oh yeah... we did some holiday stuff at the end of November

Brian and I had a fun day of putting up the initial Christmas decorations at the end of November before Thanksgiving! We took it very slow this year, doing a little at a time because things tend to overwhelm me in large amounts lately. It was fun... we got snacks, made cookies and just hung out together, and he even put up with watching the Holiday again for me! The cats enjoyed themselves too.



Ah, what is Christmas without an up close picture of lights?



This was so yummy, although I recall feeling not so good the next day. lol.



A little cookie for the baby (or an excuse for me to eat more)




Tycho & Zelda checking out.




Then we spent Thanksgiving in Maryland with Brian's family. I didn't take enough pics of us all, I hope to do some more over New Years. Here is my wonderful Thanksgiving plate. It was so good. Thanksgiving is truly the best meal of the year, in my opinion.

Brian's grandparents, John & Anne asked me to get a good picture of them that they could send to some people. It turned out so nice, we love it and got a print for ourselves. I think Beth (Brian's mom) might even paint it!

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year everyone! Pics from Christmas New Years and my first baby shower will be coming in a few weeks :)

29 Weeks

Almost hitting 30 weeks - I seriously don't believe it. I know I say that so much but it's true! I'm feeling tons of movement these days - a few times a day at certain times she seems to be much crazier, sometimes I think she must be pedaling or kicking right against me, other times I watch my belly bounce up and down. It seems like whenever that happens no one else sees it though, I try to pull someone over to watch or feel and she stops. Argh! lol. Sometimes the movements seem like she's having little spasms. lol... I assume it's normal.

Symptom wise, still having upper abdomen and rib cage pain on the left side. I think this will be with me till the end of my pregnancy. It is very sucky and sometimes stops me from doing some things. I'm trying to start exercising a little bit too because I'm feeling sluggish and I feel like my body isn't prepared to support the rest of this baby's weight sometimes. I can't believe how much bigger I'm going to get... sometimes I think about it and I have heart palpitations. lol. I've also started having some pain in my hips and joints - I've heard this is pretty normal. Sometimes I have trouble walking. So, I'm probably going to be waddling soon. I've also started to get my RLS symptoms back (restless legs) which had sort of disappeared for a while. FUN!!!

29 Weeks

Your baby now weighs about 2 1/2 - 3 pounds (like a butternut squash) and could be 15-17 inches long from head to heel. Though she's getting pretty close to her birth length, she still has to chub out a bit. In fact, over the next 11 weeks, she'll more than double — or even come close to tripling — her weight. And as she grows and room in your womb gets tighter, you'll be less likely to feel those big kicks and more likely to get poked by an elbow or jabbed by a knee. Her muscles and lungs are continuing to mature, and her head is growing bigger to make room for his developing brain. To meet her increasing nutritional demands, you'll need plenty of protein, vitamins C, folic acid, and iron. And because her bones are soaking up lots of calcium, be sure to drink your milk (or find another good source of calcium, such as cheese, yogurt, or enriched orange juice). This trimester, about 250 milligrams of calcium are deposited in your baby's hardening skeleton each day. She is able to use all five of her senses, hearing sounds and seeing bright lights in her mother's environment, and tasting, touching, and even smelling the amniotic fluid surrounding her.

28 Weeks & a passing test result

28 Weeks:

By this week, your baby weighs two and a quarter pounds (like a Chinese cabbage) (what the heck is a chinese cabbage) and measures 14.8 inches from the top of her head to her heels. She can blink her eyes, which now sport lashes. With her eyesight developing, she may be able to see the light that filters in through your womb. She's also developing billions of neurons in her brain and adding more body fat in preparation for life in the outside world.

See what your baby looks like this week.

I also need to start counting kicks this week.... crazyness.

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It's hard to believe how big I am already. I gained a lot of weight in the 6th month, which was a little hard to accept. I had a doctors appointment today and everything was good - the baby actually had hiccups when she was listening for the heart rate! So cute, and the first time I've heard that. And ... I PASSED MY GLUCOSE TEST - I DO NOT have gestational diabetes. That was great news! I still am going to try to watch my sweet stuff, it is certainly my weakness!! :-) I had her examine the area where I'm having the pain and burning below my bra and over my ribs on the left side. Really still no explanation for that. Bah. I really really hope that it starts to let up soon, if anything it's been getting worse. I was wrapping presents last night in some serious pain.

Here's the belly at 28 weeks. so big already... of course sometimes I look way huger depending on how I stand too. I'm so excited!! Been rocking her in the rocker at night. It's very surreal.

A glider!!

Brian is so flippin sweet, and always manages to surprise me with SOMETHING at Christmas time. We agreed we weren't getting each other any presents for Christmas - money is tight, and any money we have, we want to put towards baby stuff we needed. We wanted to get the a nice glider/ottoman combo for the nursery, but had put it aside because we didn't think we could afford it. Well, we put some Christmas money we were given back into our budget and walah - a beautiful brand new glider, that matches the nursery furniture so perfectly I want to scream. And he even got it on sale which makes it so much better. He got it home in his car and put it together in an hour so that I could see it. He led me up and played Christmas music in the room and put bows on it. So so adorable.

