born as quickly as possible and safely.

When she came out, Peggy said, she's not going to be breathing... and she was limp and lifeless and her head was very coned...and covered in... well stuff... and they wisked her off and bagged her, trying to get the meconium out before she took her first breaths. We didn't hear her for what seemed like an eternity... brian held my hand and we just looked at each other and finally we started hearing her wimpers and little cries. The poor baby it was so traumatic for her too. It was the scariest, worst, best craziest moment of my life. I couldn't believe what we had just been through and what was happening. I had a moment with her before they took her to the nursery to get checked out:




The recovery has been painful and difficult, no question, but I'm definitely starting to improve. Our first days with Chloe are sort of a blur, yet precious and amazing too. We are barely getting into a little bit of a groove, as much as you can with a newborn who just eats, sleeps and cries and poops :) but her alert phases are so wondrous, and I just want to kiss and hold her all the time (which I don't thinks he minds since right now she is definitely preferring to be held then anything else) :) We are trying to work on getting her to sleep a little longer each night in her co-sleeper (right next to me) in bed.

Breastfeeding has been a challenge for sure, but we're getting there and improving, I think. When we get it right, it is truly beautiful and amazing. I love all the aspects of this all so much. I am in so much love with this little angel!







There are more pictures on facebook/flickr if you are interested:

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