what a weird night of sleep

Last night I had another night where I fell asleep around 9:30 on the couch, and then proceeded to pick myself up around 11:00pm, and drag myself into bed. Brian came to bed around 2:00am, and I woke up again, tossed and turned, then went and slept down on the couch until about 8:30 this morning. This is SO not like me, I usually sleep 7 hours a night tops - sometimes I'm pushing 13 with this early pregnancy fatigue!

The good thing is, I woke up feeling a lot better than I have the previous mornings, just a slight bit of nausea and I think some real energy, so I hope I can be productive today, and really get a lot accomplished, since I have gotten pretty much Nada accomplished the last 3 days.

I have a wedding this Saturday at the Peek and I'm nervous about my energy level and inspiration. Its like my creativity has been sapped, and I'm very scared that my couples within my first trimester are going to suffer from my lack of creativity. I am going to try to go with many ideas so I don't have to think about much and just try to go on auto pilot with ideas I know will work well.

6 weeks

I guess! That's a rough estimate but I'm somewhere around 6 weeks today, and the baby is the size of a lentil bean. Weird comparison but it helps. Arm and leg buds are forming, the heart is beating, and nostrils and eyes are forming already. How surreal.

I have my first real appt scheduled at 8 weeks - July 27 at 12:45 with Dr. Wise's nurse. So I guess it's not a real real apointment, we'll probably just go over my blood work. We'll see how that goes. And found out that the ACL didn't draw enough blood to process my prenatal screening, so I have to go back and get more drawn; I'll be sporting a nice bruise on the inside of both arms!

I guess I better get used to being poked and prodded!

--Update, they only did a prenatal screening set that tests for things like rubella, blood type, etc... but still no one has drawn any of the blood tests for hormonal types of testing. I thought this was one of the most important things because it could signify any problems with the pregnancy or any chances of twins, etc.., so this is frustrating, knowing I'll definitely have to go back again in the next few weeks and I haven't even been to the doctor yet!

wow, a lot of people found out today

I had a wedding last night with tons of people I knew, and a bridal shower and church today with even more people I knew - some who I haven't seen a while and who knew Brian and I were thinking about trying. Some even came right out and asked me. It is so hard to keep this quiet with so many who are interested in our lives surrounding me. I admit I have a lot of fear about too many people knowing in case something were to go wrong; but I can't live in fear and must trust that God will protect this pregnancy and new life, so I'm trying to just be excited with those who are so thrilled for us, instead of going "crap... they know too?"

My good friend Meghan gave me 3 pregnancy books today, so I'm starting to go through the parts that are applicable to this early stage of pregnancy. It's scary and exciting to read about all that is happening, but also really comforting to know that the early symptoms I have are totally normal and many have gone through them before me. Knowing right now the baby is the size of an apple seed, and even has a heart forming that will soon be fluttering, is thrilling and intense!

Today we got the news of a couple who were one week away from their due date, and lost their baby due to an umbilical cord complication. This is so tragic, and so sad, and very scary to hear, especially when you are still processing the crazy changes and new life that is just starting to form inside of you. I admit it turned my insides and my thoughts immediately went to others I know who have struggled with this, and gone through similar if not the same thing. I feel so much hurt and sorrow for this couple, and pray for comfort in this unbelievably difficult time.

God, we have to believe in You and your divine providence in these situations - otherwise, how else can any of it make sense without you? How can anyone have any hope without knowing that You love us more than anything else?


You give and take away.. You give and take away.
My heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be Your name.


God, help us to be able to truly believe that and love and praise You through it all. As you took my grandmother to her heavenly home, you are now giving our family a new life and I will praise You through each step of the way.

the video where we tell the news

I really hate myself on video... but Brian forced me to be the one on the other side of the camera :-) I guess you can look at my fat mug for good news like this, right?

positive blood test results

I have received the confirmed positive from my blood test taken on Thursday. My PCP was so excited she opened the door and told the office I was pregnant! Over the last few days we've told some of our closest friends and family who we are in touch with the most so that they can pray for protection over this new and very tiny life.

I am already feeling symptoms, and considering I'm not even 6 weeks yet... this doesn't bode well. The doctor told me that the symptoms are a good sign, it means good hormones, so I'm trying to look at it as positive. The main ones are that I feel completely and utterly EXHAUSTED... I walk up a flight of stairs and feel like I want to go to bed. Honestly I'm surprised I did as well as I did in Italy because of the exhaustion I am feeling now! This one might be TMI for any men out there, but my breasts have been sore for 3 weeks and its only getting worse! I am definitely feeling more sensitive to smells, and overall I feel a general blah of nausea... not intolerable, but just annoying.

It is funny how soon you can really start to feel different! It is hard for me to not be stressing out over aches, pains and cramps that are relatively normal for me with my IBS condition - when you know there is a life growing inside you in the same general area, it causes me to worry a bit, or maybe not enough!

I told my grandpa yesterday, and we all are happy but cried a bit with sadness... wishing Grandma was still around, as we know this news would just thrill her to pieces. We miss her so much!

I am waiting for my appointment with Dr. Elizabeth Wise, one of the top OB/GYNs in the area recommended by my PCP, so I'll update when I know the date and what it will involve!

july 8

We are still in the Venice airport, our flight has been delayed, and we have been using the time to try to figure out if I am considered 4 or 5 weeks pregnant :-) I don't know why, but the distinction is bugging me.

I don't really have too many symptoms yet except breast soreness and fatigue, and feeling picky about foods in general - but this could also be related to being in a foreign country and out of my normal food routine. I am so excited to get home and start living this out.

I haven't let myself become fully invested in this yet. I have seen so many friends struggle through pregnancies, lose babies, and miscarry that is hard for me to give my heart to this 100%, even though I just want to explode with joy deep down. I will visit the doctor tomorrow, even though it is very early, to make sure everything is ok due to the fact that I have been so sick this entire trip!

Overall, I am just bursting... and I want to tell the world about this new life forming inside me. But I am still trying to be cautious, as it is so early. Soon I hope to reveal this blog to everyone who is interested to follow along!

july 3, Italy

Well, today we found out that I'M FREAKING PREGNANT ACCORDING TO ONE ENGLISH AND ONE ITALIAN PEE-ON-A-STICK PREGGO TEST!

I CANT believe it. More to come.