I also got myself this ring for $13 to replace my wedding rings which have a lot of welding and extra fitting on them that are getting too tight for me. It's fakey but I love it.

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The 3-4 hour glucose test went "eh" this morning. It definitely wasn't fun, but I just hope my results are normal. I got a bit weak about halfway through but it's over now. I just have very bruised up arms from the 4 blood draws. Thank the Lord for my cell phone, twitter and 3G networks. I don't know what I would have done without it! haha.

1 hour glucose screening

Looks like I just barely failed my 1 hour glucose test for gestational diabetes. They said the cut off is 130 and I came in right at 130. :( So I have to go back for the 3 hour test mon morning next week.

i'm sad and i feel like its my fault somehow. :(

27 weeks - third trimester!

27 Weeks:

This week, your baby weighs almost 2 pounds (like a head of cauliflower) and is about 14 1/2 inches long with her legs extended. She's sleeping and waking at regular intervals, opening and closing her eyes, and perhaps even sucking her fingers. With more brain tissue developing, your baby's brain is very active now. While her lungs are still immature, they would be capable of functioning — with a lot of medical help — if she were to be born now. Chalk up any tiny rhythmic movements you may be feeling to a case of baby hiccups, which may be common from now on. Each episode usually lasts only a few moments, and they don't bother her, so just relax and enjoy the tickle.

See what your baby looks like this week.

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It's a shock to be entering my third trimester. I'm starting to deal with a new set of fears - what if the baby is born too early, what if something happens to her in the womb, what if I mess something up, how the heck will i get through delivery, the pain, etc. Is my grandpa going to make it to see her born? Just praying for fear control at this point and God's comfort. I have a lot of questions for next weeks appt... Brian and I are also going to start a childbirth class in January and my mom is planning my baby shower. It felt like this point was so far away, and now it's rushing on me. I'm 27 weeks - in a week or two I am going to start doing kick counts --- It is freaking me outttttt.

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Brian and I got our crib in! We were so excited we set it up at 11:00 at night... it was actually super easy to set up. We still need a mattress though. haha. Anyway, here are some pictures of the baby's room so far. I originally didn't want to show until it was done, but it's probably cool to remember the process. Plus we might move the furniture around... not sure.

I plan on putting up pink curtans and removing those blinds with long cords (of course) and putting her name and some art up above the crib. The white wall will have some sort of mural which my dad and I will hopefully paint. I tried to keep the paint colors something that could switch if our sonogram tech was wrong and it happens to be a boy. haha!

So here is the nursery so far!

26 weeks, belly shot, crib

26 weeks

Your baby is inhaling and exhaling small amounts of amniotic fluid, which is essential for the development of her lungs. These so-called breathing movements are also good practice for when she's born and takes that first gulp of air. And she's continuing to put on baby fat. He now weighs about a pound and two-thirds and measures 14-15 inches (an English hothouse cucumber) from head to heel. Most babies this age, yours included, still like to snuggle in a slightly curled position inside the uterus (thus the term "fetal position"). And at just over two pounds, she has doubled in weight from four weeks ago.

The network of nerves in your baby's ears is better developed and more sensitive than before. She may now be able to hear both your voice and your partner's as you chat with each other. And even though the sounds your baby hears are muffled (thanks to the creamy coating of vernix covering those ears), she may recognize both yours and your partner's voices. So this might be a good time to read and even sing to your baby (or rather, your belly). Also, your baby's taste buds are very developed now too (with more taste buds than he or she will ever have outside the womb, actually).

I also read somewhere that this week and last week the baby's limbs were growing to almost their birth length. This makes sense becuase I have been truly feeling more movement that is stretching out, and reaching higher then ever before. I was in shock today on the drive home feeling sensations almost 3-4 inches above my belly button, you can tell she is stretching out and pushing in new ways! It's crazyyyyyyyy (and a little uncomfortable). I'm still having the under-the-bra, across the muscle of my rib cage pain. Not sure what to do about it.

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I have been slacking on the belly pictures because the last 3 weeks (excluding Thanksgiving) have been some of the craziest of my life, trying to get caught up from all the fall weddings. I couldn't get it all quite done, I'm only one person, but I hope to get a lot more finished this week! November was super productive and for that I am happy. ANYWAY... that being said.

This picture was taken on Thanksgiving at 25+ weeks. Brian took it :)

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We also picked out and ordered our crib/changing table, our Christmas gift from Beth & Paul (brian's parents). We are so so so thankful for everyone helping us out with all these expenses and things we need. We are so blessed! We decided to go sans dropside, and I'm glad because I'm hearing about all kinds of recalls and proposed bans on drop-side cribs lately. I think they are pulling millions of them from the market, so we decided on the sturdy non-drop side instead. Our crib is not a luxury crib by any means, it was one of the most affordable ones we could find. But I liked the style, simple, slightly traditional, and white.

