Chloe's Song by my cousin Paul

My cousin Paul wrote a beautiful song for Chloe, of course it brought me to tears. Wanted to share it here.

Chloe, though you’re wide awake
You’ve never seen this world
Chloe, though you’re wide awake
You have no fears at all

I hope you always stay that way
When you’re growing up
Whenever you’re feeling
Maybe things are stuck
Keep it in your heart
Then you’ll move around
I bet it won’t let you down

Chloe, though you’re wide awake
You’ve never seen this place
Chloe, so innocent and small
And so full of grace

I hope you always stay that way
When you’re growing up
Whenever you’re feeling
Maybe things are stuck
Keep it in your heart
Then you’ll move around
I bet it won’t let you down

To listen - click here. It's well worth it (in my opinion)

family updates

Brian's mom Beth, came in for the weekend to spend time with us (well mainly Brian and I was out of town for a wedding) for her late birthday present. It was so good to see her and spend time with her. It was weird that this is the first time we've all seen her since we found out we were pregnant, since my grandma died. Everything sort of seems different now... everything IS different now.

Amy - my amazing sister - is now engaged!! I am so thrilled for her, and I know that her wedding and marriage is going to be beautiful and unique. You can read the story here :) Josh is such a fantastic guy who has a huge heart, and treats my sister amazingly (which is what every big sister wants to see!)

Papa had a third surgery yesterday - this one was to explore the bladder and potentially scrape out any regrowth of cancer. Unfortunately, his bladder cancer is so aggressive, that 80% of the tumors that were removed less than two months ago, have returned. This FREAKS ME OUT and is so insane. They injected some chemotherapy medicine directly into the bladder, and will continue to try this for 6 weeks to see if it can make a dent in the tumors this way. If not, then the next stage will potentially be a surgery to completely remove the bladder, which can be totally brutal and for an 80-something year old man, sigh. I just don't want him to have to go through that. But at the same time, I know Papa wants to do whatever is best to keep his life going, and he seems to have a good outlook and said, let's just trust in God, and put it all in His hands.

The sort of contrast of having one grandmother die in the spring who I wasn't really very close to, then having a grandmother die in June from cancer, just a few weeks before we found out we were pregnant, who I WAS very close to.... and THEN watching my grandpa go through another battle with a different kind of cancer. Then Amy is getting married... and neither grandma will be there. All so fast. I miss my grandma Koos so much sometimes... I just can't believe she is not here. I just think of her and... I wish I could dream more about her to hear her talk to me again. I think we all are still reeling that it happened as fast as it did. I miss her laugh most of all, and how much she loved her family and her kitties. Cancer.. Cancer... Cancer. Death. Life. Cancer. Marriage. Life. Baby. Fear. Family. Cancer. Sickness. Change. Joy. Sorrow. Life. Love. Support. Life. Love.

God's control... God's plan... God's protection... God's arms... God's promise.

In His shadow there is peace
In His arms there is rest
In His word there is hope
In His hands there is grace

In the end... no hurting
In the end... no yearning
In the end... no suffering, no sadness or pain
In the end...

-David Crowder, In the End [O Resplendant Light!]

New Music, New worship

I've acquired a whole bunch of new music lately, including Matt Redman, Bethany Dillon, Jesus Culture, and some secular tunes Imogen Heap, A Fine Frenzy. I think hearing any of it at a later time will definitely remind me of this time in my life. This busy fall, this crazy time, this early pregnancy. Learning to trust God in new ways, finding His power in different places, relying on him for daily assurances.

Bethany Dillon put out a new album and one song in particular touched me with it's message and simplicity. It could apply to anyone, especially young women who are newly married, in love, or dealing with trying to find time to be with God aside from work, family, and other reponsibilities.

Bethany Dillon - Say Your Name
I'm trying to find a moment with You
These days are speeding by
This ring gives me a new point of view
I'm a dealer in my time
And if I can make a confession
My time is torn between
The man who has won my affection
And the God who made me

Oh it all looks different
But that doesn't mean anything has changed

Still I reach for You
When I am afraid
And this breath that comes from You
Helps me say Your name

I look at the life of Anna
Your presence was her home
I look at the life of my mother
Praying on her back porch

One day very soon
Face to face
I'll give an account of my time to You