Graco Lauren, in White. It is convertible but it's so affordable that if we don't get to it, I'm not worried about it! I wanted the changing table to match too because we already have a few different wood colors going on in that bedroom, and all the molding in the room is white.

emotional breaks & maybe a name?

I had an emotional/hormonal breakdown of some sort today for no reason at all except the stress of playing a board game. I have no idea what came over me, I could feel it building and I just LOST it. Anyway once I got away from everyone and cried for a bit I felt better but I still feel like I'm teetering on the edge of something. Maybe stressful board games with too much competition aren't in my near future for a little while. lol.

Course that wasn't the first one... on our drive to Maryland, I was checking in on people's facebooks, as I do, and I saw that I had been "un-friended" by someone. I was so upset and confused I cried. OVER FACEBOOK. It turns out it was a total fluke and the person did not un-friend me on purpose, but you can see where I am at emotionally/relationally. Oh Lord, dear Lord... please give Brian strength to deal with me. He has 14.5 more weeks of me like this. Ok, you know I'm going to be a mess after the baby is born too (hopefully a joyful mess)...so maybe longer ;)

For the last 5 days I've been dealing with some very very weird, slightly burning, slightly feeling like muscle strain and odd pains near my rib cage, under my bra line and stretching down an inch or two. They are mainly concentrated on the left hand side. I can't figure them out and they are irritated when 1) i sit too long in certain positions, or 2) I walk around too much, holding any weight at all (like my purse, etc). I'm not sure what is going on. I thought it could be related to dehydration, so I'm trying to drink fluids as much as I can, but I'm sure I could up that a bit. It sounds silly, but pray for me because it is really painful and getting in the way of a lot... I feel very weak and ridiculous cuz I can't do as much and have to stop doing things due to the exhaustion and discomfort of the pain.

We have been going back and forth on some names for a while. I am someone who has no problem getting these things picked out ahead of time, and I always envisioned we would know the babys name the second I found out the sex, but it has been so much harder then I imagined. Yesterday I ran across one I've seen a hundred times, but it hit me anew, and it is one I think Brian and I both like equally. The meaning is beautiful too. We'll see. It's simple and sweet. But, maybe I'll just keep them all bouncing in my head until I see that little face... it could go either way at this point!

Have a few pics from Thanksgiving to post - hopefully I can in a few days when I get home. I thought December was going to slow down big time with work, but the first week is still looking INTENSE. I'm dreading/grateful for the work.

sharing pregnancy

It is so cool to have friends around you who are also pregnant. I have my dear Kristin who I used to work with, my photog buddy Penny, blogging friend & once-modeled-for-me Brooke, and also some amazing girls in my small group. We are all between 5-6 weeks away from each other, it's so cute! I pray for all our babies to be healthy!! If Kristin was in this picture she'd be in between me and Megan, and Penny in between them. Brooke would be between me and Christie :)

Megan is almost 30 weeks, I'm almost 25, and Christie is almost 19! So far I'm the only one that knows the sex of my baby (girl), Megan is keeping it a surprise and Christie finds out in 2 weeks! Woo! Oh and of those not pictured, Brooke is having a boy, Penny is having a boy, and Kristin is having a girl!

24 weeks (6 months!)

I am in awe. We prayed for our baby girl last night for protection, for her health, and for me to continue to carry the baby to term. We prayed we would be good examples of Christ's love, and that she would grow to know and love the Lord early in life. It is so weird thinking about that, but a lot of that is up to us. We want to do it right. Sometimes, I can't wait to meet her, and other times, I feel like I already know her from her kicks and punches and bounces in my stomach. She's starting to respond to sounds, our voices sometimes - if we are quietly talking at night and that's all the noise there is, she often kicks a lot! It's so cute.

24 weeks:

Your baby's growing steadily, having gained about 4 ounces since last week. That puts him at just over a pound. (Some books are telling me 1.5 lbs) Since he's almost a foot long (picture an ear of corn), he cuts a pretty lean figure at this point, but his body is filling out proportionally and he'll soon start to plump up. His brain is also growing quickly now, and his taste buds are continuing to develop. His lungs are developing "branches" of the respiratory "tree" as well as cells that produce surfactant, a substance that will help his air sacs inflate once he hits the outside world. His skin is still thin and translucent, but that will start to change soon. In the past few weeks, the top of your uterus has risen above your belly button and is now about the size of a soccer ball.

Wondering what (and who) your baby will look like? If you had a baby cam at 24 weeks pregnant, you'd almost be able to tell by now. That beautiful face (though still tiny) is almost fully formed. What's still missing from the picture is the fat that will be piled on under baby's skin. Until those fat deposits are made, that very tender skin is still very transparent, which means a close look would let you see clear through to all the organs, bones, and blood vessels. Fortunately, that see-through look won't last much longer. Babies at this stage of fetal development are gaining about six ounces each week — with much of that gain coming from fat, in addition to growing organs, bones, and muscle.

What's been playing on your little rocker's stereo system these days? All kinds of sounds can be heard by your baby in your womb: from air exhaling from your lungs (deep breath now), those gastric gurgles produced by your stomach and intestines, your voice and your partner's (which your baby will be able to recognize at birth), and even very loud sounds such as honking horns, barking dogs, or a wailing fire truck.

definitely bronchitis

On a 5 day steriod and a 5 day antibiotic treatment. not fun. coughing so hard i cry.

and...worst timing ever, brian has to go away for 2.5 days and leave me alone when i really need him. arghghghg;lkajsdf;lk.

ok i'm done complaining now. as long as the baby is ok though and not affected by this, i will go through whatever i have to.

23 weeks

How your baby's growing at 23 weeks:

Turn on the radio and sway to the music. With her sense of movement well developed by now, your baby can feel you dance. And now that she's more than 11 inches long and weighs just over a pound (about as much as a large mango), you may be able to see her squirm underneath your clothes. Blood vessels in her lungs are developing to prepare for breathing, and the sounds that your baby's increasingly keen ears pick up are preparing her for entry into the outside world. Loud noises that become familiar now — such as your dog barking or the roar of the vacuum cleaner — probably won't faze her when she hears them outside the womb.

See what your baby looks like this week.

The baby's movements are just part of my daily life now. I love it. She often kicks or pushes on my bladder and makes me have to go the bathroom... and I'm daily seeing my stomach actually move when she kicks... usually at night. I'm shocked it's happened so soon.

I've also put on a lot of weight over the last 3 weeks. It's a bit scary. I knew I was going to gain a lot, but seeing the numbers certainly freaks me out!

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Also, I'm self-diagnoising that I have bronchitis as a result of my asthma attack Sunday. The coughing is insane and I'm choking on it. Sorry, TMI. But it hurts and I'm miserable. I also have a bit of a fever today, 100.1 degrees. I am going to the doc at 1:15 so we'll see if I'm right or not. I don't know if there is any treatment for this or if I just have to wait for my body to fight it off.

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In other news, we are working on our worship CD... and it is out at production, which means hopefully it will be out in a few weeks! This project is about 2 years in coming so it's exciting its finally happening!

a rough night

Last night while friends while friends were over, starting around 9:00pm ish, I started having some trouble breathing. This happens to me sometimes and usually is relieved by my Albuterol inhaler. I tried using it and felt a bit of relief but not a lot. Before bed I could tell it was going to be a rough night. All I can describe it is as -- feels like a weigh on my lungs -- slight wheeze at times -- feels like I can't get a complete breath. If you've never had trouble breathing, its hard to describe how scary it can be and how we take it for granted, but all of a sudden you are thinking of every breath you're taking and it is so exhausting.

Anyway the night progressed like this and I kept puffing my inhaler (3x?) but felt like it wasn't giving me the medicine I needed because my symptoms were not decreasing. After a restless night I woke up around 6:30 and thought maybe a hot shower could help clear things up. They didn't and the morning was so bad, I was wheezing, hacking and my chest was under so much pressure - it hurt to take every breath. My mom brought over her inhaler and that helped me a bit more then mine was - confirming mine is out of medicine. I got a refill on mine though so hopefully I'm ok. Once the inhaler started to work I felt better when I wasn't active, but as soon as I got up and moved around, even to climb the stairs I am SO out of breath - I feel like I'm 80 years old and 700 lbs.

I called the doctor on call and she said to keep using the inhaler as I needed to to feel better, and that if the symptoms continued to call my doctor and they would probably prescribe some steroid inhalers to get things under control. I will try tomorrow but I refuse to see their nurse practitioner, because they do NOTHING for me. It is frustrating to say the least, I've already been in one time about my asthma and she just said "suck it, deal with it" basically. (the NP, not my PCP)

In other awesome news though, the baby has been ridiculously active the last few days. I have been enjoying stronger sensations and new feelings - and the baby has moved my hand on my stomach at least 3x with kicks, and Brian, my mom, my sister and my friend Christie were all able to feel her kicking yesterday. She was kicking so hard. (or punching, or flipping, not sure exactly what the movements are). It was awesome. Brian and I also bought a pre-natal listening device around 16-17 weeks and for the first time were able to pick up the baby's heartbeat last night. It was so awesome. We could hear some movement too, I think - well I was feeling at least! Then the baby must have shifted positions becuase we lost hte heartbeat but picked it up again. It was so cool! We just laid in bed listening to it (it comes with 2 headphones) haha.

I'd definitely recommend that thing for a $20 price tag. It's a bit of work to find the heartbeat and hear stuff, but it is totally worth it when you do. I'm surprised we could hear it so early.

Anyway if you wouldn't mind, say a prayer that this asthma gets under control. I'm afraid its only going to get worse as I get bigger!

things

Things are bad with Papa. You can check our facebook statuses for updates, but we are all rocked by the news. Basically they couldn't do the surgery, because the cancer has grown rapidly and spread outside the bladder. I will update when I know more. I really am so shocked by this - I just really believed the bladder was going to come out and he would get some more time out of this. Cancer is so scary, so ugly.

But you know what? Papa's spirit is something that is an example I can learn from. He only wants the Lord's will and he will remain strong through this. We just have to stay strong for him.

papa's surgery

Papa has had a rough 2 days preparing for his surgery tomorrow (basically clear liquid diet and similar-to-colonoscopy-meds). For those of you that don't know the story, right after my grandma died in mid-June, doctors determined that he had large tumors in his bladder, and later confirmed they were cancerous. He had surgery to remove the very large invasive and cancerous tumors that were taking up about 80% of his bladder space 2-3 months ago. He did really well with the surgeries.

About 6 weeks ago or so, he went back in for exploratory look to see if the tumors had regrown. The doctors found that they had, completely come back, taking up that 80% of his bladder again. Obviously, this is such insane and fast growth. This whole thing has been a blur! He has been getting direct chemotherapy into the bladder to control their growth, but his absolute best chance is this surgery tomorrow morning, very early (7:00 am?). The surgery will consist of completely removing the bladder and a conduit urinary diversion. Obviously, this is quite a procedure. The doctors, however, warned us that there might be too much scar tissue to complete the surgery. This is not the option we want, because it means a lot of harsh chemo and radiation treatment.

Please keep him in your prayers - he needs it! We love you Papa - we'll kick this cancer!

22 weeks

Wow... this is really happening. It seems more real then ever now. Growing belly, little kicks and flips keeping me up in the middle of the night... baby clothes strewn all over the newly painted room, baby registries almost completed, bassinet in the room, people generously giving us so much. Aside from being so excited, I'm starting to feel my first like.... trepidations/fear about actually getting this little one out of me. I still have 4 months to think about that, but it's happening - especially when I realized my THIRD TRIMESTER will start on Dec. 8th. I almost fell over. That's only 5ish weeks away!

I have been selfish and emotional lately and for that I am sorry to anyone who has experienced any brunt of it. I'm trying to overcome it!

22 weeks development- the baby is finally almost a pound! And with that, I am gaining a lot too...

At 11 inches (the length of a spaghetti squash) and almost 1 pound, your baby is starting to look like a miniature newborn. His lips, eyelids, and eyebrows are becoming more distinct, and he's even developing tiny tooth buds beneath his gums. His eyes have formed, but his irises (the colored part of the eye) still lack pigment. If you could see inside your womb, you'd be able to spot the fine hair (lanugo) that covers his body and the deep wrinkles on his skin, which he'll sport until he adds a padding of fat to fill them in. Inside his belly, his pancreas — essential for the production of some important hormones — is developing steadily. The baby's hearing is becoming more acute and its almost constant movements may be quieted by your talking, singing, or reading to it. (no way!!??)

3 Polls

I need to know mother's opinions on 2 things. Please leave your comments for me!!! I really really appreciate it!

1) favorite brand of disposable diapers (I WILL be using disposable, so this is not a platform to tell me why it's bad for the environment or why I should use re-useable. I just want to know your favorite brand and why.

2) To get a crib with dropside or without. The one we are looking at has 2 versions and whenever I see dropside, try them, they seem way more unsturdy. I'm not sure they are necessary if the mattress is set in the highest position.

3) Favorite brand/style of bottle for baby. I hope/plan to nurse, but I'll still need bottles!

Thanks everyone!!!

so much

If any of you follow me on facebook, you'll know I (along with many other pregnant girls) are struggling with the decisions to get flu shots or not. It is not the fact of getting vaccinated with the strains that scares me, its the preservatives in the vaccine. All over the internet people are saying "get the preservative free (thimerosal free) version" - but I'll tell you right now - we don't have it here in Erie, at least not for H1N1 which is the most important one for pregnant women to get.

Because I'm pregnant, I'm 6x more likely to catch the flues or develop complications from them. Because I am asthmatic/allergy suffering, I am catapulted into a new risk category for suffering from complications of the viruses.

But if I want H1N1 before it runs out, I have to get the version with thimerisol now. My midwife is recommending that I get it, as well as many other reputable websites and sources. So I will be totally set on it, then people start telling me about the links between mercury and autism, other problems in infants, children - and I back off, flip out, and cry and cry and change my mind again.

I have done so much research on this, along with Brian, I have never felt so torn about a decision in my life. I have never had to weigh someone else's safety and life in this way. It's bizarre because it is a big decision, but it's also...just a shot. That is a tough line to walk. I am so terrified of hurting this little girl inside of me, it makes me absolutely crazy. I have cried so much today, its nuts. Brian is trying to counsel me and help me make this decision with him together. My baby is developing so perfectly, the thought of messing that up agonizes me. But the thought of getting H1N1 and getting very sick from it and dying or losing the baby scares me just as much.

As of now I am scheduled to get H1N1 tomorrow at 1:00pm. I'm not positive I'll go yet. I am going to sleep on it and pray very hard for clarity. What I don't need is more opinions, even though my nature is to ask for them. I know both sides of the coin and I am in a place where we have to pick what is best for my current situation and weigh the risks and benefits.

In the end though - if I trust my decision and that it is right for me and blessed by God, then I should not worry about it either way - because He will protect and honor that choice that we have made. Trust is my biggest issue right now.

Any prayers for me and other pregnant women making this decision would be super appreciated.

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In other news, I'm 21 weeks today, and this pregnancy is so exciting. I've had a couple rough days with IBS, but everything else is going perfectly and I am loving my baby more and more every day. I am feeling her moving every day at some point - sometimes the activity is so crazy! Brian still hasn't felt it completely yet - I think he might have felt a nudge tonight. We'll get there. We are still struggling with names and haven't found a crib yet, but neither of these is really worrying me :) I'm just enjoying it all.

We bought our crib bedding and picked out paint colors. It is so cute, fresh and funky and totally me! We'll use the khaki/beige color as the main wall color then do an accent wall in the fresh orange color. I am so excited! I might have my dad help me paint an abstract mural on the other wall too using the flowers as inspiration!




21 weeks development:

Your baby now weighs about three-quarters of a pound and is approximately 10 1/2 inches long — the length of a carrot. You may soon feel like she's practicing martial arts as her initial fluttering movements turn into full-fledged kicks and nudges. You may also discover a pattern to her activity as you get to know her better. In other developments, your baby's eyebrows and lids are present now, and if you're having a girl, her vagina has begun to form as well.

weird weird weird dream

I had a dream. I can't remember the progression, but there were parts that involved everyone in Erie who's name was Rachel getting a zombie-type-virus. There was a part that involved some other girl with the screename "secret rach" who was IMing/SPAMMING me on AIM and twitter telling me about the dangers about to befall me. At one point she IM'd me over 628 times in 1 minutes. Another section of the dream involved me getting stuck up by the "peninsula" at someone's house with no cell phone service and being late for my engagement shoot today. Then suddenly I was in the same room as the girl.

geez. weirdness.....

I had a really really hormonal, tearful night last night. I wonder if hormone surges can also cause really bizarre dreams...

20 week sonogram!

I cannot believe that I am halfway through this pregnancy already. It is all just around the corner... I am truly in awe. Today was an emotional and joyous and insane day. I had a few ups and downs, hardly slept and then was in astonishment at our sonogram. We are 20 weeks along so it's pretty sure and ok to say at this point that we are having a girl! I am so surprised. I was totally convinced it was a boy. Brian is beside himself - he is so excited!

The baby didn't move around too much while we were getting the actual sonogram, but proceeded to nudge and push me for the rest of the day very actively. Aargh! Anyway the sonogram tech was having a bit of trouble getting the images she needed at first because of the position the baby was in - head down, turned towards my back (showing us its butt). haha. Finally she got it to move so she could get some profile shots. This is the first time seeing the baby's profile and it was surreal and beautiful!

Baby Gender: 90% sure girl
Baby heartrate: 155bpm
Baby Weight: 11 oz
Baby Length: Somewhere around 10 inches from toe to head, about the length of a banana (from babycenter.com)

Baby snuggled against placenta. This was actually bad for the the technician. lol



Baby snuggled against placenta. This was actually bad for the the technician. lol


Baby's foot! Sticking straight at you.


Baby snuggled against placenta. This was actually bad for the the technician. lol


Baby's profile. She is so darn cute already.


Baby's profile. She is so darn cute already.


We also took a little video footage which was soooo not allowed but so worth it to me. This is a precious memory and I wanted to have what I could of it. It is about 4ish minutes long. I tried to label it so you can see what is going on - there is a section where they are checking for the gender, and a section measuring the face and profile. There are parts where you get to see the whole baby's body, spine and feet and legs too. Cool stuff!!!




We love you baby girl Lusky!!! It's amazing how precious you are to me in such a short time.

baby moves

Well I think I can finally say that for the last week, I've been feeling this baby move consistently everyday. It seems the little nudges come in the mid-morning especially while I'm sitting at my computer, a little in the afternoon, and later in the evening when Brian and I are relaxing by the tv. He hasn't been able to feel anything from the outside yet. I'm hoping very soon!

Yay baby!!!!!!!!

19 Weeks

Wow, is this happening? It seems like things are speeding up all of a sudden. And at the same time, I feel more patient then I did... I don't know what it is! I am suddenly aware of how blessed we are that God has protected the baby thus far. I don't take it for granted, and still pray for constant protection. I know anything can happen. I thank God for every week He gives me in this pregnancy. We had a penta-screen blood test 2 weeks ago and I haven't heard any news, which in this case, I believe is good. No news = no major problems with the bloodwork that need to be discussed immediately.

It's like my mind and my body are finally starting to connect. It's taken a while for that to happen. I'm starting to be able to feel my uterus JUST below my belly button which is crazy to know that the baby is finally not hiding quite so much in my fat/insides and coming forward! I'm still continuing to feel nudges, I think, it's still a little hard to tell, but if they aren't nudges, then I have some sort of weird muscle twitch that needs to be dealt with ;-)

19 Weeks Development
Your baby's sensory development is exploding! Her brain is designating specialized areas for smell, taste, hearing, vision, and touch. Some research suggests that she may be able to hear your voice now, so don't be shy about reading aloud, talking to her, or singing a happy tune if the mood strikes you. Your baby weighs about 8 1/2 ounces and measures 6 inches, head to bottom — about the size of a large heirloom tomato or a large mango. Ha. Measured from head to feet, about 9-10 inches! (That flips me out a bit) Her arms and legs are in the right proportions to each other and the rest of her body now. Her kidneys continue to make urine and the hair on her scalp is sprouting. A waxy protective coating called the vernix caseosa is forming on her skin to prevent it from pickling in the amniotic fluid.

Your little action figure is able to choreograph Matrix-like moves. Arms and legs are finally in proportion, neurons are now connected between the brain and muscles, and cartilage throughout the body is turning to bone. All these upgrades combine to give your baby more control over limb movements. Which explains all that kicking, stretching, and bodysurfing (or rather bellysurfing) you've possibly started feeling by now.

18 weeks belly shot

I forgot to post this here. You can really tell that baby is popping through now! haha!

18 weeks, movement??

Yesterday we were 18 weeks pregnant! It's hard to believe. It's going slow and fast, all at the same time, if that is possible. Sometimes I just feel like... come ONNNN lets go, and other times I'm like, lets take this NICE AND SLOW! Anyway...

Right now, as many mothers-to-be are at this stage, I'm sort of obsessed with feeling the baby move. I am starting to get more sure I'm feeling it. Last night was one of the most definitive times... it was almost like 3 nudges within the span of about a minute. It actually flipped me out because it was so defined. And the day before while I was working and playing Bethany Dillon and singing really loud, I had a few nudgy feelings and a flutter or two. It is so exciting and is making it really feel way more real than it has up to this point. I pray it continues and things keep going smoothly. Baby keep moving! :)

18 Weeks Baby!

Head to rump, your baby is about 5 1/2 inches long (about the length of a bell pepper) and he weighs almost 7 ounces. He's busy flexing his arms and legs — movements that you'll start noticing more and more in the weeks ahead. His blood vessels are visible through his thin skin, and his ears are now in their final position, although they're still standing out from his head a bit. A protective covering of myelin is beginning to form around his nerves, a process that will continue for a year after he's born. If you're having a girl, her uterus and fallopian tubes are formed and in place. If you're having a boy, his genitals are noticeable now, but he may hide them from you during an ultrasound. (Hopefully not, ultrasound Oct 20! :)

What about the mom-to-be? Your cardiovascular system is undergoing dramatic changes, and during this trimester your blood pressure will probably be lower than usual. Don't spring up too fast from a lying or sitting position or you might feel a little dizzy. From now on, when you do lie down, it's best to lie on your side — or at least partly tilted to one side. (When you lie flat on your back, your uterus can compress a major vein, leading to decreased blood return to your heart.) Try placing a pillow behind you or under your hip or upper leg for comfort.

zelda & tychs

The kitties are enjoying the cooler temperatures by cozying up in the house :)

Zelda has been enjoying sitting in the box where I store my business receipts while I work. Ok so these were actually taken a month ago, but she's actually doing it right now while I'm posting!



Tycho just likes to be in the way everywhere and everything :) Including getting up on my beautiful fall decorated mantel and shattering the glass vases. Sigh. I say... see Tycho, this is why we can't have nice things! ;-)



I can't believe how fast fall is passing and winter is approaching. Dave says snow next week possibly. INSANE. These are the days though that I love working from home. Cozy cozy office with cozy kitties!

family updates

Brian's mom Beth, came in for the weekend to spend time with us (well mainly Brian and I was out of town for a wedding) for her late birthday present. It was so good to see her and spend time with her. It was weird that this is the first time we've all seen her since we found out we were pregnant, since my grandma died. Everything sort of seems different now... everything IS different now.

Amy - my amazing sister - is now engaged!! I am so thrilled for her, and I know that her wedding and marriage is going to be beautiful and unique. You can read the story here :) Josh is such a fantastic guy who has a huge heart, and treats my sister amazingly (which is what every big sister wants to see!)

Papa had a third surgery yesterday - this one was to explore the bladder and potentially scrape out any regrowth of cancer. Unfortunately, his bladder cancer is so aggressive, that 80% of the tumors that were removed less than two months ago, have returned. This FREAKS ME OUT and is so insane. They injected some chemotherapy medicine directly into the bladder, and will continue to try this for 6 weeks to see if it can make a dent in the tumors this way. If not, then the next stage will potentially be a surgery to completely remove the bladder, which can be totally brutal and for an 80-something year old man, sigh. I just don't want him to have to go through that. But at the same time, I know Papa wants to do whatever is best to keep his life going, and he seems to have a good outlook and said, let's just trust in God, and put it all in His hands.

The sort of contrast of having one grandmother die in the spring who I wasn't really very close to, then having a grandmother die in June from cancer, just a few weeks before we found out we were pregnant, who I WAS very close to.... and THEN watching my grandpa go through another battle with a different kind of cancer. Then Amy is getting married... and neither grandma will be there. All so fast. I miss my grandma Koos so much sometimes... I just can't believe she is not here. I just think of her and... I wish I could dream more about her to hear her talk to me again. I think we all are still reeling that it happened as fast as it did. I miss her laugh most of all, and how much she loved her family and her kitties. Cancer.. Cancer... Cancer. Death. Life. Cancer. Marriage. Life. Baby. Fear. Family. Cancer. Sickness. Change. Joy. Sorrow. Life. Love. Support. Life. Love.

God's control... God's plan... God's protection... God's arms... God's promise.

In His shadow there is peace
In His arms there is rest
In His word there is hope
In His hands there is grace

In the end... no hurting
In the end... no yearning
In the end... no suffering, no sadness or pain
In the end...

-David Crowder, In the End [O Resplendant Light!]

17 week appointment

Had an appointment today at 17 weeks. All seems well. Heart rate measured in in the 140s! At 8 weeks we were in the 160s so this is a bit interesting! Now everyone is saying "ah, definitely a boy" because of the old wives tales about slow heart rate = boy.

Well we'll know in THREE weeks! October 20th is the big ultrasound. We're trying to figure out if we want to do something special to make finding out the gender more of a surprise, like have the ultrasound tech write it in an envelope and enclose a picture of "the goods" for us, and then we can take it to my parents house later that night, and get brian's parents on Skype to open it all together! Or, we can open it later, just the two of us, so we can react whatever way we want alone together. lol. Who knows, just fun thoughts.

maternity style

My mother-in-law was in this weekend and spoiled me quite a bit with some new maternity items from Motherhood Maternity! I feel like I have a lot of clothes now, so blessed. Maybe just might need another sweater and possibly a winter coat.



She also purchased me an "Snoogle" body pillow - they look goofy, but they are pretty amazing and I'm excited for how it should help me stay a little more comfy as I get bigger, hopefully. And two little baby items... "baby's first tigger" & "baby's first pooh." so cute...



And last week I got a buttload of stuff from Old Navy, they had a big sale. More casual stuff but I love the colors!



Some of all these clothes are too big for me right now, it's so hard to believe in a few months I'll be big enough to fill them out, God-willing!

rough nights

This is sort of health, personal, worry post, so be fore-warned.

Friday & Saturday night as well as last week have been very very rough for me physically with my IBS and pregnancy. I've had a ton of pain, a ton of cramping, and some pretty severe attacks. Last week I got really weird with food again, not eating even close to as much as I have been... naseauted half-way through my meals and feeling not in the mood for anything. I thought at 16 weeks I'd be past that. Some of my cramping last week felt uterine as well, and some of it was higher in my stomach as well as lower in my intestines. At one point I had to leave a dinner with some friends because I was in so much pain.

If you could pray for me that the pain would decrease and my attacks would slow down. My doctor thought I'd be feeling better than this in a few weeks (at my last appt at 13 weeks) so I'm frustrated because I'm actually feeling worse. The pain can get to me really badly emotionally so I start to get fearful and worried again... and feeling that is almost worse than the pain. I am trying so hard to trust in God that he is protecting our child. I still need help with trust.

I haven't been able to determine yet if I'm feeling the baby move yet or if I'm just having so much intestinal distress. I thought at this point all that stuff would be pushed out of the way and I'd be able to clearly tell where the baby is and when it's moving. I feel a bit embarrassed when people touch my stomach right now, because its not really baby quite yet... I mean it is, but most of the time they're all just touching my fat belly. Ugh. And some ask me tons of questions like "how is baby lusky" because all I can say is... I assume totally fine but not quite sure :) The questions do get a bit exhausting. Maybe it's better if everyone reads the blog, then I don't have to field quite so many questions. LOL.

Anyway - appt on Tuesday at 17 weeks with the midwife so I always get excited and nervous about this, but mostly excited. Thanks for the prayers!

Belly Shots

I've been taking these but not posting them, so here you go. Honestly, not a huge ton of difference over the last 3 weeks. I think I've gained 1 pound over this time period according to my scale/records. Also, wow I need to get my roots done!




And - today.